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Well, we survived the premiere episode of Little Women: LA, which revealed a leaner, meaner Tonya Banks coming hard for newbie Jasmine Sorge, who Tonya claims to have some long-standing beef with over a social media faux pas with her ex-boyfriend Trevore. Fellow newbie Brittney “Freakabritt” Guzman also dropped a nuclear bomb on Terra Jole and Tonya last week that rocked their worlds: Elena Gant used to “date” Brittney’s father while married to Saint Preston the Longsuffering, according to Brittney. So the season was set with some ratchet tension right off the bat! And last night’s episode continued the theme of Messiness with a capital M. 

Briana Manson is back with Matt, a move that doesn’t sit well with her friends or family. She and Christy McGinty go shopping for lingerie and…sex toys? They tie each other up and slap each other around a bit before getting into a deeper conversation about Christy and Todd’s IVF plans. Briana is shocked to hear they’ll be choosing an average sized embryo rather than a little person (since Christy already has two children who are little people), but Christy wants the healthiest baby possible and stands by her decision. Side note, Christy looks the best she’s ever looked in her talking heads! #beautifulinblue

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Over at Jasmine’s house, she’s taking care of her adorable son Mason. Her husband Chris recently closed his furniture store, so he’s doing the stay at home dad thing with her for now. Jasmine is still raw about Tonya’s ridiculously rude behavior toward her, so she’s not sure she wants to invite her to the upcoming house party she’ll be throwing. Chris is concerned that right now isn’t the right time to be throwing a lavish party given their financial strain, but he gives Jasmine the okay anyway.

Terra is at Elena’s, feeling weird about the information Brittney dropped on her last episode. Elena updates Terra on her makeup line dreams, which she’s focused on now that her clothing line dreams have gone up in smoke. Elena wants to pursue her makeup line exclusively, but she’s scared to tell Preston for fear of disappointing him. Since Preston is hanging out with them the entire time they chat, Terra has no chance of asking Elena about Brittney’s accusations. After Terra leaves, Elena works up the nerve to tell Preston she wants to pursue a makeup line and he is understandably frustrated that she’s changing the game up on him again. He reminds her of how much money they’ve lost on her last few “dreams,” and is scared of going broke throwing cash after her flimsy whims. Elena just mopes and walks away, not understanding that she is married to possibly the sweetest man to ever grace reality TV. 

Brittney just got back from being on tour with Miley Cyrus, and she needs a new place to live. She shows her dad – YES! we get to meet the elusive dad who dates EVERYone! – her new pad, while telling him she’s seen Elena recently, and that Elena got her lips done. (Is that what it is? She looks so different to me!) Brittney asks her dad when the last time he’s seen Briana, Elena, or Christy (all of whom he allegedly dated) was, but he just laughs and deflects for now. While Brittney was on tour, her boyfriend cheated on her, stole her money, and basically did her dirty. Her dad doesn’t want to see Brittney hurting. Having lost two sons to double-dominancy previously, he sees Brittney as his miracle child and is protective of her. He gets choked up just talking to her about her recent pain. Awwww.

Jasmine and Briana get together for a workout. Afterward, they discuss Jasmine’s upcoming party. Jasmine asks Briana to call Tonya to feel her out about potentially coming to the party, so Briana gets Tonya on speakerphone to do the deed. Of course, when Tonya hears the party will be at Jasmine’s, she immediately launches into her general dislike of her, which Jasmine can hear every word of. “She has a real sneaky side to her, and she’s a passive aggressor (hee!),” says Tonya, who has no plans of working things out with Jasmine. Was this a good idea, ladies? Er, no. “I don’t stoop to trash,” snarks Jasmine. 

Elena is at a lawyer’s office trying to get her US status paperwork straightened out. Her green card has expired, so she needs to submit documents, such as letters from friends, to prove that she’s still in a legitimate marriage. Elena is interested in US citizenship, so she’ll also have to study up on her history and civics to pass the test.

Because no one wants to film with her Tonya is at a local pottery class with boyfriend Jaa, who’s trying to reenact a brokedown version of Ghost by awkwardly grabbing Tonya from behind the pottery wheel. Tonya reiterates her hatred of Jasmine, telling Jaa that Jasmine even had the gall to invite her to her party. Jaa convinces her to go to the party, if not to make amends, then to “run her off” because Jaa seems to be cut from the same cloth as Tonya after all. #matchmadeinheaven

Meanwhile, Christy and Todd are at the IVF clinic to get her uterus examined before insemination. The doctor is concerned about getting the catheter in due to the short space between Christy’s tail bone and pubic bone, which is anatomically common in little people. After the procedure, the doctor tells her he’ll have more news for her in a week or two. 

The day of Jasmine’s party is upon us! She’s hired a party planner to help her stay on budget, but I have to ask: doesn’t hiring party planner mean your budget is already a bit inflated for a run of the mill “last minute” backyard barbecue? Hubby Chris is getting concerned about the extra uplighting and the general frou-frou of the affair, so Jasmine shoos him away in the name of giving him a moment to decompress. Briana shows up with a new treble clef note tattoo (did I get that right!?), telling Jasmine she’s “just spontaneous that way!” She also spills the beans that she has a matching tattoo with Matt. Get ready for it: His says “Bonnie” and hers says “Clyde.” Excuse me. Okay, I had to dry heave for a moment and am back now to continue the recap. 

As the couples arrive to valet parking in the suburbs, Terra and Brittney vow to turn up tonight. Terra admits she was floored by the information Brittney gave her about Elena, but Terra’s also got another little secret she’s holding on to. She says she was approached by a woman who claims Briana’s boyfriend Matt was sexting her photos and messages, but she’s not sure when to drop this little bomb on Briana. Tonight might be good! The cameras are rolling, after all. 

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The tequila shots are flowing as Briana shows off her new tattoo, and is then pressed to tell the ladies about her matchy-matchy Bonnie and Clyde tattoos with Matt. “Matt is a dirty rat,” Terra interviews. (I want that t-shirt, please.) She launches into the rumors she’s been hearing about Matt sexting another woman, which Briana says isn’t Terra’s business. Briana says she already knows about the “erection photos,” and brushes it off as a one time mistake. “Everyone has ups and downs,” she quips with unintentional hilarity, considering the photos in question.

Briana pops off after the accusations keep coming, yelling at the ladies that HER business is HER business, so step off! Terra thinks Briana is playing with fire, but Jasmine stands by Briana claiming that her happiness is all that matters. Out of nowhere, Elena goes crazy screaming about Briana being a fool to stay with Matt, but Briana is standing firm. She says she made the biggest mistake of her life breaking up with Matt per her friends’ advice last year, so she’s #unconcerned with their opinion now.

Not one to let a fight die, Terra keeps poking the bear by screaming about Matt’s bad credit, lack of job, leechy behavior, shady sexting, and criminal record. Briana just wants Terra to get a life and stop worrying about hers. Although Briana does admit her parents don’t support her relationship with Matt either, she is done talking about it for now. She stomps out in tears after Elena and Terra’s relentless attack as Jasmine, now Briana’s last friend standing, follows her. So, battle lines have been drawn. Shots fired! 

TELL US: DO YOU THINK THERE’S TRUTH TO THE RUMORS ABOUT ELENA AND BRITTNEY’S DAD? SHOULD BRIANA’S FRIENDS BACK OFF ABOUT MATT? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime TV

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