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On last night’s 90 Day Fiance, Chantel got to see where all of Pedro’s money is going when she and her family traveled down to the Dominican Republic for their second wedding. Chantel’s parents were also confronted by a plate of chicken feet, which went over about as well as…a plate of chicken feet. Paola continued to make Russ her indentured servant, Mohamed and Danielle continued to torture each other on social media, and Anfisa spontaneously lost 250 pounds when she kicked Jorge out of the apartment.

We begin in Ohio, where Danielle successfully orders a cup of coffee, then whines to her sister and brother in law, Paul, about how she still wants to be frieeeeeends with Mohamed. Paul is like: Wake up, woman! He knows Danielle would take Mohamed back in a heartbeat if he even answered one of her sad texts. Beth, who is also in attendance, nods in agreement. But Danielle swears this time it’s for real, ya’ll! She even wants her family to write affidavits in support of her fraud case. (Wait – Danielle actually learned the word affidavit? This is getting serious.)

Chantel and Pedro prepare for their trip, which includes packing up lots of gifts for Mama Fancy Blouse. Pedro’s mom, Lydia, who called Chantel and her family “stupid Americans” when she learned of their prenup intentions, eagerly awaits the loot coming her way while Chantel’s family looks forward to sneering at the local customs and cuisine. What could go wrong?

After Jorge and Anfisa met with Lourdes for dinner, Anfisa is upset – and this time, justifiably so. Lourdes basically called her a whore while Jorge sat there like an inert eggplant, offering no information about how much he’s lied to Anfisa from the very start. “I was blinded by love,” bemoans Jorge, who’s now living in some sort of roach motel down the street. As he stares at the ceiling in defeat, Anfisa wonders if her contract marriage is finally over. Hey – she already got her green card! Now she just has to set up those secret accounts, erase Jorge’s digital footprint, hot wire his car, and change the locks. Should be a cinch for this chick.

Out food shopping, Loren and Alexei’s mom, Natasha (Natalia), bond over chicken livers. Alexei wants his mom to move to the U.S., but Loren is feeling uncomfortable ever since she confessed the truth about Tourette’s being hereditary. Natasha doesn’t seem to be sweating it though. She’d rather focus on valuable marriage skills like cooking Alexei’s favorite meal than worry about their unborn children. Loren chokes down a gag later while the chicken livers fry, hoping that she can get out of cooking for good if Natasha moves here.

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It’s the time of reckoning for Chantel and Pedro’s families! Chantel’s parents, who look like people who’ve just been ordered to forty years of hard labor rather than parents of the blushing bride, arrive in the DR ready to face their nemesis: Pedro’s mother. After Lydia and Pedro’s sister pick Chantel and her family up at the airport, they immediately ask, “Where’s the television!?” Chantel explains that they’ll FedEx it later, while her family stands by, shocked. They are then invited to a meal at Lydia’s house, where Chantel’s mom, Karen, plans to escape out a window.

Back in LA, Anfisa meets with her friend, Miranda, to discuss her dumpster fire of a marriage. She confesses that she kicked Jorge out because he didn’t stand up for her, and now she doesn’t know where they stand. Miranda thinks Jorge needs to become “more adult,” which is a nice way of saying he needs to stop lying like it’s his job, or accept that the wife he paid for is going to leave him soon. Miranda also thinks Anfisa can easily get another victim guy if Jorge doesn’t come correct. As inspiration for Anfisa’s tragic future in the art of finding pot-dealing deadbeats, Miranda showcases her recent lip injections. Anfisa says she’s also got an appointment to get a consultation on getting some American injectables of her own. The ones she got back in Russia are looking a little, um, road-worn.

In Florida, Loren drives Natasha to see an immigration lawyer who explains the process of moving to the U.S. – for her and eventually, for all of Alexei’s family. It comes down to this: Alexei needs to becomes a U.S. citizen first (which will take three years), then the process of bringing his parents over will only take a matter of months. Alexei’s brother, however, might not be able to come for sixteen years or so. Loren and Natasha are shocked by this news, hoping that he could at least come on a travel visa in the mean time. It’s a complicated situation that they didn’t expect to face.

Speaking of complicated, Mohamed pops up next to continue living the waking nightmare of his life. After meeting his new “friend” Diamond for lunch, she tells him that Danielle has now moved on to stalking HER. “My phone has been ringing nonstop,” complains Diamond, who also claims Danielle is writing her constantly with what I can only imagine are poorly-worded threats. She’s also taken to insulting Diamond’s looks on social media! Diamond’s like, Call off your internet troll!

Oh, random lady on my TLC channel, how little you know about our dear, dauntless Danielle! Mohamed has ZERO control over that woman’s internet trolling, nor does he have any way of protecting himself – let alone your selfie-taking a$$. And unless homeboy wants to wear a kevlar vest to the grocery store, he’s not even physically protected from the wrath of Danielle. Diana says she’s worried for him, but my guess is that she’s probably changing her number three seconds after Mohamed waves goodbye.

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Down in the Dominican Republic, Chantel is blown away by the new, swanky 3-bedroom apartment Lydia is renting (with Pedro’s money). Chantel’s family side-eyes the apartment, not to mention the many gifts – including a laptop – that Pedro starts unpacking from his suitcase for his mom and sister. “At this point, I’ve seen enough,” thinks Karen, who now wants to leave. But there will be no leaving before chicken feet are consumed!

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Part of the local traditional cuisine, chicken feet and neck are considered good eats in Pedro’s family, but Karen equates them with something akin to poison – or voodoo – or payback for not shoving that flatscreen into her carry-on. In any case, she’s not eating them. And she flatly rejects the plate laid out before her as if it’s some kind of insult to her refined sensibilities. “I don’t trust these people,” she thinks, next confronting Lydia about calling them all “stupid Americans.”

Pedro translates to Lydia that “the food has disrespected her,” which weirdly puts the blame for everyone’s hideous manners on innocent chicken parts. Lydia is like, WTF? She served them food that’s considered normal and delicious, so what’s the issue here?

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Pedro translates what the real issue is, and it has nothing to do with chicken. Karen felt disrespected by Lydia’s comments, but Lydia (and Pedro’s sister) felt that Chantel’s family was treating him suspiciously with the prenup ordeal. Karen doesn’t seem to accept their side of the story, suddenly announcing that she’s leaving! Hmm. Maybe if Pedro translated and apology from Chantel to everyone for lying about her intentions to marry Pedro for THREE MONTHS, both families would understand who, exactly, created this suspicion? Poor Pedro. He’s doesn’t need to be worried about chicken necks; he needs to be worried about the chicken sh*t he’s married to.

After Chantel’s family leaves, Pedro’s sister summarizes that this argument has been a long time coming. And – OMG! – they don’t even eat the chicken feet/necks either. Lydia and her daughter just giggle, “We don’t eat that.” So, perhaps there was some nefarious plan to make Chantel’s family choke it down as payback for making Pedro sign a prenup? Oh, the shade. It is THICK in here! Maybe Karen wasn’t completely off base with her voodoo suspicions after all – because Pedro’s family is not playing. Especially now that their flat screen TV dreams have been dashed.

Almost forgotten this episode, Russ and Paola once again grace our screens to give us an update on their employment status. Spoiler Alert! It is still nonexistent. When Paola drags Russ along to visit her shady modeling agent (who looks horrified to see Russ), they’re fed more lies about the agent being busy, Paola’s photos not being up to par, needing more sexiness from Paola, Paola’s user account not being current, and…blah blah blah. If Paola does not understand that she’s being sold a bill of junk goods at this point, then she’s an idiot.

After finding out that she hasn’t even been placed in the agent’s system yet, Paola suspects foul play, but agrees to take new “sexy photos” with her “new sexy hair color.” Russ stupidly agrees to give this loser agent another chance too, mainly because his own job prospects are more bleak than his wife’s. It’s all just too idiotic and depressing for words.

In a slightly less depressing scene elsewhere, Loren, Alexei, and Natasha spend their final night together eating a lovely dinner out. Natasha and Loren are happy they’ve grown closer on this visit, but finally confess the troubling facts they heard from the immigration lawyer. Alexei is heartbroken to hear his brother wouldn’t be able to come to the U.S. for so long, knowing his parents would refuse to come without him.

Back in LA, the sad-sack music plays while Jorge drives to meet his sister, Lourdes, for lunch. He tells her that he and Anfisa are on a “break” and that Anfisa is mean to him. Lourdes seems to know that Anfisa hits him too, and she’s scared for him. “I don’t know why, I felt like I was afraid of her,” lamely admits Jorge, who’s tragically become used to Anfisa’s abuse. Although he’s contemplated sending Anfisa home, he doesn’t want to “be the bad guy.” Lourdes thinks he’s basically been blinded by sex, not love, but Jorge claims he still loves his wife. Lourdes doesn’t have any illusions that this will be the end of their marriage, though. She does hope Jorge cuts off the money (what little of it there is) before Anfisa takes it all.

In full wedding prep mode, Chantel and Pedro try to get their families together again – this time for an excursion into the countryside, where Pedro grew up. Lydia and Karen vow to get new attitudes about making this melded family thing work, much to the relief of their children, and chickens everywhere.

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Because Danielle is still on the warpath, Mohamed is convinced his life is in danger. But, dang, he needs to stay alive another 48 hours! With their court date just days away, both Danielle and Mohamed have been busy compiling evidence against one another. Danielle is committed to proving how much of a new start she’s making, and how PROW-FESH-ON-AL she’s gonna look in that courtroom. So she goes dress shopping with her sister to get that new “I’m totally sane” look. Lots of luck, lady! Also, Danielle claims that Mohamed is harassing her on social media. It’s the battle of the crazies, people! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!! (Who will be left standing at the end of this horror show is anyone’s guess, but I put my money on Mohamed.)

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Because Russ hasn’t been tortured quite enough yet, he decides to accompany Paola to a meeting with the photographer who took Pao’s topless photos and will likely do her new “sexy” photo shoot. The photographer, Alan, brings along another couple, Michelle and Jimmy, who Paola calls her idols because they’re making a similar relationship work in this industry. (Like, the kind of relationship where no one works?) Michelle is a successful fitness model from Venezuela, and Jimmy apparently manages her career. So, these people essentially embody Paola’s #RelationshipGoals.

When Russ explains his hesitancy about Paola flashing her boobs on camera, Paola argues that it’s just a job! Plus, Jimmy’s okay with his wife getting nearly naked in photos, so what’s the big deal? Russ is like, um…this dude is from Europe. I’m from Oklahoma! But Jimmy thinks it’s about trusting your wife, and Russ doesn’t seem to trust his. (Nor should he.)

Five hours later in the van on their quest into the DR countryside, Pedro and Chantel’s families are probably ready to eat any part of the chicken. Except, upon arrival to Pedro’s grandmother’s house, Chantel’s family refuses to even exit the vehicle! Maybe it’s the cauldron being stirred outside in pitch blackness, or perhaps it’s the sound of cackling wafting up through the palm fronds. Whatever it is, Karen wants no part of it. She’s gonna keep her judgmental rear end inside the air conditioned vehicle, thank you very much.

Inside the van, Chantel’s family express their shock at how poor Pedro’s grandmother’s house appears, and how differently Pedro’s mom and sister are living now that Pedro is funding their lifestyle. They think he’s using their daughter, plain and simple, and when he’s done with her, he’ll save up enough money to come back to live the high life with his family. Whether this is actually true doesn’t matter; their perception is fixed solidly in their minds. And Chantel isn’t doing a whole lot to dissuade their theories. She doesn’t like the situation either.

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When Pedro comes to coax Chantel’s family out of the van, they ridiculously refuse to get out. Wow. Humiliated, Pedro tells his family that his American bride and her kin are hiding out in their vehicle. Then Chantel finally emerges to argue with him about money – because this is the appropriate time and place! She thinks Pedro prioritizes his mom and sister above his wife. But Pedro fights back, saying point blank, “You lie,” reminding Chantel that she’s got a new car. And he has a responsibility, in his culture, to take care of his mother for life. “I’m sorry! I cannot! I cannot!” Chantel huffs, getting up to leave. Well, I guess she’ll just have to go climb back in that van and rethink her life.

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As a stray dog stares down Chantel’s van-trapped family, Chantel and Pedro take their fight outside. She’s on her mom’s side now, even thinking that Lydia might have set Pedro up to lure her into marriage in order to get a green card, thereby pulling their entire family out of poverty. Um, that’s a stretch. But Chantel and Karen are convinced that Pedro is being used, as are they. So, they take their van back to the city, leaving Pedro behind to explain his in-laws’ dreadful behavior to his family.

“It seems like we’re finding out a lot of stuff now that we should have found out way before,” says Chantel’s freaked out dad on the ride home. Um, didn’t Chantel know where Pedro was from? Or anything about his culture, not to mention his immediate family? Chicken feet notwithstanding, there are just some cultural questions – and answers – that you’d think a couple would discuss before marriage. Even her dad questions how much sugar-coating Chantel did in her explanations of Pedro’s roots. That stray dog could probably communicate more information to Chantel’s family than she can.

Bottom line: These two lovebirds are way too young and immature to know which end is up in their own families, let alone each other’s. Pedro thinks he’s being pressured from both ends. Chantel’s family thinks they’re being conned. Only Lydia sums this garbage dump of a situation up with clarity (and a frightening dose of her very selfish reality): “We’re Dominicans,” she snipes, “Don’t f–k with us.”

So, let’s get that second wedding started! Should be smooth sailing ahead.

TELL US: IS PEDRO’S FAMILY USING HIM? IS PEDRO MORE LOYAL TO HIS MOM THAN CHANTEL? WAS CHANTEL’S FAMILY OUT OF LINE OR JUSTIFIED IN THEIR ACTIONS ON THIS TRIP? WILL MOHAMED GET HIS DIVORCE FROM DANIELLE? WILL JORGE AND ANFISA SPLIT FOR GOOD?

Photo Credit: TLC

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