Last night we witnessed the many pregnancies of Little Women: LA progressing, with some hullabaloo along the way concerning head injuries past and domestic sketchiness present. And Terra Jole is loving every messy minute of it!
After the ladies were informed of Briana Renee’s health scare last week, they are left to question what the real truth is about her “pre-term labor” claims. And whether Matt Ericson (Grundhoffer) is basically holding her hostage in a hospital bed somewhere in a dark basement, allowing her to Face Time friends and communicate a Morse Code “H-E-L-P” signal through subtle eyebrow movement. Or maybe he’s just a misunderstood guy who’s trying to take care of his wife out of the public spotlight? Nah. Basement kidnapping it is!
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Claiming to love being six months pregnant, Terra ropes Tonya Banks into a baby shopping trip with her. They discuss going to DragCon, an event where little people will be part of a panel. All of the girls were all on RuPaul’s Drag Race recently, and were invited to DragCon as well. Terra thinks little people and drag queens have a lot in common which is true in Jasmine Sorge’s case because people love watching them perform, but also give them the side eye on the street. Terra doesn’t relish the thought of running into Christy McGinity at the event, though. She DOES love how ugly Joe Gnoffo got with Christy at their post-spa dinner, which just highlights the two angry peas in a pod they are.
At home shoveling sh*t is Christy, who sits down to dish dirt with Todd after cleaning up. She complains about Joe going off on her at Elena Gant’s event, which Todd isn’t surprised to hear. But she’s even more concerned about what’s going on with Briana. Christy is licking her chops with new shady info on Matt: he’s apparently been communicating with a trans model, Plastic Martyr, who he met at Christy’s anniversary party.
Christy’s texts and calls to Briana have gone unanswered, but Briana’s dire health emergency is splashed all over TMZ. According to “sources,” reports say Briana’s friends and family are by her side, which Christy calls bullsh*t on. Briana’s parents are ready to file a missing person’s report – no one knows where the F she is! Matt could have her in a ditch somewhere, Christy cries. But they can’t save her. Todd wisely advises that all they can do is pray for her safety and be there for Briana if she needs them.
Sometime later, Terra meets Elena (seven months pregnant with twin boys) out for lunch. They rehash spa day, which Elena feels like the girls – namely Terra – ruined. She asks Terra point blank if she realizes that she is almost always the center of conflict? Terra, shocked, can’t quite believe anyone on HER show is calling her on her sh*t. So she breaks down in tears defending herself, arguing that it’s impossible to be around Christy after the lawsuit debacle! Elena looks like someone who’s just realized that she’s in an alternate universe where talking about TMZ rumors trumps talking about actual life. Methinks Elena might not be long for this reality TV world once those babies are born…
Back at Christy’s, she’s complaining to her mom about her daughter Autumn’s attitude, her English boyfriend, and hormonal tantrums. Christy’s mom is concerned that Autumn needs some sex ed, mainly abstinence based, of course! Christy throws a tantrum of her own about not getting enough sex ed from her mom and how she wants Autumn to know all about masturbation and “empowerment.” Which, eww. Hasn’t Christy’s daughter suffered enough by having to hear Christy and Todd through the walls all these years? And see her mama’s hoo-ha in extreme close up at the filmed gyno visit last season? #FreeAutumn!
At Terra’s, 14-month old Penny is healthy, beautiful, and happy. But she’s not walking yet, which is not that concerning, as little babies take longer to perfect that muscle movement. But Terra is concerned about having two babies who don’t walk at the same time. She’s also concerned about her unborn baby’s health in utero, so she and Joe are going to the OB/GYN to check on the status of its dwarfism. If it has achondroplasia (like Terra) the head would grow at a faster/larger rate, while pseudoachondroplasia would indicate the same growth pattern as an average size child. Both carry risks: Achon ups the risk for double dominancy, which can result in death upon or just after birth. Pseudo can mean many, many health concerns and surgeries throughout life, which Joe has experienced himself. It all seems scary.
Jasmine is entering a scary realm of her own: contact with the dark side Briana and Matt. She is desperately trying to call Briana, whose phone has been going straight to voicemail for four days. Jasmine knows Briana is cutting her off because of Matt, just as she’s done with everyone else.
While Jasmine discusses this with Chris, Preston calls – from the hospital! No, he’s not with Briana and Matt. He’s there with Elena, whose blood pressure has spiked and is at risk for preeclampsia. He’s worried, Elena’s worried. Jasmine and Chris are too. Preeclampsia is no joke. But it is worth taking a moment to compare/contrast Preston’s delivery of bad news with Matt’s. Does Preston make the whole situation about HIM? No. Does Preston claim he’s “crying” and distraught to attract pity from anyone within earshot? No. Does he deliver the news through a text after he sexts his latest side piece? No. Because Preston is a man, while Matt is…a monkey’s a$$.
Oh please God no. Just no. Christy is doing her best to create a storyline that revolves around Autumn as she demonstrates STDs through the use of a mushy eggplant. Then she does the whole condom/banana bit just to drive home the cheesiness of this poorly staged moment. Autumn is 100% eye rolls and stank face about the whole thing, which I cannot blame her for one iota. What to say about this scene? How about nothing. Moving on!
After being released from the hospital, Elena is at home, depressed, and resting. She hopes she doesn’t have to deliver her babies early. Terra visits her to talk about DragCon, which Elena has no plans of attending now. Elena doesn’t want her life to shut down, but Terra assures her that the health of these babies is the number one priority. She encourages Elena to reach out for help, but Elena doesn’t seem to be taking this information in. She’s under the delusion that she can get past this easily, however something tells me reality will set in soon.
Over at Jasmine’s, Christy visits. They are scared for Briana, wondering why Matt is the only one texting everyone the deets of Briana’s health crisis? Also, Briana’s sister Tiana is in contact with Christy, and has told her that Briana’s family has no idea where she is – although they are taking care of Briana’s daughter, Leiana. WHAT!? Something doesn’t add up here. (It never does…why am I continually surprised!? #SlowLearner)
Christy doesn’t care if Briana is pissed at her for talking to her family. She was in an abusive relationship herself, so she knows how the victim becomes isolated, rarely telling anyone the real story. As she relays this background to Jasmine, she gets a text from Tiana. It’s a screenshot of a text from Matt to Tiana threatening that “proper legal action” will be taken if she or any family try to contact Briana again in the hospital. Har! Matt threatening anyone with proper legal action (let alone knowing how to spell those words) is laughably absurd. Christy and Jasmine are dumbfounded. Is it possible for Matt to sink to even lower levels when he is already in the deepest hell pit of humanity? Apparently so.
DragCon is here! But only half of the ladies show up, much to Terra’s chagrin. Terra, Tonya, and Christy are the only members of the panel able to make it the event, so Terra will have to face her nemesis head on. In public. On stage. Christy has a new publicist, which is apparently Briana’s old publicist. Terra and Tonya thinks this is some shady sh*t. But Christy is all, curled hair don’t care!
Terra puts on her game face on stage and gives a good speech about little person empowerment, but it all goes to hell when an audience member asks Christy about the head injury charges. She stumbles over her words, is interrupted by Terra demanding she show the police reports, then just shuts up while the drag queen in charge takes over. Sooooooo…who here thinks the random dude in the audience wasn’t so “random”? (I assume all hands are raised!) I smell a Terra plant. After the show, Christy’s new publicist advises her to bury the hatchet with Terra. It ain’t good for business. Christy is pissed, but agrees.
Christy slaps her best fake smile on as she approaches Terra after the event to apologize. She sweetly says she wants their friendship back, but Terra’s not buying what she’s selling. Terra can’t forgive someone who wanted to put her in jail over a fake concussion. Christy offers to show her the report, which proves her injury was real! Terra doesn’t want to see a report, and she doesn’t want to see Christy. Ever again. Christy is DIS-MISSED.
At the OB/GYN later, Terra and Joe are getting an ultrasound to assess the baby’s measurements. Terra doesn’t mind having an achon baby, but she is hoping for pseudo so that the risk of double dominancy is totally eliminated. The doctor delivers the news: Terra is almost 26 weeks pregnant and the baby’s measurements show average growth. The head is not oversized and the femur is bigger than Penny’s was at this stage. All signs lead to pseudo or average size! Terra and Joe are relieved.
Writing in her pregnancy journal and – thank goodness! – relaxing, is Elena. Preston joins her on the couch to chat, but no sooner does he sit down than…da da da DUM! They decide to Face Time Briana. Matt picks up the call from…the hospital? The Saw VIII movie set? Dexter’s laboratory?
In any case, Briana appears to be in a hospital bed, telling them she’s been having contractions for the past couple of days. She has a bowel obstruction, which is causing the contractions, so now her stomach is being drained to relieve the pressure. It has something to do with being a little person, and sounds serious. Briana says the doctors were afraid for her and the baby’s life.
Elena asks if she can visit. Briana says no thanks. But the truly horrific moment happens next when Elena simply asks which hospital she’s in. Matt interrupts from the sidelines: “No! I don’t want anyone here,” he sternly orders. “That’s not on the table.” Briana lamely looks to her left at her captor and quickly agrees. “You know how I feel about the girls,” he warns. “They have your number.” Yup, they do Matt. And the entire world has YOURS.
TELL US: SHOULD TERRA FORGIVE CHRISTY? IS BRIANA TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT HER HEALTH ISSUE?
Photo Credit: Lifetime
