Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy showcased a stressful time in the Zolciak-Biermann household. Teen angst was at an all time high. Kim and Kroy didn’t see eye-to-eye. Red solo cups were flung around with reckless abandon, and the phrase of all phrases was born (and continues to echo through my brain). Thank you, Bravo. Just thank you.

The episode begins with Kim and crew heading to an Atlanta studio. Kim has used Instagram to set up a dance lesson for Brielle, Chef Tracey, and Shun. Everyone is wearing sexy heels, but poor Tracey is having a very hard time with her footwear. The lesson for today is some stripper dancing, and Kim is ecstatic that she can finally hang out with Brielle as besties and not just in the mother-daughter capacity. Not to mention, Kim loves some gyrating!


Did you hear that mic drop? And just like that the dance instructor coined what is going to be my new favorite passage #SqueezeFromThePuss. Amazing.

As they slither and slide all over the floor, Kim reconsiders her excitement about sharing these moments with Brielle. She wants her daughter to save these moves for her wedding night, which is ironic given that last week she was hellbent on Brielle test driving multiple cars before driving one off the lot for a starter marriage eternity. Tracey, true to form, hits on the dance instructor. Is she trying to make Shun jealous?

Don't Be Tardy recap

Back at home, Ariana is playing basketball with her guy friends and dishing on boyfriend Jared and her disgust at the idea her family may be leaving Atlanta. She gets ridiculously peeved at her older sister for labeling their relationship as middle school puppy love.

Kim and Kroy are taking some kind of dietary supplement oils to make up for the fact that all that sustains them is fettuccine Alfredo and box wine. Not that I’m judging, obvi. Brielle can’t be bothered with the liquid vitamins because she has a Justin Bieber concert to prepare for later in the day. Kroy wants Brielle to take Ariana since she’s a true Belieber, but Ariana wants to go with her school friends and soak up every last second with them in the event the family has to move.

On the family’s basketball court, Ariana complains to her friends about how hard it will be to maintain her relationship with Jared over FaceTime. Kim wants to plan a girls’ day with her daughter in hopes of changing her outlook on the potential move.

DBT Kim and Ariana

On their mother/daughter day out, Kim drags Ariana for manis and pedis. When asked if she wants the same polish as her sister, Ariana can’t be vocal enough about how she wants to be the exact opposite of Brielle. Kim accuses Ariana of being boy crazy, but Ariana insists she just gets along better with guys. However, leaving Jared has Ariana devastated. Kim is overwhelmed by how dramatic age fourteen is, and she reminds Ariana that she won’t remember Jared’s name in 10 years. Ariana’s not dramatic, she just doesn’t want to move!

Speaking of moving, Brielle is doing her best to find her perfect apartment in Los Angeles. Kroy is impressed with Brielle’s ambition, but he needs a her to have a plan. She’s going to need a budget and a job and pots and pans and utensils and more money coming in than going out, and she needs to consider getting a new car because her Jeep has a lot of blind spots. This idea crushes Brielle to no end! How can she go to L.A. without her coveted Jeep?

Over lunch, Kim is floored by just how opposite she is from her middle daughter. Kim forces conversation, but Ariana just wants to focus on her mother’s inappropriate behavior and wardrobe. Ariana accuses her of dressing like a tween and showing too much stomach. Why can’t her mom dress more conservatively? No can dosville, baby doll! Kim wants to show off the body she paid for after birthing six babies! Kim dives into just how amazing this move could be for her. Ariana needs to approach it as an opportunity! Tracey jokes that Ariana shouldn’t move with the family. Instead she should go to L.A. to take care of Brielle because there is no way she’ll survive on her own!

DBT Kim Kroy

Later that day, Kim shares with Kroy how stressed out she is after her day with Ariana. She actually finally sympathizes with her daughter’s fear of moving to a new high school across the country. Kroy wishes his family understood that he’s not a 9-to-5 office guy, and his children need to focus more on how they react to situations as opposed to the situation itself. Likewise, Kim fears that Brielle is going to leave the nest as soon as she gets a job with Access Hollywood.

Kroy lectures Kim about Brielle‘s haphazard lack of planning in regards to a move to Los Angeles. He doesn’t think she’s putting in much effort and isn’t working hard to realize her dreams. Kim is quick to defend her daughter, and ends up fighting with Kroy. Brielle is pretty and by God, things will be handed to her on a silver platter!  As Kim storms off, Kroy accuses her of mimicking Brielle’s BS. “Now you know where she gets it!” Kim snarks before icily toasting him with her red solo cup and retreating into the house.


[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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