Well, we have made it to the season finale of Famously Single and this might have been the longest/shortest season of a reality show in recent memory. What I mean is that we have only sat through eight episodes, but this seems like more than enough. I guess these “celebrities” can’t stay in a loft banging each other forever though; they all have to get back to errr… uhhhh… what do they all do again?
One person that I do know is gainfully employed again (at least for an episode or two) is resident snooze-fest Josh Murray, who appeared in a promo for an upcoming episode of Bachelor in Paradise. Will Josh bring anything to the table there? Doubtful but hey, a guy’s gotta get paid, right? As for the rest of the cast, I guess they will just fade back into the complete obscurity from which they came. Oh, and Dr. Darcy Sterling has to go back to Vanderpump Rules to fulfill her obligations as Katie Maloney’s stunt double.
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Because the scary-obsessive Aubrey O’Day can’t get love interest Pauly D to put a ring on it RIGHT NOW, she’s headed out to dinner to obsess about it some more with Brandi Glanville, Jessica White, and Somaya Reece. Aubrey thinks Pauly is starting to “get it” since he sent her a really sweet text after lots of sex within the last day. The ladies are unimpressed until they find out that Pauly D has his, errr, little D pierced. Brandi of all people says that Aubrey overshares. When Brandi is uncomfortable talking about sex, you know you have gone too far.
Brandi has her own issues, and those issues are Calum Best. She doesn’t really say what she is going to do about them, but we know she has them. Jessica admits that Willis McGahee planted a kiss on her and apparently, they have made out before. This is all news to Aubrey, who obviously doesn’t notice anything outside of her own delusions. Being fatally attracted to someone obviously takes up a lot of energy.
Back at the loft, the bros are in full force as Pauly D talks to the rest of the Neanderthals about how he is glad he waited to have sex with Aubrey and thinks he will continue talking to her after the show is over. Calum talks about Brandi and how they have issues when they drink but she’s “good people”. Willis, never one to turn down an opportunity, assures Calum that if he won’t date her, Willis will. Damn, Willis, does Brandi get a say in this?
It’s the last night together for the Singletons and what better way to celebrate than to hop into a tacky party bus and hit the town to get sh*t faced? Boozing it up has clearly been a winning combination every other time it’s happened this season so why mess with perfection?
Brandi and Calum stick with the formula and start sparring before they even get off the bus when Calum says he will continue to talk to her after the show and Brandi says something about how she will see him at the reunion. Oh, honey, this isn’t Real Housewives and this definitely isn’t Bravo. Just like there will be no text from Calum, there will be no reunion to see him at.
Dr. Darcy set this whole night up so the Singles could “celebrate their new perspective on dating”, which is basically the same warped perspective they came in with. The cast has invited some friends and hey, Coach Laurel is here! Where did she come from? I assumed she and Coach Robert decided they would be better off bussing tables and waiting for Lisa Vanderpump to discover them but I guess I was wrong. Well, kind of, because Coach Robert isn’t here and I know Sur is slammed on Saturday nights so you do the math.
Aubrey is telling her friends how she asked Pauly to be her boyfriend and he said he wants to take his time. Aubrey needs to know how long she can wait for someone to decide and I’m guessing the appropriate answer should be more than two weeks in a house being filmed? Her friends, who are clearly unequipped for this level of crazy, don’t know what to say and Aubrey concludes that Pauly shouldn’t play hard to get with someone who is hard to get. To which I literally laughed out loud – if Aubrey thinks she is a gal who is hard to get, then I have a Danity Kane CD I’m dying to get signed.
The trouble brewing between Brandi and Calum starts to boil. Calum is drunkenly yelling at Brandi about how she always shuts him down. They all head back to the house and Calum hits on one of Brandi’s friends, right in front of Brandi. He is walking around with his shirt off and not only are we treated to seeing what a real d**k he is, but we also get to see just how terrible his tattoos really are. The next morning, Calum tries to grunt his feelings to Josh on the rooftop, who grunts back. I don’t even know or care to understand what they are saying and I just want this ten minutes of my life back. Is that too much to ask!?
It’s time for the last group session and I can see how relieved Dr. Darcy is. She asks everyone to talk about what they got out of the experience and of course, Aubrey starts by talking ad nauseam about her and her relationship with Pauly. No one is listening, including Dr. Darcy, who has hopefully learned how to sleep with her eyes open by now. Once Aubrey finishes her soliloquy, Dr. Darcy says, “great, thanks” and probably makes a note to block Aubrey’s number from her cell phone ASAP.
As for the rest of the group, Calum says this has been a mind blowing experience, Somaya gets emotional and vulnerable talking about how she has opened up, Jessica says something about being thankful for something, and Josh says the most he has said since arriving at the house. He says he needs to date more and I think that’s code for “sign up for more reality shows”. Brandi says she has gotten better at knowing what she needs and that’s respect from a man.
Let’s to flash forward to what some of the Singletons are up to six months later. Dr. Darcy visits Brandi, who invited Calum to Thanksgiving the next day, but it didn’t go well and it doesn’t sound like they have spoken since. It also doesn’t sound like Brandi has learned anything but she did date an Uber driver, who was only ruled out because he smoked cigarettes.
On to Aubrey and Pauly D, who at the time of this update, were still together. Aubrey is blonder, more plastic-y, and just as bat-sh*t crazy as ever. They seem happy and are following each other on Instagram, which is apparently a big deal when you’re a down and out celebrity just trying to find some love in the world.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE SEASON FINALE? DID YOUR OPINION OF BRANDI CHANGE AFTER WATCHING HER ON FAMOUSLY SINGLE?
Photo Credit: E!