This week on The Bachelor, the episode opened with the remaining women sitting on the couch feeling a little bit of PTSD from the night before. “Last night was a lot,” they agreed. They all looked exhausted. Genevie (why is her arm in a sling, by the way?) said in an interview, “Last night was crazy. A lot of emotions . . . but I do think that the vibe is a little bit lighter [today], and the girls are feeling more comfortable.” Don’t get too comfortable, ladies. I have a feeling Jesse Palmer is about to arrive and stir things up.
And there he was! Jesse walked in just in time to deliver the “good news, bad news” scenario. The bad news was that there would be no date today. But the good news was they were all going to The Bahamas! See? This is one of the reasons I stopped watching this show during the pandemic. It just wasn’t as much fun when they were locked in one place, in an old run-down motel and couldn’t travel.
Headed For Some Bahama Drama
The ladies checked into their beautiful suite in the Baha Mar Hotel. As the girls chanted, “Zach the snack” (gross), of course we were treated to another shirtless shot of Zach Shallcross. He was scrubbing up after his long flight from LA in an outdoor shower. I’m so not into the hairy chest. There’s this thing now called waxing, Zach? If the ladies have to do it, you should, too!
Meanwhile, the first date card arrived, and — surprise! — they all want the one-on-one. The lucky winner of the first date was Kat: “How deep is our love?” And of course, everyone screamed.
Kat immediately started bragging about how they’d have “so much private time because we’re gonna be in the water [which will be] very intimate.” At that exact moment the camera panned to four of the other women who were sitting across from her, giving her the Glare of Death. When will these women learn to keep their mouths shut? It’s called discretion, ladies. Look it up.
Greer actually started to sniffle and wipe away tears. She was upset because she had gotten the First Impression rose, but was disappointed that Zach didn’t seem to want to continue their relationship. She was sad that their “spark” was just like “a fire that burned out as quickly as it was ignited.” Be patient, sweetheart. It’s still early, and you can’t expect to get every date card.
The First One-On-One Date: Dad Jokes, Snorkeling And Kat Opens Up About Her “Untraditional Upbringing”
Zach and Kat walked down a pier in Nassau. Could they be headed for a boat, perhaps? Zach announced, “I’m just a Bahama papa, looking for his Bahama mama.” Cute. Kat called him on his “Dad joke,” but still giggled. I’m a sucker for a good Dad joke, too.
As they approached a gorgeous catamaran, Kat was beside herself about spending an entire day with Zach. She was especially excited about seeing him “shirtless the whole day! Whoo-hoo!” We’ve all seen him already, Kat. It’s just not that exciting.
After spending waaaaay too much time applying sunscreen to each other (but really, can you ever have enough SPF in the tropics?), Zach and Kat put on masks and snorkles and jumped into the crystal clear Caribbean. They swam above an underwater “garden” that contained lots of creepy statuary, while holding hands.
Meanwhile back at the hotel, the left behind ladies were
swimming in their private pool talking shit about why Kat got the one-on-one instead of one of them. They were all worried about not getting the necessary facetime with Zach. There was definitely some spiraling going on.
Zach and Kat sat on a beach talking about how this didn’t feel “like our first date.” Despite all the sunscreen, Zach’s face is a little flushed. Did you not see the instructions that said, “Apply after swimming,” Zach?
Kat talked about past relationships that had “started out really great, but fizzled early.”
She was happy that wasn’t going to be the case with Zach. Early days, honey. Early days.
Zach told Kat, “You make me giddy and nervous, and I enjoy it. And it’s been one of the best first dates ever.” The registered nurse was very pleased to hear that, and kissing ensued (tongue was evident). In voiceover, Kat said, “It feels like our fire just keeps building, and it doesn’t feel like the flame’s ever gonna go out.” Don’t jinx yourself, kid.
As the women at the hotel waited on the couch for the next date card to arrive, there was some discussion about how terrified and insecure they all are. Each woman was silently praying her name wouldn’t be on the card, so they could have the other one-on-one. The names on the card were: Aly, Kaity, Ariel, Davia, Genevie (where’s the sling?), Anastasia, Kylee, Mercedes, Charity, Gabi, Jess and Greer. The card read, “It’s time to turn up the heat.” Uh-oh. Cryptic.
That left Brooklyn to be the winner of the remaining one-on-one date. Some of the women congratulated her, even though they’re all spiraling again.
Back on their date, Zach and Kat walked to dinner. She looked very pretty a slinky, long red dress with a high slit and spaghetti straps. Zach looked somewhat overdressed for the tropics in a white shirt (no tie) and a sport coat. They sat down to have their serious discussion in a room filled with bamboo and tikis.
Kat worried in voiceover, “Because he comes from a very traditional background and I don’t . . . is he still gonna like me? Is he still gonna want to pursue me? That’s like, a fear of mine . . . that he’s gonna not want me because of it.” What? Did she grow up in the circus or something?
Kat explained to Zach, “My mom and I struggled in our relationship, and there was a point where I didn’t even live at home, because the relationship got so bad.” Because of her unstable upbringing, she continued, “I want that traditional family. I want to have what I didn’t have as a kid, and I want that husband that I stay with for the rest of my life, and don’t run when things get hard.” Awwww. I want that for you, too, Kat.
Zach loved that she was opening up and being honest with him, and told her, “You deserve someone that will love you for you.” Of course, after all the emotions and the tears, Zach offered Kat the rose, and she gladly accepted it.
Zach claims, “Kissing Kat, it’s like two meteors just perfectly colliding and creating a star.” Um, I don’t think that’s how science works, Zach. But I get his point. Zach is smitten. Cue the fireworks. Back in the ladies’ suite, someone exclaimed, “Dammit! She got fireworks,” as they all ran out to the balcony to watch.
The Group Date: Gabi Takes Her Shellfish Allergy To A Fish Fry
The next day, Zach greeted the women on the group date, more appropriately dressed in a tropical shirt. He told them today’s date would be more laid back than previous ones. “We’re gonna be eating good. We’re gonna be drinking,” and with that he invited them to come “check out the island.”
Steel drums! I love steel drums! It’s such a happy sound. They all danced on the beach to the happy music. Aly said in a voiceover, “It’s a ton of us  on this group date, so we all agreed to share time with Zach. I know where I stand. I feel like only people who are very confused with their relationship have to be so aggressive.” They all enjoyed some local delicacies (conch fritters!) and drank some fancy drinks and shots of what looked like maybe rum, since this is the Caribbean.
Most of what was being served was seafood (lobster, conch, etc.), and Gabi is allergic to shellfish, so she had to be very careful about what she could eat. She was afraid her necessary hesitancy to try the local food might be seen as standoffishness to Zach. So just tell him you have an allergy, Gabi! He certainly doesn’t want to endanger your health. Sadly, she admitted, “I literally can’t kiss Zach, because he had shellfish.” Poor girl. That sucks.
After seeing if Zach could toss a conch fritter into some of their mouths (another activity Gabi had to abstain from), they moved on to limbo. Anastasia walked up to take her turn and asked Zach, “A kiss for courage?” Jaws dropped at the nerve! Zach was smarter than I expected and offered her his cheek, while the other women seethed.
To make matters worse, Anastasia then asked Zach, “Can I steal you away?” Ani, you might as well have slapped a target on your back, girl. The other women watched with blossoming hate as Anastasia and Zach sat on the beach talking about their sweaty backs (so romantic).
Kylee decided she’d just go “steal” Zach for her alone time, just like Anastasia did. She walked over and interrupted their conversation, asking if she could have a moment with the Bachelor. Ani rebuffed her with, “Can we just have a couple more minutes?” Really? Anastasia is a piece of work.
They went back and forth about whether Kylee could have her time or if Anastasia would get “just one more minute.” Zach said NOTHING. Speak up and excuse yourself, man! It’s Kylee’s turn. But bless her heart, Kylee held her ground, “Stasi, babe, please just let me have him. I don’t want to fight.”
Finally Anastasia backed down, saying, “I’m definitely not going to fight you,” while smiling passive aggresively. Zach finally told Ani, “Ok, I’ll see you tonight then.” She answered, “Ok, hopefully.” Why didn’t he just excuse himself and avoid that whole issue? Did the producers tell him to just sit there silently and let the women argue over him? Not a good look, Zach.
After Zach walked away with Kylee, Anastasia did an indignant interview about how “unfair” it was. “I’ve pulled people and people have asked me to give them a couple more minutes,” she claimed, “and I have. I’ve been very respectful of that.” Really, babe? When did that happen?
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Next Anastasia went around telling everyone who would listen that Kylee had said she was going to “fight” her, when Kylee really meant she didn’t want to “fight [with] her.” Trying to create drama and turn everyone against Kylee, she said, “I felt like I was attacked, to be honest.” How is “Mr. No Drama” Zach going to feel about this?
A full moon hung in the sky, as the women and Zach made their way to the After Party on the beach. Zach was still wearing shorts and a tropical shirt, while the women were dressed to the nines in cocktail dresses and high heels. That must have been fun trying to walk on the sand in those fancy heels. One of the women said, “I’m two seconds away from ripping these babies off!”
Some of the women were hoping that the Anastasia of it all didn’t continue into the night. Can we consider that foreshadowing, because we know it surely will. While Zach was away having a one-on-one conversation, Anastasia brought up her confrontation with Kylee earlier, trying to stir up more drama and to “make a victim of herself.” Kylee clarified that she had meant “fight [with] you,” not “fight you,” but Ani insisted it was a “miscommunication.” Finally Kylee decided to say something to Zach, because you know if she doesn’t, Anastasia certainly will.
During her sitdown with Zach, Kylee explained to him that Anastasia had interpreted the words “fight you” as a threat of a “physical altercation.” But then Kylee started shoveling the real dirt. Apparently Charity had told Kylee that Anastasia was talking about “how many Instagram followers she’s going to get” from being on the show. Those words were the nail in the coffin for Ani (Kylee knew that), because Zach immediately said, “That freaks me the f*** out. That is something I don’t stand for.” He went on to tell Kylee that he was terrified of ending up with someone that was here “for the wrong reasons.” There it is. Let’s see if Anastasia can talk her way out of this. (I’m tired of having to type her long-ass name.)
After confirming Anastasia’s “here for the wrong reasons” intentions with Charity, Zach stalked back to where the rest of the group is sitting, apparently to pull Anastasia for a chat. This does not bode well for the content marketing manager.
Zach sat down with the 12 women on the date, saying, “I heard some stuff tonight. I don’t know what to assume yet, but there may be someone here for the wrong intention.” He then ominously added, “That being said, Anastasia, can you join me?”
When he sat down with Anastasia and told her what he’d heard, she claimed to have no idea where these accusations came from and denied everything. After taking a moment to clear his head, and squeeze in another makeout session with someone ABC failed to identify for me, Zach returned to the group. He awarded the group rose to Ariel (the woman from his recent makeout sesh).
As soon as Zach left, Anastasia burst into tears. Awwww, now I feel bad for her. As Ani sobbed, Kylee said in voiceover, “[Anastasia]’s so much more manipulative than I am, and it has me worried about what she’s going to come back and say. She’s gonna point the finger at me, so that might put my relationship [with Zach] in jeopardy. I’m really scared.”
The Second One-On-One Date: Brooklyn Tells Zach About Her Abusive Past
Brooklyn ran to Zach, who was waiting for her, and did the classic jump-and-mount thing they all do now. When did this become a thing? I have never in my life done that to anyone I was dating.
After asking Brooklyn if she’d like to go explore the island, they walked around some shrubbery to find two ATVs waiting for them. This outdoor activity was right up Brooklyn’s alley, as she’s a rodeo racer who “runs barrels” and ropes stuff (she didn’t specify what). She said, “I’m covered in mud every single day of my life, except . . . sometimes it’s not just mud.” Nice.
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Meanwhile back at the private pool, the ladies were rehashing the events of the previous night. Kylee was sh*t-talking Anastasia on one side of the pool, while Anastasia was doing the same on the other side about Kylee.
Zach and Brooklyn arrived at the beach, where they sat down in the sand to
talk kiss. When Zach told her she was a “good kisser” (he tells everyone that), she said, “Right back at ya,” and gave him a fist bump. Zach thought that was odd (so did I), “The knucks after a kiss. Oof,” he commented. She assured him it was “a good thing.” So they moved the makeout to the water. Zach narrated, “There’s something real here. I’m hopeful for tonight.”
After the commercial, we were warned by the disclaimer, “The following segment contains material about domestic violence. Viewer discretion is advised.” That’s ominous.
As night fell in the tropical paradise, Zach and Brooklyn walked to their dinner table in the sand. In an interview, Brooklyn said, “Zach is such a great guy. I can fully see myself falling in love with him. So tonight, I want him to know, like, who I am and how I got to be that way.” Though she was feeling cautious about opening old wounds, she felt she needed to trust Zach and open up about her past.
Brooklyn began telling Zach how she always wanted to be in a relationship like her grandparents had. She never wanted to be with anyone like her dad, but she ended up with someone just like him. She had been with someone who was so emotionally abusive that eventually she didn’t speak.
“It got to a point where it got physical,” Brooklyn said with a catch in her voice. “So for six whole years, I was not myself.” She claimed to have just woken up one day and decided to leave, that if she hadn’t left, “I would literally not be sitting here right now.” She added that she just had to dig deep and find the strength to leave the relationship, and she never looked back.
Zach also got emotional when he told Brooklyn how much he admired her strength. He respected what she’d been through, while not being able to imagine how much she’d suffered. “You are so f***ing tough,” he told her. “It makes me sick to my stomach that you had to go through something like that.”
Brooklyn went on to add in an interview that she literally was woken up by the police one night, because she had been “knocked out.” She added, “I definitely think Zach is amazing for being receptive to that and for making me feel comfortable.”
“I’ve never had a reciprocated love,” she told Zach, “and I’m ready to find the love that I gave to someone who didn’t deserve it, [and] feel that love back.”
In an interview, Zach called Brooklyn a “badass.” He said, “Brooklyn should absolutely be proud of herself. What she was put through, like, no human should ever be treated that way. Seeing her now, like, how brave she is and how confident she is as a woman, and the sweetness and the compassion and the kindness that just exudes from her . . . I’m absolutely blown away,” Zach added.
So, of course he gave her the rose and she accepted it.
The Rose Ceremony: So Much Crying
As the Rose Ceremony approached, everyone was feeling nervous, especially after the drama that came out at the group date. Zach strolled casually through the door, looking very chic in a light gray suit. The ladies all but drooled. Zach started out by complimenting them on how much “bravery and vulnerability” he saw during the past week. He claimed, “For better or for worse, I learned a lot.” After saying, “I’m following my heart and [my] gut in this,” he asked Anastasia if he could talk to her. Dun-dun-DUN.
Anastasia plead her case, saying her honesty and integrity are “everything” to her, and she insisted that she was truly here for the “right reasons.” Zach said he can’t discredit the women who gave him the “damning information” about her. Next thing we knew, he was escorting her down the stairs, past the other women, as she mouthed, “Bye, guys!” Zach very brusquely told Anastasia, “It’s been nice getting to know you,” as he gave her a stiff hug and helped her into a waiting limo.
In the meantime, Kylee claimed to be so upset about being responsible for someone going home. In reality she was worried about becoming “collateral damage.” Ariel gave a pretty self-righteous speech about this not being “the time or the place to be talking about social media” and how many followers you could have after the show. “We should be focused on Zach.”
Well, apparently Zach wasn’t holding any grudge against Charity for being a part of the Anastasia drama, because when he asked to talk to her, he almost immediately started kissing her. After she warmed him up with some words of flattery, that is.
While Kylee anticipated having time with Zach and what she planned to say to him, host Jesse suddenly appeared with the clinking champagne glass of finality (guess what time it is!). He dashed the hopes of all those women who still hadn’t had their time with Zach, as he announced the end of the cocktail party and the start of the Rose Ceremony.
Kylee went into full freakout mode. After telling the others that they were “moving on without her” and that she couldn’t physically stand up in the Rose Ceremoney and not hear her name called, she said, “I have to go home . . . This is literally the story of my life . . . I cannot take it.”
The ladies lined up, and Zach entered the room. The women who received roses and would continue on were: Charity, Kaity, Gabi, Jess, Mercedes, Aly, Greer. The Final Rose went to Kylee. She looked genuinely shocked that her name was called. I still think her days are numbered. After her major meltdown this evening, I’m thinking she’s not nearly mature enough yet for a serious relationship.
Genevie and Davia were the sad recipients of a plane ride home (say hello to Anastasia). Jesse gave them the usual instruction, “Please take a moment and say your goodbyes.” Jesse’s got a sweet job. He just spent a week in the Bahamas and only had to show up twice during the whole episode. I’m guessing Jesse was playing a whole lot of golf that week.
After raising a glass to the women who are still left on his journey, Zach declared, “We’re going to a place where I’ve always dreamed of going. Ladies, we’re going to London!” And they all screamed.
TELL US – DID YOU FEEL ZACH WAS JUSTIFIED SENDING ANASTASIA HOME? DO YOU REALLY THINK KYLEE TOLD HIM ABOUT ANASTASIA BECAUSE IT WAS IN ZACH’S BEST INTEREST? OR DO YOU THINK KYLEE JUST WANTED TO GET BACK AT ANASTASIA FOR THE “JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES” FIGHT?
[Photo Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC via Getty Images]