Southern Charm Savannah Recap: The Legend Of Bag Her Pants

Was it hot on last night’s Southern Charm Savannah or was it just me? And I’m not just talking about a faulty attic fan…temperatures were rising on the back nine at the country club! Prior to Ashley Borders‘ house catching fire, we learn a little about her relationship with husband Dennis. As she heads out for the fateful girls’ night, she admits that she and Dennis wed because she became pregnant with their son. When Izzie was a toddler, the pair divorced only to remarry a few years later for the sake of their son. Ashley reveals that she and Dennis haven’t had a sexual relationship since Izzie was born, but she realizes he was put in her life to save her son from this fire. She sees him in a different light now, and perhaps the flames of love will be rekindled.

Happy McCullough‘s family has been in Savannah for a really, really long time, and clearly she went to Savannah Country Day. While the expectation was she would settle down with a Savannah blue blood like herself, Episcopalian Happy is engaged to Atlanta native Azam who happens to be Muslim.While her very conservative grandmother has been nothing but supportive, her mother has been harder to convince. Happy’s mom dated Daniel’s dad for close to a decade, and he is Jewish. However, Happy’s mother argues that she didn’t marry him. Happy considers Daniel to be her brother even though their parents are no longer together, and he feels badly that her mother won’t come around where Azam is concerned.


The next morning, Hannah Pearson goes to check on Ashley who rambles on about protective symbols and ghost stories. Her house is clearly built on a Native American burial ground. The girls walk through the city sipping mimosas when Ashley goes deep on her romance (or lack thereof) with Dennis. Hannah isn’t comfortable with this line of conversation, so she quickly changes the subject to her man child who has matured into a would-be sock mogul. Seriously, is this like a Rob Kardashian franchise? If so, where do I sign up? I’d like to get my foot in the door on the ground floor of this million dollar idea.


The following day, Ashley hits the links with Daniel, Louis and another friend. Having played in college, Ashley takes the boys to task and suggests strip golf. The foursome makes up the rules as they go along, but it just involves the guys disrobing. Louis feels like a total douche playing a gentleman’s game without his shirt. At least he’s honest…and correct. Not wanting the guys to feel left out, Ashley shimmies out of her shirt and shorts (um, why?) to reveal a see-through black lace onesie thong situation that requires Bravo’s nipple blurs (trademark pending). Having won the round, Ashley announces her prize…the guys are to participate in a drag night. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that this outing is going to alienate the other ladies.


Catherine Cooper‘s parents break out of their comfort zone to visit their daughter’s party pad. Her mom is super impressed by her studio apartment, but her father isn’t quite convinced. Catherine then relays that she wants to try her hand at event planning after hosting a successful homecoming for Lyle Mackenzie. Someone get her poor father a much stiffer drink! Catherine’s mother laughs at her daughter’s gumption. She finds it hilarious that Catherine fancies herself a party planner when she rarely gets out of bed before noon. Meanwhile, Ashley and Nelson shop for an engagement present for Happy as Ashley rattles on about Southern rules, virginity, pussy cats, and Trump. Is it just me, or does she seem to put on the accent a tad thicker when she’s espousing Savannah’s canons of etiquette?

On a date night, Hannah praises Louis for taking the next step with his socks. I mean, these puns are just too easy! He speaks of socks with such passion, and his eyes light up talking about textiles. He then climbs up the truth tree to rehash the golf outing. He seems clearly mortified by his behavior, and props to him for being honest. Not surprisingly, Hannah doesn’t take the news of Ashley‘s lingerie nine iron very well. She was raised to keep her clothes on, and she feels especially foolish after just confiding in Ashley about the issues in her relationship with Louis. A defeated Louis (he was just trying to do the right thing!), and again he cites everyone’s behavior as douchetastic. Truth sayer, thy name is Louis.

The following day, the girls are toasting Hannah at her bridal shower. Ashley mistakenly read the invitation as Studio 54 attire. Catherine and Happy giggle “just teasing” as they label Ashley’s outfit as slutty (to her face! Southern no-no!), and Hannah retreats to the backyard. She’s not ready to deal with strip golf. Hannah confides in Catherine about her parents’ divorce and her anger at her father for cheating on her mom. Happy’s mother bends Ashley’s ear about how much she adores Azam. He asked her for her daughter’s hand and said he’d go to church with Happy once the pair has children. However, she just can’t get over the fact her daughter won’t be allowed to have a cross in her house. Again, huh? Happy’s mother doesn’t have a problem with Azam being Muslim though. No sir. After all, she’s dear friends with Deepak Chopra. Granted, he’s not Muslim, but he is famous, and he believes Azam is Happy’s soulmate.


Ashley joins Catherine and Hannah outside to invite them to her house cleansing. She’s ready to sage the bad juju out of her home after the fire. Before getting the scheduling details, Catherine announces she’s unable to attend due to a hair appointment. Look out Regina George! As Happy gushes over every gift (can you believe it’s plastic? These platters don’t need polishing! OMG, this wok is my everything!), she’s careful not to break any bows. She’s clearly saving the baby superstitions for later in wedding season. Post presents, Catherine snarks to Ashley about her Tiger Woods impression. That evening, Lyle and Catherine are crabbing for their dinner. Lyle is so smitten, and he wants so badly to be a part of Catherine’s family. Her parents are pretty fabulous, so I can’t say I blame him. Unlike Catherine, Lyle wasn’t born with a trust fund or access to unlimited funds, but he wants to provide Catherine with the lifestyle to which she’s become accustomed…and not by mooching off her folks. He fully intends to support her with his hard work. As he tries to talk with Catherine about the future, she dodges the conversation with kisses. Oh Lyle. Bless your heart.


Across town, Ashley skateboards over to Hannah‘s apartment, because of course. Over wine, Hannah broaches the subject of strip golf as delicately as possible. Ashley is on the defensive, citing double standards between women and men. Plus, Louis didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think that’s what Hannah was getting at, right? Droning on and on about feminism and embracing her body with its flaws, Ashley makes the comparison that shirtless guys are revered while girls in tank tops are shunned. Was that a tank top she was wearing on the golf course? Ashley is abashedly unapologetic. In fact, she’d do it again. Hannah diplomatically tries to explain that she was uncomfortable by the situation but makes the mistake of saying something about be raised differently and implying she’s more God-fearing. The comment sets off Ashley completely who refuses to try to see her friend’s point of view. Talk about unleashing negative energy!


Photo Credit: Bravo TV