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Second Wives Club recap

Last night on Second Wives Club, Shiva Safai continued to mother this unwieldy herd better than she wrangles her own swans. And she did so all while wearing couture in Harpers Bazaar. She may not have the wedding ring, but she literally has everything else – including the love.

Shiva and Mohamed are featured on the cover of Harpers Bazaar Interiors and that’s your daily pretty. On the other side of the spectrum, Veronika Obeng‘s life is imploding before a computer screen in a badly-lit office, where she suspects her husband Dr. Michael Obeng is cheating. Last week, Veronika made her much-fruitful life seem like a perpetual conjugal bliss of reproduction and building the chin plant king of Beverly Hills’ empire, this week she paints a more tawdry picture. We went from Monet to Grant Wood’s American Gothic.

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Veronika puts all her energy into doing things for her husband and his plastic surgery practice. When she’s not wrangling her offspring, she’s office managing or shopping for the cause – she has to look fabulous as a perpetual advertisement for his husband’s work.

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When Michael comes to her desk carrying a giant shrub in a basket that “looks like marijuana” – maybe he wants Veronika to have clouded judgement so she’s not able to focus on his schedule too closely?! – Veronika has a feeling something is drastically wrong. She hates plants, and he knows this! Also, Michael is all business and has stopped asking Veronika to talk about Veronika! I suppose when you mix business with pleasure, and wind up with three kids and a thriving practice, making money somehow trumps talking about shopping with Shiva.

Luckily, Shiva and Katie Cazorla don’t have to worry about such trivial pursuits as work. Icky. They don’t have to stand by their men – their men live to build them up with gas station burritos and personal Turkish spas on the party wing of their 50,000 square-foot mansion.

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Over shopping with Veronika, Shiva imparts wisdom about being confident and knowing when to walk away to save yourself, lessons she learned from her first failed marriage. Perhaps easier done when all your assets – including your eggs and sperm – haven’t been commingled, but it gets Veronika thinking. It also gets Shiva realizing it is time to do a good deed – she and Katie show up unexpectedly to Veronika’s for an ambush babysitting mission.

Shiva and Katie command barely-tethered control of all 7 – or is it 8? cause they kinda can’t figure out if they lost one or not? – kids while Veronika relaxes pool-side with her sisters. Reclining on a chaise, Veronika says nothing can truly make her relax, and her sisters suggest she lessen her burdens by not giving in to Dr. Michael‘s demands so frequently. Apparently, Veronika has to make separate, special meals for him, but her toddlers will eat whatever.

After a couple hours playing mom, Shiva and Katie end up bribing one of the kids to show them where mommy’s wine stash is. Now they are understanding the one perk of motherhood – it comes with license to consume a lot more vino. (I kid!)

Also having marital drama is Shawna Craig. Shawna moved to L.A. at 23, met Lorenzo, married him 10 seconds later, and has spent her twenties caring for an aging old man. She’s tired of mothering babies who aren’t babies and wants to spread her wings and fly into her 30’s. With Lorenzo living in Vegas, Shawna decided to remain in LA and secretly procure an agent to pursue her dream of acting. Apparently, Lorenzo thinks Shawna is already living the dream – well his dream, and since he’s a former Golden Globe nominated ACK-TOR his dreams are the ones that matter.

Did we miss something? When did Lorenzo move to Vegas? In the middle of watching, I paused, wondering if I had missed a show or was accidentally watching episode 3? It seemed like some of the story lines appeared out of nowhere?

Tania Mehra is totally supportive of her boo Shawna getting sneaky behind Lorenzo’s stooped and wrinkled back and encourages her. Shawna arrives to the agents meeting nervous that she’s been out of the business too long to make a new start. Actually, Shawna then reveals that she’s never actually had an agent or been in the business at all – well other than being in the business of being Mrs. Lamas!

I don’t want to be mean, but I cannot STAND Shawna’s hair. It looks like a home dye job and it’s all grown-out, brassy, and greasy. Horrific! Later, when Shawna meets Lorenzo for lunch, I realize he has the same hair color and I’m thinking these two need to stop experimenting with Clairol Nice & Easy, or Crayola Lemon and Goldenrod, and start going to a salon.

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At the agent’s meeting, Shawna is shocked to learn she was supposed to prepare a monologue to demonstrate that she can actually act. She ends up winging it with a tearful soliloquy about if her mythical totally made-up fantasy man loves her, he’ll stay with her and accept her, but if not {sniffle, sniffle} he’ll let her go, although he shouldn’t.

The next day, Shawna gets the call letting her know that the agency will take her as a client. She’s so excited she calls Katie, because she can’t share the good news with Lorenzo. Not Yet!

While Katie is the receiver of good news, Veronika is the receiver of some very bad Instagram stalking! Her suspicions were correct – Michael is having an affair, and it’s been going on for like a year. She found out via the internet when someone learned the mistress had a secret Instagram page dedicated to her love with Michael. Unfortunately, Veronika was the last to find out. Well, her and Dr. Michael.

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Veronika invites Shiva over to share the dreadful news, and she’s not sure what she’ll do yet. Michael has had an affair before but they worked through it. Can Veronika really resign herself to a life of looking like Shiva in Harpers Bazaar on paper, when in actuality her life is a Taco Bell bag filled with burrito wrappers stuffed in the champagne fridge of the Bentley? Veronika was oddly unemotional about it for someone who just discovered this terrifying news, and she confirms that Michael doesn’t know she knows. Shiva vows not to tell.

Meanwhile, Shawna has unearthed Lorenzo in Vegas to tell him the news of her hopeful career. Since she’ll need to remain in L.A. for casting calls and auditions, she won’t be able to change his depends or cook his soft-scrambled eggs in the casino retirement community. Shawna has given him everything – her youth and her uterus (which she donated as Shayne’s surrogate) – and now she wants to actually live like a 30 year old, not a 60 year old. Shawna and Lorenzo’s 29-year-age gap is starting to catch up with her.

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Lorenzo isn’t happy about the news. He misses Shawna and has been spending all his time in a pub. He doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to move to Vegas to continue her life as hand maiden to a washed-up celebugenerian. Lorenzo also warns Shawna of the pitfalls of fame – he once had it all but lost it! In the end, he concedes that she deserves to be happy too. Shawna isn’t convinced their conversation went okay. She also realizes that she loves Lorenzo, but she isn’t sure she wants to continue a life taking care of Lorenzo. Conundrum!

Katie has a sixth sense that all the ladies need a dose of female empowerment, so she decides to throw a mermaid party, with mandatory mermaid tail wearing. It was actually cute and Katie very much got into the spirit of things with tons of kid birthday decorations everywhere.

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Unfortunately, all her friends are so consumed with their own dramas that they can’t get into the tail-flapping spirit – they’re saving all their energy for mouth-flapping.

First, there’s an odd exchange when the ladies discuss cheating, and Tania wonders what Veronika would do if she ever found herself in that situation. As Veronika feigns innocence and pretends she has no idea, Shiva looks on nervously. It seems to me that Veronika is seriously wrestling with whether or not leaving Michael to be his ex no 3 is worth giving up the lifestyle.

But she has bigger fish – er mermaids – to fry at this party! When Morisa Surrey makes a joke about going Jerry Springer, Veronika fumes that it’s racially insensitive and complains that Morisa often makes borderline racist comments to her. Veronika, again, confides in Shiva, who decides to have a discussion with Morisa and Veronika to hopefully clear things up.

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Except Morisa is CLUELESS. Seriously! She’s from Tennessee and apparently only got into the real world yesterday, because she literally has no idea that she’s making an inappropriate comment when she assumes Veronika makes fried chicken because she’s black. She tries to defend herself by explaining that she thinks “Mulattos” like Veronika’s sister is beautiful and she’s impressed that they got the recessive gene for blue eyes. Yep. Seriously. 2016/17 and we have people thinking like this.

Instead of yelling, Veronika graciously excuses herself to take a moment and Shiva is left trying to gently explain to Morisa that she’s living in the dark ages and needs to enter the modern world. Does Morisa have access to this new-fangled internet thingy?

Veronika decides the best approach is to try and educate Morsia on how she’s misguided and to not let her get too much under her skin. Pun intended. After a bit of bickering, Katie interrupts to complain that her friends are isolating themselves in the corner and missing the party, which she worked so hard to throw together. She was up at 7 am hanging streamers, y’all!

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Morisa apologizes to Veronika and hopefully will get a clue. Veronika has decided to let it go – especially since she has Dr. Michael’s infidelity to worry about. Sometimes he apparently doesn’t come home for days or she won’t see him for days because their schedules are so different. In fact not even the housekeeper has seen him.

Where In Instagram Is Dr. Michael Obeng?

TELL US – SHOULD VERONIKA LEAVE MICHAEL? IS LORENZO BEING SUPPORTIVE?

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