It’s time to join the Shahs of Sunset for some drama outside of the Sunset Strip – that’s right, it’s cast trip time! But before we take this mess international, let’s see how we got a passport to all this nonsense.
After Asa Soltan Rahmati’s kaftan show that the crew was forced to attend (and only a few ended up watching), the gang heads over to Shervin Roohparvar’s house to drink from red solo cups. Well, almost everyone – Mike Shouhed and estranged wife Jessica Parido are absent after their big blow out at the show. Everyone is talking about what happened and Reza Farahan goes on an incredibly long-winded, misogynistic list of all the horrible names he can think of for women that are involved in the whole Mike and Jessica mess and it doesn’t take long to see where this is going – he’s trying to justify this cast trip to Belize as a way to “help” Mike and Jessica.
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OK, can we put Reza’s whole soliloquy on pause for a second? I think us viewers all understand that the reason behind these cast trips are manufactured, but the idea of Reza even suggesting OUT LOUD that he’s planning this trip to try and save or help Mike and Jessica’s marriage is downright stupid. Like this bunch of drunken, self-absorbed hooligans could help themselves find a way out of a wet paper bag, let alone help a failing marriage! Just say you need to get away and move on. Now that I got that off my chest, back to the show.
Shervin pulls Mercedes “MJ” Javid aside to talk about her breakup with nagged-to-death boyfriend, Tommy Feight. She admits that while he might be a Neanderthal version of Archie Bunker (perfect description – mad I didn’t think of it), she also might have gone a little too far in busting his chops and sabotaging a good thing.
The next night, while waiting for dinner alone, Reza calls Mike to invite him to Belize and also tell him that he’s not only having dinner with Jessica, but he’s going to invite her on the trip to. Mike balks but Reza says he’s not interested in getting involved in their relationship, he just wants to invite Jessica to Belize
to get involved in their relationship.
Jessica arrives, looking on guard and Reza invites her. She decides to tell him what we all knew was coming – Jessica isn’t going back to Mike because he cheated on her. Reza isn’t surprised (along with everyone else out there) at all and Jessica reveals just how hurt she is for trusting Mike. In between Reza dishing out sound advice about how Jessica needs to do what is best for her, he stops to order buffalo chicken tenders (what is with the Shahs and buffalo chicken tenders?) and doesn’t miss a beat jumping back into the conversation with some shady remarks about what a bag of crap her soon-to-be ex-husband is. Jessica leaves, buffalo chicken tender-less and Reza calls Mike to report what happened, conveniently leave out what he said about him.
MJ is driving to meet Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi to get their lashes done and calls Reza to talk in the meantime. Reza says he has been googling rheumatoid arthritis and something isn’t adding up. We flash back to MJ, GG, and GG’s entire family at the RA doctor, not getting chemo or anything close to it – GG got a blood draw and will be put on medication to manage her RA. MJ wonders why GG is exaggerating her treatment and well, because GG is GG. Is there any other answer that makes sense?
Reza, Shervin, and Asa meet at Mike’s house to leave for Belize. Adam Neely can’t go because he
can’t stand dealing with these animals on an international level has to work. Asa wonders if they can get cornrows when they arrive in Belize, I guess because they would go perfectly with her and Reza’s bedazzled backpacks. They call GG to see if she is meeting them at the airport and she tells them she won’t be on their flight and hangs up. Shervin fills everyone in on his recent conversations with her and they all express doubts about the severity of her RA. Looks like outside of buying throw-back Puma leisure suits fit for a the 1970s Olympic track team, Shervin has also been busy learning about what it would really mean for GG to get radiation, so he’s not buying what she has to say.
They arrive in Belize, minus GG, and take a puddle jumper to their resort. Reza sweats his mustache off and complains about the plane being low class, while spraying everyone with his water bottle, which is definitely an indicator of high class. Of course, their villa style resort is gorgeous and MJ immediately calls Tommy’s voicemail to complain about the humidity and everything else.
GG arrives on a separate flight with Nima, the only guy left willing to put up with her nonsense. He did suggest the trip but I’m not completely sure why he’s here, given that he’s not a real cast member, but I guess GG needs an ally. Like anyone else suffering from a severe autoimmune disease that they have been crying about for years, GG immediately fires up a ciggy by the pool and demands less ice and more vodka in her drink.
Day turns into night and GG decides to confront Reza about the sh*t he’s been talking behind her back. She is hurt that he would even insinuate that she isn’t as sick as she is claiming to be, all while smoking a cigg and slugging back another glass of vodka. Reza listens patiently but instead of taking any responsibility for what he said, deflects to the fact that he has heard things about her RA from MJ and Shervin. GG goes on to say that her test results are in, she does have to do chemo, she has an “invisible disease”, blah, blah, blah – this is all sounding way too Yolanda Hadid/Brooks Ayers for me. Reza still isn’t 100% sold, even when she asks him to go to treatment with her.
Before dinner, Shervin has finally woken up to the fact that GG is a drama queen, MJ is drunkenly calling supposed ex-boyfriend Tommy who isn’t answering (Do I sense a surprise visit coming?), and Mike is whining about how much he misses his wife. They arrive at dinner and GG’s eyes are already at half-mast so we all know how this is going to turn out (again). MJ wants to play the fun game of going around the table, confessing something, so that it can be burned into the universe and let go. Didn’t we already play this game when they went camping? The guys admit to how much they masturbate on the daily (deep stuff, guys). Nima decides to go in on GG, all while she shoves a piece of food in her mouth, and say that he’s been enabling her. GG swallows as fast as possible to release a barrage of curse words and tell everyone to stop talking about her RA, even though SHE can’t stop talking about her RA.
GG says she’s going to put everyone on blast because they need to worry about their own stuff and decides to turn on Shervin, as she dramatically flips her humidity-destroyed hair extensions. Shervin is having none of this and gets up, in full bro stance, and morphs into some reject from long lost footage of a Jersey Shore fight caught on camera. GG is upset that she thought he had her back and will never trust a man who shaves his arms and chest again. Dinner is over and I am just now seeing that Mike spent the entire dinner in his hotel bathrobe. I guess in Belize, you let it all hang out, both literally and figuratively.
Photo Credit: Bravo