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The Real Housewives of New York City - Season 7

It’s that time of the the week again, the time when we sit back and relax with the Real Housewives of New York epic fantasy novel that is Sonja Morgan’s Bravo blog. But, alas! This week’s intern post is a bit more lucid than normal, so perhaps that psycho-pharmacologist has finally balanced Lady Morgan’s VitaMeataVegamin cocktail a bit better these days? Or maybe the Swami priestess is influencing this new, more rational perspective? In any case – light your abundance candles, people, because we’re diving in!

“You’ve got to love how a dinner party at which two girls cried is considered tame for my group of friends,” begins Sonja. Ha! Expressing her love for Dorinda Medley’s house, hostessing skills, and her expert handling of the den of vipers she invited for the weekend, Sonja comments, “Overall Dorinda was an amazing hostess to all of us crazy ladies, and I am so grateful to her for extending her warmth and hospitality by sharing her birthday with us nuts.” She also knows that Dorinda must have achieved all of her happiness through watching The Secret on repeat whilst lying around in a dirty robe, just like Sonja does! “I loved the story Dorinda shared about wanting to own that beautiful house. Positivity, visualization, and tenacity are the ultimate keys to success. I have learned that through my decades of hard work and experience, and it has really served me well. Everything I have dreamed has come true. Furthermore, I bring the fun, not the drama,” says Sonja. 

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Not happy with the growing distance between Ramona Singer and her this season (perhaps, Sonja, because you’re making Ramona’s divorce all about YOU?!), Sonja comments, “It’s so funny how Ramona feels that she can discuss dating with all of the OTHER girls. She doesn’t open up to me because we are like sisters and you can’t bullsh– a sister. I always know what is really going on in her life. I know this is a difficult time for her, and all I can do is love and support her. The irony is I have always been the number one champion of Ramona, and I’ve always protected her privacy. When the girls go after her, I am always the first to stand up to her even through she does not extend me the same courtesy.” 

Moving on to the Petrossian dinner fight that Luann de Lesseps and Ramona started over their dislike of Dorinda’s boyfriend, John, Sonja quips that the whole scenario is plainly passe’. “I think it’s ridiculous that Luann and Ramona are having this fight over Dorinda!” she claims, “Both of them should be worried about doing things to promote Dorinda’s happiness and stability during her challenging transition instead of tearing down her leading man. Wait til they get some more ammunition from her as she lets them in to her private world. They always use intimate information against you.” For Sonja, that’s as astute of a warning as they come. Plus, she’s a promoter! A promoter of PEOPLE!! 

“Speaking of people who thrive off drama, what was with Kristen [Taekman] this episode?!” wonders Sonja. She continues, “Like Dorinda said to Kristen, if you are going to do a sandwich, do a sandwich! Don’t act like John was trying to be malicious when we were all just having a good time as adults in a private club. If you can’t take the heat, Kristen, get out of the kitchen!” Clearly baffled by a semi-drunken person who would only commit to dancing the “half-sanwich,” Sonja is more of a totally-drunken, snatch-bearing, full-sandwich-dancing kind of gal. Who Sonja is really starting to respect is Dorinda. And, can I just say, aren’t we all? She comments, “I am sorry that I missed hearing in person Dorinda say that not everything is always going to be okay. The way she said it was hilarious and true! Sometimes you don’t know that everything is going to be okay. In fact, you know it’s not okay or fair and that’s when you have to find the strength within yourself to just get out of bed and start your day. I put one foot in front of the other day after day. I really respect how strong Dorinda is. She is a fighter and not a victim.”

Sonja does not take kindly to being called a fashion victim on this week’s episode either! “I loved how all of the women immediately hated on my dress as soon as I showed up to Dorinda’s house. I would like everyone to know that dress was made by Michael Kors, not Dracula! But I have always been able to laugh at myself and take a joke, so if the girls want to pick on my dress, that’s fine. I’ll always make fashion faux pas. That’s how I create.” I’m sorry, but if you have the ability to laugh at yourself, you would never literally defend your dress not being “made by Dracula!” Although I am glad she did…because I have tears streaming down my face, I am laughing so hard at that statement. NOT made by Dracula! = One bad-a$$ RHONY t-shirt slogan served up hot if there ever was one.

Moving on to her feelings on (and robe wearing around!) John, Sonja says, “I love John, and that moment with Dorinda, John, and me in the bedroom is pure fun! Everyone needs to stop saying that they are going to stop knocking John and actually stop knocking John. I have great intuition about people, and I can see that John really cares about Dorinda.” She adds, “It’s great that Dorinda felt comfortable sharing why John is so special to her. I think that conversation really helped the other women see that Dorinda loves John and that John helped her through a very difficult time in her life and has been there for the last two years. “

Now for the dinner that involved fish, a meatball, and tears. Sonja gives us her take:  “Dorinda’s birthday dinner started off so nice and then just crashed and burned! You could tell that Dorinda wasn’t too upset that the women were fighting, because it distracted them from talking about John. The issues about what Bethenny [Frankel] was going to eat is too ridiculous for words. Like Ramona said, Bethenny is a grown woman and can make her own dining choices.” Sonja pointedly calls out Heather Thomson as a big buttinsky who needs to, well, get off Bethenny’s jock! Sonja says Bethenny “doesn’t need Heather to mother her all the time. I think Heather would get along with all of the women much better if she stopped trying to control everyone. Controlling everyone around you doesn’t mean you are actually in control–it means you want to be a dictator. I can see why Bethenny doesn’t feel comfortable sharing things with Heather. Everything you share in intimacy with Heather she uses as ammunition against you. It feels like a trap to be friends with Heather!”

Sonja goes on to list examples of Heather’s incessant meddling in her own life (yes, we know) before concluding that “Heather needs to stop counting other peoples’ money and dissecting our life choices in which she has no experience. I think she would be a lot happier if she examined her own life for a change.” Whoa! Shots fired! Good for you, Lady Morgan. 

TELL US: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SONJA’S TAKE ON THE BERKSHIRES WEEKEND? AND ON HEATHER?  

Photo Credit: Mathieu Young/Bravo