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Recaps

Chandler Brooks

Well that didn’t take long, did it? Before Below Deck‘s first charter even ended there’s already major drama between Chandler Brooks and lowest deckhand on the totem pole, Rhylee Gerber.

You could’ve spotted Ryhlee riding the crazy train from a mile away; tooting her horn and waving a flag that reads “SS ATTENTION WHORES.” It’s always the ones who go overboard trying to prove they’re normal that cause the most mess! Of course, Chandler isn’t doing himself any favors trying to run this boat like his name is Captain Lee Rosbach when he’s merely a bosun and his second in command Ross Inia is basically doing all the work.

Chandler’s little lips are so pinched they’re the tightest burrito Chipotle ever rolled and any Real Housewife worth her margarita salt would warn him about the wrinkles this will cause. As it stands Chandler and Rhylee are on two opposite ends of the reality TV spectrum and need to stop playing tug-a-war before it becomes an all-out war. Oh, wait… too late!

Teen Mom OG Recap - Catelynn Lowell Baltierra

From the preview, the second episode of Teen Mom OG isn’t going to disappoint in the drama department. Catelynn Lowell is finally coming home from rehab. Yay!!!! Gone are the days of face-time-only communication and hidden bitterness. I wonder if she will be able to sense any of the tension that was revealed on the premiere episode. Or will Tyler Baltierra be so happy he no longer has to take care of everything on his own, that all will be forgiven? I don’t know, but I can’t wait to find out! Let me grab a glass of wine and my remote and tune in to someone else’s drama life.

Gina cries over getting divorced

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County the seeds of an impending feud were planted as newbies Gina Kirschenheiter and Emily Simpson complained that Shannon Beador doesn’t want to be their friend. And just in time for a cast trip to Jamaica. Jamaican Me Crazy, surely!

The thing is this is the type of drama that only happens in the alternate reality of reality TV. In the real world if your disparate friends don’t really like each other you’d just hang out with them separately. After all, it’s not like we’re permanently stuck in high school – or Bravoland – together and forced to interact. But in reality TV land three people who have zilch in common must pretend to be part of an established friend group who is now having problems.

The problem here is that Shannon, as she said, is 20 years older than Gina, and they just don’t have a lot in common other than knowing Tamra Judge (and probably secretly hating her) and getting divorced. Except Gina’s divorce is the Unikitty version of a split. It is sparkly blue eyeshadow that leaks tiny droplets of glitter when you cry, and it is platinum fingernails to replace your platinum ring, and it is repurposing all the expensive bikinis you bought for a couples trip by just wearing them on a girl’s trip.

90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days Recap: Goodbye For Now

Saturday night, I witnessed Bradley Cooper shine in A Star Is Born, but last night I truly witnessed the best actor in a lead dramatic role when Ricky pretended he was something other than a world class scumbag. Ah, 90 Day Fiance Before The 90 Days, what are we gonna do without ya? Season two has been a rare gift of carefully curated dysfunction, the likes of which we may never see again – until regular 90 Day Fiance (season 6) starts up in two weeks. YAY!

Before we get to Ricky’s hot mess, a hop across the pond is in order. Rachel, Jon, and Lucy are playing “happy family” at their cottage rental as Rachel silently seethes over girlfriends of Jon’s past. It seems she’s moved past her fears (for now) because it’s time to pick out wedding bands. And apparently, it’s also time to tell the unwitting jeweler, “We met on a karaoke app!” It’s also time for Jon to tell Rachel that he doesn’t want to wear a wedding ring! Umm, WHAT?

D'Andra Simmons

This season of Real Housewives Of Dallas has turned D’Andra Simmons into a ball of palpable vibrating ragemotions bursting open at the seems. Instead of hard night good morning, it’s become hard night bad day, and the stress of dealing with Mama Dee, plus financial strain has turned D’Andra into the type of woman who wears an ugly hat to hide her ugly intentions while sitting on a park bench accusing her best friend’s fiance of cheating. To quote Kameron Westcott in any and all situations, “Girl, what are you doing, girl?”

And what is D’Andra Simmons doing!? I mean, first of all, who would wear a fashion accessory that literally manifests your shady behavior? And what purpose does it serve to ruin LeeAnne Lockens happiness by accusing Rich of cheating (which I do not even believe)? Now I am not one to defend LeeAnne – ever – but D’Andra, that hat is the least of your problems!

Survivor: David vs. Goliath Episode 2 Recap: Information Is The Advantage

They’ve weathered the storm (quite literally), but for the second straight week, the victim on Survivor: David vs. Goliath never saw it coming.

As I do at the beginning of every Recap, please heed the following: Remember that this recap assumes that you have already seen this week’s Episode 2 of Survivor: David vs. Goliath, so if you have not and don’t want to be spoiled, please come back later! It’s important to add too that while we WILL hit on all of the important developments of the episode, this is not a linear “blow-by-blow” recap, and is more of a discussion and reaction of what we just witnessed together.

CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR MORE, AND THIS IS YOUR LAST *SPOILER* WARNING!

Below Deck Season 5 Premiere

Do my eyes deceive me? What of my ears?! Is it possible that Below Deck is filled with competent individuals who actually know what they’re doing in? Ahoy new maties, but I know y’all are not just professional yachties but professional drama-starters too.

After the devastation in the Caribbean Captain Lee Rosbach is anxious to explore the uncharted territory of Tahiti. Captain Lee fancies himself a regular-old Ponce de Leonce, explorer of a vast new world. Joining him to conquer the alcoholics of the high seas, is his intrepid first mate Kate “Champagne Is My Personal Jesus” Chastain.

Bristol Palin in car

Sooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!! Teen Mom OG is back and this season looks like it will be loaded with drama and twists and turns. The show will definitely be interesting given the absence of Farrah Abram, who was never lacking in the crazy drama department. This season we have two new Moms, Bristol Palin and Cheyenne Floyd and I find both picks to be very interesting for different reasons.

First, Bristol is no stranger to being in the public eye, given her stint on reality TV and her mother Sarah Palin’s political affiliations. Apparently a lot of people were surprised about MTV’s choice, including cast mate Tyler Baltierra, who called it “weird”. Cheyenne is also an interesting choice because she is not actually a “teen” mom; she had her baby in her 20’s with a fellow co-star, Cory Wharton. But I think both have real stories to tell and it will be fascinating learning more about them along with the other cast mates we have grown to love or hate over the years.