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Lauren & Vito mock wedding in Italy

Last night on Manzo’d With Children the gang continued to whine and tantrum though Italy, because growing up is so hard to do! The issues were fear of disappointing parents, fear of success, and naturally failure to launch a grandchild!  

In the case of Lauren Manzo as her wedding approaches so too does the nagging about when she will be carrying on the illustrious Manz0-Scalia lineage and fulfilling her role and Caroline and Denise’s grandchild vessel. Caroline and Denise, henceforth, “Team Grandma” are on a two-pronged mission to get Lauren pregnant even if they have to tie her up in an Italian receiving blanket and inject Vito’s sperm into her with a meat tenderizer. Yes – it’s that drastic. 

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If perchance Lauren lets Caroline down in the grandma department, she’s also nagging Christopher about when he’s gonna find ‘The One’ – because Caroline “needs a little one.” Apparently Albie is now a lost cause?

Basically now that Caroline has fulfilled her destiny of motherhood, by raising three two angels, she’s ready to fulfill her penultimate destiny of being a grandmother. To accomplish this she is deploying the old Catholic Guilt to Chris and Lauren about the importance of family! Lady – can’t you play pickleball or something? 

Lauren would like to enjoy being married and actually live in her own house before getting pregnant. That’s the first adult thing Lauren has ever said, like, ever! 

In Positano, venturing down ancient stones steps to one of southern Italy’s rocky beaches, Caroline has a meltdown about heights, which puts in perspective for her how important it is that Christopher get married. After Chris shell-shocked her by announcing he’ll probably end up alone, Caroline decides it’s time for a little ‘Mommy Knows Best’ chat near water (just in case she needs to baptize him – or threaten him with drowning – to make her point?). 

What If Chris doesn't get married?!

Chris has a lot he wants to accomplish so he’s not ready to date women who will inevitably disappoint his mother because look what happened to Albie and now that Chris is FINALLY the golden child, why f–k that up?! settle down. Plus, what if he falls in love and she dies. Is Chris planning to become the subject of Lifetime Movie in the future? (PS – watch The Widower on PBS).

Caroline sees Chris‘ fear as a personal failure! She raised her spawn to have other spawn so he needs to get married for his mother. Chris agrees to “try” dating and be open-minded about marriage. “When you don’t try, you don’t get!” Caroline lectures. 

Aside: This is the only time we’ve ever been on a Bravo beach when NO ONE wore a bathing suit! 

Chris Manzo book deal

Over lunch and drinks, Caroline is giving a toast to happiness when Chris gets an email announcing that a publisher offered him a book deal for his children’s book – 5 minutes after he started writing it…  Caroline is ecstatic, but Chris is still nervous about “what if” something goes wrong. Caroline has no idea why her children are so afraid to embrace happiness. What Caroline fails to realize is that she has put so much pressure on them by telling them how perfect they are and to fulfill their magnificent destinies SHE has paralyzed them! Al, predictably, says nothing. 

Out of nowhere we learn Vito has plans to open his own deli in Manhattan. Vito is afraid to tell his father, because Vito was supposed to take over the family’s NJ deli. Lauren thinks Vito needs to man-up and confront his father, because it’s creating awkwardness. “I feel like there’s an elephant in the room everywhere we go in Italy,” she complains. Clearly – as everyone is eating as much as an elephant! 

Denise prays for babies

Then they visit an ancient church in Sorrento where Denise evokes Caroline to pray to St. Gerard, father of fertility to “get these babies going” on Lauren’s behalf. Caroline, clearly a bad Catholic where history is concerned, had no idea the Catholic church had anything to do with making babies. Ummm… for someone whose entire viewpoint is stuck in the 1500s you would think she’d know how fervently ladies prayed for babies! 

In the church Vito proposes an impromptu rehearsal and tries to convince Al to mock walk Lauren down the aisle. Everyone places bets on whether or not Living In Deni-AL will do it. Naturally he refuses, because Al still can’t accept that Lauren is leaving him. He admits he won’t enjoy the wedding. 

Baby boutique

The ladies go shopping and naturally they hit-up a baby boutique. Caroline and Denise decide to buy a christening blanket for the future Vito III since they’re in Italy on a special trip. They squeal and coo over the beautiful baby items while Lauren huffs and sulks. Slamming around her monogrammed Louis Vuitton wristlet, Lauren tries to deter “Team Grandma” from buying stuff for the baby that does not exist. 

Then Lauren storms out and barges into a bar demanding a stiff one – no not a stiff Vicotta, but a stiff drink. Caroline and Denise track her down. Caroline lectures Lauren on being ungrateful and ruining their outing with her temper tantrums. Hasn’t 16 And Pregnant taught us that babies shouldn’t have babies (or rather people who act like babies shouldn’t have babies)? 

And, because. according to Caroline everything comes down to Lauren’s anxiety about “Lauren Manzo becoming Lauren Scalia” while still living in her childhood bedroom, that’s why Lauren overreacted to their premature excitement about babies. 

Lauren is frustrated over being nagged

Lauren basically just wants “Team Grandma” to keep the meatballs on simmer – especially because what if she has trouble conceiving or something goes wrong. This does not worry Denise and Caroline – they have St. Gerard (and Bravo) on their sides. Additionally Caroline had 3 miscarriages, which were matched by three amazing blessings, and Denise had difficulty conceiving but now look at the miracle that is her beautiful Vicotta

Again, Caroline wonders why Lauren is so afraid to pursue her destiny? I mean honestly – what is her problem! 

TELL US – IS CAROLINE BEING TOO PUSHY WITH LAUREN AND CHRIS? IS ALBIE DEAD TO HER?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

manzo-recap-positanoAlso, here’s some scenery – beautiful! 

 

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