Little Women: LA Recap: No Pain, No Gain

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On last night’s Little Women: LA, stressful situations prevailed. Christy McGinty and hubby Todd underwent their first uncomfortable round of artificial insemination, while Terra Jole, Jasmine Sorge, Brittney Guzman and Briana Manson underwent an even more uncomfortable round of fat-burning and Tonya Banks irrational anger at the taping of her Little Boss Body Workout video.

We begin at Terra’s house where she’s having Elena Gant and Tonya heft a stone bird bath out to her back yard. They break for wine and discuss Tonya’s upcoming workout video. Tonya’s dream is to educate little people about how to stay fit and healthy. Elena’s dreams are to get re-married to Preston so he can continue to fund her other dreams. She isn’t thinking about colors, or bridesmaids, or maids of honor yet…but Terra wants to know everything. In Russia, it’s simpler, says Elena. She just wants the wedding of her dreams she didn’t get to have the first time around.

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Over at Christy and Todd’s house, they’re talking to Christy’s daughter Autumn about their plans to have a baby. The news is…not news, apparently! Autumn already knows everything because she hears everything through their shared bedroom wall. “She knows I’m a screamer,” jokes Christy. None of us can un-hear those words, I’m afraid. Creepier yet is the fact that poor Autumn can never un-hear whatever it is she’s been subjected to either. #keepthoseheadphonesclose! 

Briana and her daughter Leiana are visiting Jasmine and her son Mason. Jasmine tells Briana about her husband Chris’s new job, which is a blessing, but makes raising Mason solo a bit tougher. She doesn’t want to be a downer, considering their improved financial circumstances, but she’s struggling. She’s also struggling with how to tell Briana about the girls constantly talking trash about Matt and her. She dances around the subject a bit, then goes in for the kill by telling Briana that the girls think Briana was upset when Elena and Preston announced their vow renewal. Briana admits it’s a sensitive subject, but she’s not upset at Elena. She’s pissed that the group is excited for Elena, but hasn’t encircled her with the same love and support over her own engagement to Matt. Jasmine thinks she should just knock one of them to the floor and be done with it. Briana is just about ready to. (Wasn’t that Matt’s threat last episode?)

Back at Christy’s house, she and Todd prep for artificial insemination day. This storyline is so dusty and played out, I can barely squeak out a halfhearted ‘yay,’ but okay…let’s get this over with, people! And then never talk about it again. Christy carries Todd’s “specimen” by hand in a paper bag as she smiles the smile of a person about to get more attention for being pregnant

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Meanwhile, Elena is trying on wedding dresses in front of Terra and Tonya, but she can’t find a winner. She doesn’t want to look Like A Virgin Touched for the Very First Time, but there are no hip “I’m Having a 4-Year Vow Renewal” frocks to be had. She wishes she had her sister there, who she hasn’t seen in four years because her visa was rejected. She hopes this ceremony will be enough reason for her family to get permission to enter the country. (Is that what this is all about? Makes sense.) Elena gets emotional about missing her family so much, and Terra and Tonya actually sweetly support her while she tears up in the bridal shop. More of these tender moments, please! 

Back at the fertility clinic, Christy hands over Todd’s goods and hops up on the exam table. Todd’s specimen looks good, says the doc, but the tough part is getting the sperm into the cervix. The procedure itself (which I almost can’t believe is being filmed!) is painful, as Christy’s tailbone is blocking the way and the doctor must use tools to move her uterus around. As horrific as the procedure sounds – and looks – Christy suffers through the worst of it in hopes that this day results in a viable pregnancy. 

At Jasmine’s house, she and Chris are enjoying a day off together. They chat about his new job, and she admits her loneliness at home since Chris has been working nights. Chris assures her that this job is an investment in their family’s future, and that these tough times will pass. It’s a new situation, but they’ll get through it. Jasmine agrees. Do you guys love the down to earth, real connection that this couple seems to have? I sure do. #smiling

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Ah, now we move on to less warm and fuzzy scenes as Tonya preps the studio for her Little Boss Body Workout video. Strap on your Kevlar! Shots, I assume, will be fired. Terra is helping Tonya get ready, but she’s baffled about Tonya’s general lack of preparation and general professional failings. Briana and Brittney Guzman show up, also nonplussed about the situation that awaits them. Rolled up posters, some janky yoga mats, and a headband do not a winning video make. Brittney snarks that it’s not even at the level of a student film project, and as Miley Cyrus’s backup dancer, Brittney has grown accustomed to more legit production ventures. And giant teddy bears wearing diapers. Or whatever that sh*t is that Miley Cyrus is doing these days. (Yes, I am 100 years old and I sound it!) Elena arrives and snarks that Little Boss doesn’t have the leadership to pull this thing off. She’s embarrassed to be here, frankly.

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Tonya breaks the news to Briana that – surprise! – no one is getting paid for this, except in sweaty t-shirts and “a fun party.” Terra snarks that it’s more like “a party in her pocket.” Briana doesn’t think anyone is going to buy this low-rent video anyway, but is upset that Tonya is using her friends to earn a dollar. Production drags on endlessly, and the girls start to snap. Briana kibitzes with Brittney about the fact that they’re all working for free, then moves on to defending herself about being accused of jealousy over Elena’s vow renewal. They have to hit the pause button on this convo though, as the ratchet has to be ratcheted up a notch right now. For filming has begun! And after a few script flubs and awkward transitions, Tonya gets the girls moving. Sorta. Terra directs Tonya that she should look at the camera during one of Tonya’s mangled attempts at narration, which Tonya deems fightin’ words because they make sense

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The messiness drags on and on, while the ladies watch Tonya crash and burn through each consecutive routine. As the sun goes down and Tonya melts down, she tires of her own sad fate, drops her hand weights, and shouts “I am DONE, done, done, done!” as she walks off of her own damn video shoot. She blames everyone else, of course, for being a total pain in her a$$. Terra tries to bring her back to reality backstage, suggesting that Tonya asks for help next time because she can’t do this on her own. Jaa suggests rescheduling for tomorrow to shoot the rest of the video. After Tonya comes back out, she “delegates” by berating Briana when Briana complains about Tonya’s bad energy, then informing her lucky crew that they need to be back and “camera ready!” the next day for another 12 hours of free forced labor. Good plan.

At the fertility clinic, Christy and Todd await news of their pregnancy test results. They decide to tell friends and family right away if they’re pregnant, but if it turns out to be a double-dominant fetus, they’ll terminate. The results are in and…Christy is not pregnant. She and Todd are understandably disappointed. “Fertility problems suck,” says Christy, “I didn’t know it was so hard.”

Christy has also been facing increasing neck pain lately, which the doctor says she should address before trying to get pregnant again. Taking time off from fertility treatments isn’t necessarily what she wants to do, but Christy knows it’s the best next move. On their drive home, Christy admits to Todd that she “told the world” they had a chance of hearing good news today, but now she cries that she just doesn’t want to try anymore. Despite Christy’s melodramatic journey, my heart does go out to her in this moment. It is tough to be disappointed when you’re trying hard to have a baby (no matter how cray-cray the mama might be during the process).    

TELL US: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF TONYA’S VIDEO SHOOT? SHOULD CHRISTY AND TODD PURSUE IN VITRO ANY LONGER? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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