On last night’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, Kim Zolciak Biermann had to brave the mean streets of Los Angeles without the protection of
chef Tracey husband Kroy Biermann. Of course, life of a wannabe momager isn’t always easy, and if she’s going to help skyrocket her twin Brielle and foul mouthed KJ into super stardom. Who do you think would win in a cage match between Kim and Kris Jenner?
The episode begins with Kim complaining about how often Tracey prepares fettuccine alfredo. Sure, Kim loves pasta and eats it everyday, but Kroy deserves something fancier in the kitchen. Tracey would love to get to use her actual culinary skills, but (shocker!), her talent is lost on the Biermanns. She admits that when she started cooking for the family, she made everything from scratch with fresh ingredients, but gave up when it became obvious that they preferred canned crap. Tracey cites being the Biermanns’ cook has been the most difficult experience of her career…and she was on Top Chef. Kroy insists he’s a foodie, although he’s never heard of exotic foods such as flank steak and tomatoes. Tracey promises to wow them with an upscale menu when they return from Los Angeles. They are taking Brielle to meet with Access Hollywood and have arranged for two huge casting agencies to fight over who will reap the benefits of KJ’s future celebrity.
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Kroy’s physical therapist comes for a dry needling session, and he’s wincing and whining through the pain. Kim chides him about his low tolerance for pain, but Kroy counters that he’s much tougher than his wife. Kim laughs at the idea of Kroy dealing with the pain of labor, but he thinks getting hit on the football field is much more painful. Okey-doke, Kroy! With his new free agency, he may not have to worry about getting tackled anymore. Fortunately, the Buffalo Bills are interested in speaking with him, but unfortunately, he’s going to have to bail on the beginning of the LA trip to make the trek to upstate New York. Hopefully, Kim won’t be on her own with Brielle and KJ for long.
Tracey walks in on Brielle practicing her hosting skills by reading subtitles on the television, a tip she received from Jason Kennedy when she visited E! last season. I never thought I’d type this, but Brielle is actually pretty good at it. Tracey agrees. Brielle may be irresponsible as hell and the chef never thought she’d be able to hold a job, but Kim’s mini-me just may be on to something with this career path. Brielle reveals that she is going to LA to meet with Access Hollywood. Her parents will only let her move to Los Angeles if she’s employed, and her publicist got her an interview. While it’s technically not a paying gig, he’s confident that if Brielle starts out as an intern she can quickly work her way up the ranks to a prime time hosting position. Mmmhmm. Sure.
After a rowdy game of pool with his sons, Kroy questions KJ about whether he’s excited about the LA trip. Um, $^*& yeah, he is! Kim joins the crew in their home theater to work with KJ on his acting chops. She tells KJ the casting director may ask what he wants to be when he grows up, and KJ confidently replies, “A chef!” Wrong answer, kid! You want to be a television star! The child is literally bouncing off the walls as Kim and Kroy try to cajole him into being interested in acting to the point where we’re forced to watch Kroy improvise a skit about his ass. I swear, I’m getting dumber watching this episode, but I know I’ll watch it eighty more times in the next two weeks.
Arriving in Los Angeles, Brielle hits up In and Out and scarfs down a burger in literally one bite. Even KJ is appalled, but I’m reminded of Kim slurping up Tracey’s noodles mere minutes ago. Kim finds it ironic that her daughter has gained the freshman fifteen without actually attending college. Speaking of food, back in Atlanta, Tracey is experimenting with her high end menu with Ariana and Kash as her guinea pigs. Kash is practicing his dicing skills will a butcher knife the size of his arm, which is a normal kitchen task for a three-year-old. While he doesn’t have the most discerning palate, he’s at least willing to try whatever Tracey puts in front of him. Ariana, not so much…she claims non-existent food allergies to avoid taste testing.
It’s a wonder that KJ has such a foul mouth given his mother’s delicate vocabulary. She’s stressed to be navigating Los Angeles without her security blanket Kroy by her side, so she’s enlisted her publicist Jack to be his stand-in until Kroy arrives in California. Kim is concerned about dragging KJ to the laboratory that is creating her skincare line without Kroy there to wrangle his precocious behavior. Brielle really isn’t much of a baby-sitter, you know. After a hairy drive to the lab, Kim meets her “team” in person, and the crew gets down to determining the perfect scent for her line. She’ll know it when she smells it, but it sure as $&%* isn’t going to be an easy job. Or is it? Coconut lime, it is!
In case you aren’t convinced that Kim and Brielle are slowly morphing into one person, their stance of elevators will change your mind. They don’t ride them (high five!) in elevators and insist on taking the stairs up to the hotel penthouse. In fact, neither has ridden (fist bump!) the elevator in their Atlanta home. In fact, wouldn’t it make more sense for penthouses to be on the first floor? It would save them the unnecessary exercise! Later, KJ is rehearsing for his audition with the help of Brielle and Jack, and by rehearsing, I mean talking a bunch of gibberish and jumping all over the furniture. Kim is nervous about how he’ll do the following day given his high energy and lack of respect for adults. Fingers crossed Kroy will be able to make it to LA in time for the audition since KJ listens better to his father. KJ rushes through a quick line about sunscreen that I can barely understand, and Kim is convinced he’s ready for an Oscar.
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? ANY PREDICTIONS FOR HOW KJ’S AUDITIONS GO?
Editor’s Note: Thanks to Lauren for covering Don’t Be Tardy while Karen is away for a few weeks, enjoying her new baby!
[Photo Credit: Bravo]