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Recaps

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Cynthia Bailey Kenya Moore

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta should’ve won an award for worst relationships in a reality TV format. From Kenya Moore berating Tanya Sam and calling her the “C word” (over a wig!), to Mama Joyce deciding she’d rather trust an infant with her affairs than her son-in-law if Kandi Burruss dies, to Cynthia Bailey‘s finance admitting in front of his teenaged daughter that he never loved her mother… It just went on and on. The only person who escaped unscathed was Eva Marcille. But, she’s pregnant so that’s more than enough to deal with!

It’s been so long since Real Housewives Of Atlanta has aired that I legitimately forgot about Kenya fighting with Tanya over a wig reveal. This started when Kenya intimated that Tanya’s fiancé was cheating with some woman who owns a cookie shop in the same building as Cynthia’s new wine cellar.

To refresh: in Toronto, Kenya spent an entire dinner beating around the bush that somebody’s man was cheating, and even pointblank asked Tanya if she’d want to know if her fiance cheated. Of course, Kenya never gave any details about who she was referring to, but Cynthia and Kandi knew it was in reference to cookie lady claiming Paul Judge hit on her at a bar one night.

90 Day Fiancé Recap: Can I Get A Witness

Last night’s episode of 90 Day Fiance wrapped up some loose ends and then unraveled a few others. I still have so many more questions. I can’t wait until the Tell All to fill in some of the missing pieces. Only time will tell if some of these couples have made the biggest mistakes of their lives. I told many of them to RUN, did anyone take my advice?

Several of the couples are out of time and must decide if they want to bite the bullet and get married. Angela Deem and Michael Ilesanmi have another setback. Mike‘s call to Natalie leaves some unanswered questions. Michael Jessen talks to his ex-wife, Sarah, about his prenup decision. Let’s get straight into the 90 Day Fiance recap!

Tracie Wagaman Life After Lockup

I was SOOOOO sick last week. FULL DYING. My sincerest apologies for not giving you a Life After Lockup recap. However, this week we are back, and the show is just as good as ever. The drama! Michael Simmons is talking to so many women, I don’t know how he can keep it straight. Sarah Simmons and Megan J are far from the only women in his revolving door of trysts. In addition to them, for SOME reason Angela keeps taking back Tony. Ugh. Just stop.

Brittany Santiago has been through the ringer with her mother, and the stress is high. She and Marcelino Santiago are having a baby, but her past might be a bump in the road. The biggest WTF out of this group right now is Andrea Edwards and Lamar Jackson’s marriage. They aren’t happy at all. They have nothing in common. Why are they still a thing? I have a feeling her trying to convert him isn’t going to go well at all.

Married At First Sight Recap- In Seasickness And In Health

Last night’s episode of Married At First Sight put a lot of things into perspective.  Everything that glitters isn’t gold and first impressions may not be lasting impressions. Just when you thought you knew what direction things were going, a twist appears. I was left in shock, horror and embarrassed for some of the cast.

Three pairs of newlyweds make the most of their honeymoon, while two couples aren’t the picture of happiness. One couple attempts to heal their fractured marriage.  Despite sunny skies, there are rough seas ahead for a couple of these stranger spouses. Let’s get straight to the recap!

Jennifer Aydin Real Housewives Of New Jersey

HOW COULD TERESA GIUDICE LEAVE HER WALLET AT HOME? All these girls want to do is see their father Joe Giudice, and now it’s not looking possible. The Real Housewives of New Jersey is always a little dark, but that is awful. All their daughters talk about is how much they miss their father. I almost had a heart attack watching last week’s episode when she realized she was missing the required identification.

A big question mark heading into this episode is Jennifer Aydin. She’s feuding with half of the group, and it gets worse by the episode. Her outspoken and over the top antics are not well received by the other women. Only time will tell if she can get back on the good side of the women who are allegedly her friends. You have to give it to her though. She brings the drama more than most of the group, and that cannot be taken away.

Kristen Doute Vanderpump Rules

When Vanderpump Rules first catapulted into the Bravo lexicon the appeal was that was its off the cuff and unpredictable cast members whose earnestly dysfunctional relationships anchored the show, and served as a highlight to all the other nonsense.

There was a magic in its untested authenticity that was like the early seasons of Real World or Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Before these people realized they were going to become a phenomenon just for showing up. But alas it is now not the case. Lisa Vanderpump has now assumed the role of part Svengali/part David Copperfield; trying to make magic out of thin air and airheads.

It’s not working.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Welcome to Below Deck Sailing Yacht where there is the same drama, but in even more confined and awkward spaces! Also now accompanied by fun Pirates of the Caribbean music and some very weird super quick, out of focus camera zooms. Well this should be fun. Naut!

We are however switching from Thailand and motor yacht Valor, to Greece and Parsifal III, a motor sailing yacht where for the past 9 months Captain Glenn Shephard has been living in an awkward a-sexual menage a trois with couple Paget Berry and Ciara Duggan, awaiting the start of charter season.

One of the differences between motor yachts (like Valor from regular Below Deck) and sailing yachts seems to be that the captain and a skeleton crew always remain on board to keep the boat in shape, even when they aren’t in season.

Kate Chastain Below Deck

Without a doubt the unofficial theme of this season’s Below Deck was dicks. Being one, not being one, swinging one around, serving one on a platter, eating one, flashing one… And in the case of Kevin Dobson ALL OF THE ABOVE. Good for you Chef, way to make an impression!

Staying on theme it all started with a big ol’ cock, made of cake, that went over like failed viagra on a Tinder hook-up. As Kevin walked his penile accomplishment out to a room full of women talking about the subtleties of aging and the various phases of life, he reminded me of a toddler who peed in the potty for the first time, but announced it to the check-out lady at Target. Needless to say no one was impressed, and he’d probably have gotten the same reception from his future in-laws as he did from the charter guests and Captain Lee Rosbach