Little Women: NY Recap – The Vagina Monologues

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On last night’s Little Women: NY, we pick up smack in the middle of the fight between Misty Irwin and Jordanna James, courtesy of Miss Jason Perezpot-stirring. Jordanna has been invited to model in the Paris Little Person Fashion Show, which Misty is seeing red over. Jordanna rightfully calls Jason out on his dramatic behavior and tries to reason with an irate Misty, but her advice “to get thick skin” falls on Misty’s deaf ears. The two women do hug it out at the end, and the whole scene seems a bit scripted. So, meh. Guess that’s over…for now!

The next day, Lila Call takes Jason along to her dog’s vet appointment. She pulls dog poop out of her purse for vet inspection, which is lovely. Jason’s dad is the vet, and also the happy recipient of Jason as a boomerang house guest for life! Jason is still upset with Jordanna for calling him a coward for moving back into his parents’ home, but methinks Jason’s not facing the real issue at hand here. #youknowhwhatimean Jason’s dad teaches Lila some lessons about Filipino respect, like not looking directly into your elders’ eyes and forcing your closeted son to live with you for the rest of his natural life. 


At the yoga studio, Kristin Zettlemoyer, Dawn Lang, and Jordanna gather for a session. Jordanna says little people have to watch their posture because they tend to hunch over, which compresses their bones. The ladies breathe and squat and meditate on Dawn’s upcoming charity event, Distributing Dignity, which distributes bras and hygiene supplies to women in need. Dawn wants to invite all the ladies – including Jason – to her event, but Jordanna is still raw from the backstabbing he administered at the fashion show. 

Getting their glam on, Misty and Kristin shop for the perfect little black dress for Dawn’s event. The ladies kibitz about Jason and Jordanna’s beef and Misty tries to describe the vibe between them. She comes up with the following phrase: “It’s very tension with them.” Thanks for playing, Misty!

Across town at Dawn’s venue, Jordanna joins her to check it out. Dawn’s hoping for at least a 100 attendees, including Jason, who Dawn agrees needs a wake-up call. Jordanna doesn’t even know if she can look at him. Should be a fun event, then! 

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Speaking of Jason (constantly!), he’s visiting the doctor with Kristin to check on his shunt, which goes from his brain to his abdomen to relieve symptoms of a chronic condition, hydrocephalus, he’s had since he was just a year old. He’s been experiencing headaches and dizziness lately that may indicate something gone awry with his shunt. His doctor suggests a CAT scan to check if the shunt has malfunctioned because the worst case scenario is going into a coma due to complications. Jason agrees to the scan, then heads to lunch with Kristin afterward to discuss – what else? – Jordanna! Kristin tells Jason he’s probably creating his own headaches by messing with Jordanna so childishly. Jason can’t let go of Jordanna’s “coward” comment, but Misty urges Jason to simmer down and control himself at Dawn’s event. But Jason, diva that he is, claims he “can’t control when the volcano is going to erupt.”  

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Before Dawn’s event, she gathers the group at a painting party to create artwork to be auctioned off. The theme? Lady parts! Jason wonders, does Dawn know I don’t have a vagina? A question for all of us to ponder, I reckon. Jordanna and Jason quietly ignore each other in mutual disgust while the group gets their Va-J-J paintin’ on. Lila asks if she can just sit in some paint and “stamp” the canvas. Well, it’s a fair point! Lila says she is the Bob Ross of painting vaginas: “happy little bush!” Jordanna can’t help b*tching about Jason to Dawn as they paint while Jason listens to every word. Because he’s , like, 2 inches away. Since he says he doesn’t have a vagina, Jason uses Jordanna as his painting muse and creates a mystery image…to be revealed at Dawn’s event. 

Four hours until Dawn’s charity auction and she’s surrounded with tampons, wet wipes, and maxi-pads, oh my! Jason stops by to learn how tampons work before he rolls up his sleeves to help Dawn stuff 100 goodie bags for the party-goers. Are all of the guests women? Because other than Jason, I don’t know how thrilled your average dude will be to walk away from a party with this sad loot.

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Cut to later, as the event gets underway. Jazmin Lang shows up to support Dawn’s event – because she is the GOOD sister in law, and because Dawn apologized to her. The rest of the guests show up once they find the event in some lumber yard warehouse. As Jordanna enters the room, Jason scurries away from her like she’s waving a scary tampon in his face. Kristin disses Dawn’s event: the location, the food, the sparse number of guests. She and Misty are still smarting from Dawn’s rude comments about their apartment being ghetto at their recent housewarming party. Jazmin doesn’t take kindly to Kristin’s commentary, so she runs to tell Dawn about the trash talking right away. Dawn is infuriated that her friends are acting like ingrates at her “glamorous” (ahem) auction. 

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Our auctioneer, Jason, and his lovely assistant, Lila, take the stage to begin the bids on the dreaded Va-J-J paintings. Well, since we can all see where this obvious script is heading, after everyone else’s juicy/carcrash/fugly canvases are sold for hundreds to willing victims, Jason starts the bidding on Jordanna’s painting at…5 bucks. Her piece is sold for $10 total to a hipster with a ridiculous mustache. But the real ridiculousness begins after the bidding when Jordanna tells Jason he’s lucky she doesn’t shove her heel up his a$$. “Oh shove it,” he says, “You’re already below my level, boo.” Jordanna storms off and Jason, apparently, feels like he won this round.


Photo Credit: Lifetime