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Recaps

Captain Lee reacts to Ashton going overboard

On last night’s Below Deck the crew dealt with a shocking realization. Ashton Pienaar’s fall overboard wasn’t just a dramatic television moment, but that he could’ve lost his life!

Ashton went off the back of the swim platform after stepping into a tow line which wrapped around his ankle. It was exactly like a movie, but this was actual reality and Bravo editing magic had nothing to do with the events! As Captain Lee Rosbach explained while choking up, Ashton was “within 30 seconds” of losing his life, or at the very least his foot!

The most surprising revelation, however, was that Ashton owes his life (and the continuation of his defined tricep muscles) to the rapid reaction of a Below Deck cameraman named Brent. He literally threw down his camera, raced to the side of the boat, and untangled the lines to give Ashton more time, which set him free to swim to the tender to wait until they were in safer water to bring him in! Maybe Brent should be bosun. Something tells me Rhylee Gerber wouldn’t be talking to him with a nasty attitude! 

Tyler-at-dinner

On this week’s episode of Teen Mom OG, we learn more about Catelynn Baltierra’s true feelings regarding the trial separation from Tyler Baltierra. In previous episodes, they tried to make us believe that this separation was no big deal and they both were in agreement. Last night, we learn that this need for a separation may be one-sided. I don’t think any viewers were shocked by this revelation. Maybe it was only Catelynn who was fooling herself!

Catelynn feels like Tyler has been very distant lately. She is now 15 weeks pregnant and their relationship issues are hitting a peak.  It’s clear that she is not as excited about this pregnancy due to all of the additional stress from other issues in her life.  During a conversation with Tyler, Catelynn tries to update him about her latest doctor’s appointment. You can tell she is down because she tells him she remembers when he wouldn’t miss an appointment. It is evident that times have changed. Tyler seems to be more concerned with the house and his move-in date.

James Kennedy

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules we learned that James Kennedy was a very busy boy at Coachella. He managed to ruin his friendship with Lala Kent and cheat on his girlfriend while she was passed out in the next room. Where have we heard that before!?

This is obviously going to be the season of James. So far, he’s the only thing anyone seems to be talking about. So he’s probably correct that everyone is obsessed with him. Congratulations on achieving your ultimate goal, White Kanye!

Only in the SURallel universe that is Vanderpump Rules would your ex-girlfriend, who you cheated on, be orchestrating your surprise engagement party with the girlfriend, now fiance, whom you also cheated on. But here we all are and Lisa Vanderpump is the guest of honor, instead of Britnax’d.

Lisa probably wandered into Jax Taylor‘s apartment and marveled that her own bathroom is bigger than the entire place. Then she decided the ring he gave Brittany Cartwright is obviously cubic zirconium from the Alexis Couture Jesus Barbie Bling Collection sold by Gretchen Christine Bootay. Because no one would spend $70k on a ring while living in a place that has parquet floors. Quelle Whorreur!

Shannon and Tamra face off on RHOC reunion

Last night was part three of the Real Housewives Of Orange County reunion. Which means this bizarre season is finally over. Part 3 was all about Shannon Beador, as pretty much every part of everything is. As Shannon said, “I’m sorry for being me me me me me!”

Is Shannon crazy? Is Shannon an emotional wreck? Are the voices in Shannon’s head actually Tamra Judge reading a script from David Beador‘s iPhone on how to manipulate and condescend Shannon into a meltdown? #yes

But first a Kelly Dodd montage! Kelly is dating, dating, dating and ignoring Jolie who Michael Dodd is dating. But Vicki Gunvalson isn’t! Obviously, she is very invested in what is going on in Michael’s life.

Porsha Williams & Dennis McKinley

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, the boobs were out on full display and bringing plenty of surprises with them! Mostly it was Porsha Williams pulling rabbits and silk scarves and all sorts of tricks out of her bra. Dennis McKinley had one hell of a memorable birthday!

Noelle Robinson is about to leave for Howard University to study dentistry. Since Cynthia Bailey has never even played a college kid on TV, she has no idea what to expect. Like should she teach Noelle about how to handle her liquor now, before she leaves to school by giving her brunch cocktails? Should she cut Noelle’s food, and open her juice boxes, and make sure she’s buckled into her car seat? Should she go to college too and live in the apartments next to the dorm? Or IN the dorm?! Can Mike Hill stay over in said dorm? So many worries!

90 Day Fiance Recap: No Way Out

Last night, we witnessed a new low, even for 90 Day Fiance. And it came to us in the form of Leida, who traveled all the way to Wisconsin from Indonesia just so Twitter could unify in their unbridled hatred of her. Yup, we truly have a common enemy now! And she may have an equal counterpart in her sweaty fiance, Eric. They are officially THE WORST.  

Before we get to the big drama of that duo – and the insanity going on in Coltee’s house of horrors – let’s check in with our less stabby couples. In Utah, Kolini leaves and takes her giant bag of negative bullsh*t with her. Kalani talks to Asuelu about their future. Do they have one? She thinks Asuelu needs to communicate better, but Asuelu feels like he’s constantly under attack. He’s not wrong about that. In tears, he tells Kalani that he wants to be close to her, but feels rejected.

Love After Lockup Recap: The Virgin & The Trick

We asked, we believed, and we received. Love After Lockup is back with a new cast (and some familiar faces) for another season of love, prison-style. YES!!! From the producers who gave us 90 Day Fiance, Sharp Entertainment is bringing us a classic story of true romance: Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy proposes to girl. Only one minor issue: Boy (or in some cases, girl) is incarcerated in the United States prison system.

If you enjoy hearing lines like, “I was cruising the internet one night and I stumbled across pictures of [prisoner’s name] on meetaninmate.com” as the introductory sentence to an epic love story, then this is the show for you. Our couples this season include two holdovers from Love After Lockup Season One – Scott & Lizzie and Angela & Tony – plus four new couples hoping to make it work on the “outside.” Let’s review who’s been pierced with Cupid’s homemade shiv this year.

Married to Medicine Recap: Bottled Up Emotions

On this week’s episode of Married to Medicine, an outing ends in tragedy when Mariah Huq receives some unexpected news about her husband, Aydin Huq.  An angry exchange ensues when one of the ladies accuses one of the husbands of being a liar. At this point, I don’t think it’s possible for this whole group to get together without an issue. Trust me I am not complaining. Like most viewers, I am front and center to tune in for someone else drama.

Cecil Whitmore and Simone Whitmore go out for a date night at a restaurant. They both acknowledge that they are doing a lot better in their marriage since last year. Simone asks Cecil to never put her in a situation again where she has to file for divorce. She then goes from 0 to 100. She started shouting about how much he hurt her, not allowing him to get in a word of a rebuttal. She is still angry about how his friendship with his ex-best friend Tammy, made her feel in their marriage. Cecil is completely caught off guard as she grabs her purse and storms out of the restaurant.