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Shahs of Sunset recap

If you thought this season of Shahs of Sunset was all about divorce drama and questioning someone’s health status, you are in the same cynical boat I’m in. But Shahs isn’t all doom and gloom and this episode (sort of) proves it with the perfect formula to rally bored reality show fans everywhere: an overly staged marriage proposal! OK, I still have to be mostly cynical when watching; it’s just the nature of the beast.

We start at Mercedes “MJ” Javid’s condo, where she is busy tidying up her clothing racks so she can have a yard sale. Shervin Roohparvar comes to watch, presumably because he has nothing better to do all day and hasn’t fulfilled his camera time for the week. MJ explains that she needs to make more room for boyfriend, Tommy Feight, who I thought was already moved in anyway? She goes through the hangers and takes us for a long walk down sad memory lane and describes how her clothes remind her of times in her life. Like the time she wore this dress, Vida was berating her at a table full of people and making her cry. Yeah, probably time to get rid of that one.

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It must be a slow day in the kaftan business because Asa Soltan Rahmati stops by as well. The three of them throw all of MJ’s clothes in the back of a Dodge minivan and head off to the Valley, where all of MJ’s clothes will actually be appreciated and stand a chance of being sold.

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Still in bed at God knows what hour, Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi describes herself as busy all day with all the shopping, getting her nails done, and getting massages she has to do. Scoff all you want but trashy club outfits and acrylic claw-like nails don’t just appear on their own, people! She says she wouldn’t even have time for a job and obviously, hundreds of unsold GG’s hair extensions are sitting in a warehouse, probably right next to all the rotting Kim Zolciak wigs that never made it to market.

Before heading back to bed, GG’s acupuncturist comes by to help manage her rheumatoid arthritis and GG compares the euphoric feeling of acupuncture to heroin.

The minivan of broken dreams/clothes has made it to the Valley, along with MJ’s clothing racks, so she can display her clothes in the classiest way possible considering it’s a yard sale that actually takes place on the curb. Before they even have the racks finished and all of her shoes thrown on the grass, we see a few buyers lurking around, who turn out to be teenage white girls, who clearly don’t understand European sizing and have no idea these clothes will be way too big for them. MJ acts upset and makes a big show of pretending to stop the shoppers because she can’t let go of her precious things but finally submits and sells one of her cardigans to a grown man.

Shahs of Sunset recap

Reza Farahan and Adam Neely head down to the county service center so Adam can change his last name. Oh wait, sorry, so Reza could change his last name for him, whether he agrees with it or not. Clearly, Adam wasn’t on board with it. While filling out paperwork, the clerk informs them that even though they had a surprise wedding ceremony on a whim because Reza felt like it, that doesn’t actually equate to a legal marriage in the eyes of the state. Reza acts frustrated but I think we all know even he isn’t dumb enough to think he could have be considered legally married before actually getting a marriage license.

Asa is wandering around the side of a busy road with a camera and skin tight dress, waiting for Mike Shouhed and his dogs to show up so she can photograph him. He was supposed to be doing this couples photoshoot with his wife, Jessica Parido, but clearly that ship has sailed. Asa should just call her latest project what it really is: pictures of the only people willing to sit through another one of her kooky ideas. Mike, dressed up in full cholo uniform complete with giant pit bull, talks about how the photoshoot is like a funeral for what his relationship. #deepthoughts

Shahs of Sunset - Season 5

MJ calls GG so she can invite her to her Renewal Party and GG is as just as confused as I am. What exactly is MJ renewing? This all feels very Ramona Singer but whatever, MJ needs to have a party to commemorate her life moving in a different direction. How self-absorbed do you have to be to throw a party every time you do something in life like give away some old clothes that don’t fit?

Speaking of another useless commemoration, Reza and Adam have called Asa and her gold turban over to remarry them, as in totally for reals and legal this time. MJ comes too and they sit on their hideous seventies game show couch to exchange vows.

Shervin meets Tommy to go engagement ring shopping so he can surprise MJ by proposing at her Renewal Party. Tommy picks out a ring in less than 30 seconds and reveals to Shervin that it’s a gamble on whether or not MJ will say yes or not. He did get permission from her father, which wins major points in my book, but he doesn’t know how everyone else in her life will feel about the proposal.

Five minutes later, it’s time to buy the ring and even with an adjusted lower price, Tommy doesn’t know how to negotiate a deal so Shervin feels the need to step in and show off his Persian haggling skills. Like any of this matters since this is so obviously not the same ring MJ was seen flashing around when they announced they were engaged in the press.

Shahs of Sunset recap

The day of the Renewal Party, MJ is picking out her outfit, flower crown, and bouquet in front of Tommy. She is pretty much dressed up like a low-key bohemian bride for this whole shin dig, which we now find out is at a cemetery. This is probably the worst party planning to date from Bravo and I can’t help but be annoyed at how lazy the producers are getting. MJ tries to explain the cemetery bit, how she’s using a symbolic casket to bury her past, blah blah blah, but I can’t even be bothered by the time she arrives and gets to her choir and chicken coops full of doves to be released.

Everyone shows up and Mike and GG agree how weird this whole thing is. Right there with you guys on that one! Vida asks Mike where Jessica is and instead of answering like a grown man, he snaps by asking where MJ’s dad is. She keeps asking and the fight quickly escalates to a back and forth as to why they have both been left by their significant others.

Shahs of Sunset recap

Mike says he’s had enough of Vida mistreating MJ, but let’s face it, this is obviously about her pushing his buttons. The Persian mafia quickly jumps in to drag Mike away and remind him how culture will not allow him to disrespect his elders. Really, Tommy is the voice of reason here, explaining to Mike that he thinks he is right but it’s neither the time nor the place. Some things are sacred and apparently, a made-up Renewal Ceremony at a cemetery being filmed for a reality show is one of those things.

MJ arrives and is accompanied to the casket by her choir of hummers. She starts blabbing on about today being about renewal, rebirth, and stripping away her ego. MJ finally gets to the point of all this, which she doesn’t really end up explaining, but throws a bunch of her tacky old jewelry, makeup, and birth control in the casket to be buried along with this episode.

Shahs of Sunset recap

MJ is finished and awkwardly holds the lid of the casket open, then looks at Tommy expectantly. Uhhh, like this isn’t predictable. A few seconds go by and he realizes this is his cue for his “surprise” proposal. As the hug and cry, Vida is the only one who looks confused but everyone else knows this is coming and isn’t surprised at all.

Tommy is really bawling here and I would have been touched if they hadn’t just called each other baby one hundred times. MJ can’t even pretend to look surprised and covers her face as Tommy drops to one knee. She says yes and they smash faces. Doves are released to mark the joyous occasion but not so quick, Vida storms off and we are left hanging with a “To Be Continued”. Vida Dearest isn’t about to let this end on a happy note.

TELL US – THOUGHTS ON MJ’S RENEWAL CEREMONY? DO YOU THINK MJ AND TOMMY WILL GET MARRIED?

Photo Credit: Bravo

AUTHOR: KAREN