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Brandi Glanville

I couldn’t have asked for a better way to kick off this hump day than listening to Brandi Glanville‘s latest podcast, appropriately titled, Pimps, Prostitutes, and Ron Jeremy! Oh My!

But before we crack open that nut… so many puns, so little time… I have to say that I find it hilarious that Brandi just lectured bloggers about the fact that her 12-year-old son is “dabbling” in social media, and all the negative stories about Brandi’s relationship issues with Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes are just one search away from his innocent eyes. But, you know, an hour long discussion about prostitution, penises, and said 12 year old’s dad’s cheating ways is okay.

Brandi‘s latest guests were Dennis Hof, owner of the Bunny Ranch and star of HBO’s Cathouse, his girlfriend/bunny Krissy Summers, and his friend/porn star Ron Jeremy. Dennis was there to promote his book, The Art of Pimp, and I have to admit that it sounds like an interesting read. It would have been really nice to hear more about the book, but Brandi can’t keep her mouth shut. Ever.

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Dennis dished on his strategies to keep the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in the news, to garner free and legal publicity, and mentioned the Hookers for Hillary website he started. He explained, despite the fact that the ranch is a legal brothel, the average bunny earns six figures, and the top earners make over half a million a year, they aren’t respected as professionals. They weren’t even allowed to buy health insurance until the Affordable Healthcare Act went into effect. And the working girls credit the health care reform in the 90s, which made the Affordable Healthcare Act possible, back to Bill and Hillary Clinton.

“I was just in Amsterdam,” said Brandi. “I mean, sex sells. It’s everywhere, and the crime there is very low. Same with marijuana. You can get marijuana and get laid on the same block. And it’s fine. But here we’re making a big deal out of everything. I think it’s when you hold somebody back from something and say you can’t have this is when we commit crimes in order to get it.”

Dennis shared that the Bunny Ranch gets one thousand applicants a month, from college girls to moms to college professors, and the bunnies are taught “salesmanship” and “up-selling” and they ultimately set their own prices. The local girls go home every night, the rest live at the ranch. Dennis compared the ranch to a resort and said it’s all you can eat, all you can drink, and all the hot girls you could ever want.

“I feel like a lot of people, including myself, we love the chase. We love the challenge. If it’s readily available, then I don’t really want it,” argued Brandi. “I want to have to work for it. If you’re there, you can drink all you want and you can f–k all you want. I mean…”

Krissy said that most of the men who visit the ranch have wives, who they love, and the unmarried men aren’t looking to settle down with a working girl. The men come to the ranch, get what they need, and go about their lives, home to their wives, etc.

“I would rather have my husband go to a prostitute, do what he has to do, and have no emotional relationship,” said Brandi. “It’s purely physical. I don’t want to know about it. Emotional relationships hurt more than a physical one night stand. I think not knowing would be great. I don’t want to know.”   

Dennis asked Brandi if she would ever consider a visit to the Bunny Ranch with her boyfriend. “I was married before and my husband cheated on me and it was emotional relationship… shipS… plural,” shared Brandi. “We definitely brought girls in and I did everything I could do. It wasn’t about me at the end of the day. I think threesomes are great when they happen organically, like, you’re not planning it and it just happens to happen. But, when you plan it, it’s just very awkward.”

Brandi said, “Men are animals. They are animalistic. They think like animals. It’s just sex to them, err, as long as it is just sex.”

About her celebrity status (apparently she is interviewing herself now) Brandi shared, “It changes people’s perception and outlook and there’s a little bit more excitement to it. I mean, it’s odd to me. I drive carpool, I wipe my kids’ asses, I don’t get it. Then I’m out in public and people will come up to me. This is just so bizarre, but people do treat you differently when they know you’re on TV.”

Brandi said she believes there’d be less divorce if prostitution were legal.

“I call it the cereal theory,” explained Brandi. “Your favorite cereal is Cheerios. You have Cheerios every day and you love Cheerios and they’re always going to be your favorite. But it might be interesting, one day, to try something else. It doesn’t make Cheerios is not your favorite. It means you were in the mood for something else.”

“Marriage itself is an old-fashioned idea,” said Brandi. “A lot of my gay friends are so happy they can get married and I’m like, ‘Be careful what you wish for.’ It’s like having a birdcage with an open door.” She added that she wants to be in a relationship but doesn’t plan to ever get married again. Brandi doesn’t want a piece of paper to force her to stay in the birdcage with an open door. Or something. Are Dennis, Krissy, and Ron even still with us?

Brandi, who seems to be under the impression that she is qualified to dish out relationship advice, advised, “I think it’s important for women to switch it up and do something for their man that’s different. If you’re in your gym clothes every day all day long and you don’t put make up on and you’re not trying and you’re only having sex on your back in the bedroom, he’s gonna look elsewhere. I always say, do it in the car, or do it out in public. Surprise him. If the majority of women just got their head around it, like they are so prim and proper, I think there’d be a lot less cheating.”

Dennis asked his guest Brandi if she and her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills co-stars talk about sex. “Yolanda [Foster] and I talk about it,” she said. “They do well. David‘s freaky for sure. They do fine.”

“I can’t picture anyone else on the show having sex. I don’t even want to picture it. I try to bring it up and they all act like they’re shocked,” whined Brandi. “Like, ‘OMG, we don’t do that!’ I bring it up to shock them, to talk about something interesting, and they are all like, ‘She’s so crass.'”

You can listen to the “unfiltered” version of this interview on PodcastOne. It’s raunchy. Consider yourself warned.

TELL US — ANY INTEREST IN RELATIONSHIP/SEX ADVICE FROM BRANDI? DO YOU BELIEVE YOLANDA TOLD HER DAVID IS FREAKY?

Photo Credit: Brian To/WENN.com

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