The broken record of broken daters continues on Famously Single and as we start another episode, no one fits into that category better than resident Shallow Hal, Josh Murray (yeah, the guy from The Bachelorette who isn’t even famous enough to have a Wikipedia page).
Josh is flipping through Instagram and complaining to Aubrey O’Day about how women need to measure up to his standards. Aubrey makes a valiant effort to explain to him that what he sees on Instagram is not exactly real, but you can see his beady little fame-seeking eyes glossing over as visions of fake boobies dance in his head.
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Brandi Glanville and Calum Best are going on a date! WHY? Although they have had a relationship I can only compare to something I experienced in high school, these two want to see what happens. They take a cooking class together. Calum can’t even remember who he’s out with and calls her Aubrey.
The actual Aubrey, who is hooking up with another cast mate, Pauly D, is having another high school relationship of her own. As they pass time in the house making out, she requests a pen so she can “tattoo” her name on his body. Pauly tries to resist but apparently, Aubrey is very persuasive and Pauly can’t say no to her. Is anyone learning ANYTHING on this show? Nah, I think the Singletons are actually regressing at this point.
Josh goes on a second date with Diana, the girl he almost blew it with last week when everyone did the earpiece experiment. They meet at the batting cages and even though Josh just wants to continue to talk about himself, Diana is taking it in stride. She lives in L.A. so I’m assuming she’s used to this. Without even being prompted, Josh lists his turn ons, which includes women who know what they want but aren’t overbearing. Don’t expect to talk about overbearing things (like maybe yourself) when you’re out with Josh, ladies!
Dr. Darcy Sterling has had enough of his crap and decides that the group therapy topic is going to be all about looks vs. personality. Willis McGahee admits he sees looks first so therefore, it seems to be the most important thing. Calum attempts to explain that looks are all fine and dandy but if a woman doesn’t say please and thank you, she’s out. Then Josh pipes up and says looks don’t matter and the whole cast gets a really good laugh, so much so that I’m pretty sure I saw the camera shake because even the crew was laughing at him.
Somaya Reece is over dating good looking guys who are dumb and lists humility as the number one turn off for her, which is pretty hilarious since she has none. Coach Laurel comes back to Josh and explains that he isn’t going to find the best friend/soul mate he’s looking for if he doesn’t get to know them first and wants to know what he would think when he is married and his wife is pregnant with a drooping ass. Josh says it won’t matter when he’s married and I’m pretty sure Josh will never actually be married, so what does it matter anyway?
Pauly talks about how he just wants to be with someone who loves him for who he is and not who they think he should be. Coach Robert jumps in to talk about how poignant this is and Aubrey is nodding her head like she understands, but probably wondering when she can get her hands on another pen to tattoo Pauly again.
Now that we got all those lame and insignificant feelings out of the way, the Singletons get treated to their next challenge – a blind mixer. Oh, and here’s the fun twist (groan): they are actually going to be blind because they have to wear blacked out sunglasses. Sigh. Jessica White thought sunglasses would go perfect with her Selena (Quintanilla-Perez not Gomez, and if you don’t know, please google immediately) outfit for the occasion. Good thing no one can see you, girl!
The guys do a shot in the kitchen and the wave of potential dates is released from the elevator shaft, cattle call style, which is super classy. Coach Robert is on bus boy duty and hustles around the room, cleaning up empty glasses and probably hating his life. The mixer is over without anything exciting happening but the guys are all drunk excited about how amaaaaaazing it was. It must be liberating for them to actually talk to women without worrying about keeping their eyes above boob level.
It’s time for Willis to contribute something to the show and have a one-on-one with Dr. Darcy. She asks how it’s going in the house and he admits that the guys who are coupled up (Pauly and Calum) enjoyed the mixer the most but he thinks they are holding back from the experiments so they don’t step on any toes (meaning Aubrey and Brandi). Dr. Darcy is shocked to hear this (uh, really?) and makes a mental note but says no more. Going deeper into the mind of Willis, we find out he has been cheated on and describes it as disappointing. Oh, and he hates confrontation. I like how Willis always looks like he’s smiling, even when he’s not.
In group again, Dr. Darcy is going around and asking everyone who they would like to go on a date with from the blind mixer. Pauly, wearing matching backwards baseball hats with Aubrey while she literally sits on him, avoids getting his eyes scratched out and says he would rather go on a date with Aubrey than anyone from the mixer. Calum is asked as well and says he could see himself going out on a date with Christina, one of the girls from the mixer.
Dr. Darcy asks Calum point blank if he wants to go out with her and he diplomatically flounders around but ultimately says yes. Josh likes the same girl and Calum, probably realizing now he definitely won’t get laid by sure thing Brandi, says he will bow out of the date so Josh can have her, and he will go out with Brandi instead. Ooof, not a good move, bro. No woman wants to be the second choice, even in a game as dysfunctional as this.
Once that’s over, Brandi and Calum start fighting in front of everyone. Brandi is upset that while on their cooking class date, Calum said he would only date her during this process and clearly went back on that. They sit down privately and Calum can’t understand what he did wrong because well, he’s dumb. And Brandi is just as dumb for wanting to date this guy. It ends with Calum storming off for a cigarette break. Geez, if these two vapid train wrecks can’t make love work, what hope is there for the rest of us? Then again, I’m just over here married and droopy assed, so what do I know?
TELL US – DO YOU THINK CALUM AND BRANDI ARE A GOOD MATCH?
Photo Credit: E!