On last night’s Real Houseiwves Of Orange County we were all shocked when Kelly Dodd flipped her gender-bending shit and called Meghan Edmonds a bad mom because of her shit-stirring. I mean, talk dirty to me indeed, right?!
This is frustrating because Kelly is in the right about Meghan’s behavior but, as always, Kelly’s delivery and her viciousness get the better of her!
The whole thing started off so promisingly – in a baby store. Amid queries about sleigh cribs or modern cages, Kelly joked with Meghan that perhaps she’s “a lesbo” after a drunken kiss with Shannon Beador. Kelly and Meghan guffaw like Kelly ‘s kiss with Shannon is so trendy and cool, instead of waving from the caboose on Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” train. More prescient is how quickly Kelly and Shannon moved from mortal enemies to K-I-S-S-ING. First comes hate, then comes love, then comes Meghan in the middle!
A leprechaun on Real Housewives of Orange County finds no luck at the end of his rainbow. Instead he finds Shannon Beador‘s awful green sequined shirt and equally awful marriage, or Vicki Gunvalson seeing green that friendship insurance doesn’t exist, and Tamra Judge‘s judgement!
Tamra is reeling from her ‘argument’ with Peggy Sulahian, because Tamra feels ‘attacked’ by Peggy. This attacking consisted of Peggy sticking her resting bitch face (or is that just Botox overdose?) into Tamra’s issues with Vicki and suggesting, that perhaps, just perhaps, Tamra should practice what she preaches and move on. In response Tamra decided Peggy could never be her friend. #Adulting
-A-BITCH Fitness (propel your rage into Booty By Bible!), Tamra is training for a Spartan Race. While wearing a Charo ponytail that is just so naturally how her hair looks, she complains that Peggy is a judgmental bitch who doesn’t understand her deep and meaningful non-relationship with Vicki. Peggy apparently does understand Tamra’s BS, though!
I made sure to wear my eclipse safety glasses while staring at the California sun, so I wouldn’t damage my eyes and miss seeing the drama on last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County. It’s a good thing too, because Kelly Dodd was wearing scrunchies on her wrists!
Last night was certainly a Me! Me! Me! episode – aren’t they all? – but this one was especially bad! It started with Vicki Gunvlason announcing that Briana’s uterus and Mike’s sperm belong to her! Cause Coto Insurance needs more worker bees to take over the family hive.
Aka, Vicki needs more grandchildren. NOW! NOW! NOW! Her sage advice to Mike is “date to mate,” as in he should only be sleeping with women he plans to reproduce with. Not before they sign a baby-nup, right?! I have a feeling Mike has listened to “Gold Digger” many-a-times and ain’t gonna get stuck with no 18 years. Either that or no woman wants to get stuck with Vicki for the next 18 years!
Shannon Beador is on a rampage and she is savagely ripping the meat from the bones of Real Housewives Of Orange County. Any housewife who dares try to get in Shannon’s way better come prepared with white gloves to treat her fragile ego, and proper cutlery to carve though the drama. Shannon has bared her soul, her heart, and now her midriff on this show and she has worked too hard recapturing David to watch it all get flushed down the toilet sitting in her relationship corner, dammit!
And yes, there’s a toilet in Shannon’s relationship corner according to her Feng Shui expert! I think that’s Vicki Gunvalson‘s fault though. After all, Vicki put Shannon’s relationship in the crapper with her lies about David. Now all Shannon’s relationships are draining away (even the relationships she hasn’t formed yet). Shannon’s relationship with vodka seems in tact, though.
Washing up on the shores of the California beaches, amid the shells and driftwood, is the rubble of last season’s Real Housewives Of Orange County. Littering the sands with shards of shattered friendships, filthy accusations, and broken down dignities; a bent halo, some empty vodka and champs bottles, and Shannon Beador‘s former self, now soaked and waterlogged by the hours of tears she’s spilled over the terrible lies Vicki Gunvalson told. The fate of the world, and the Orange County coastline — along with the safety and health of Briana’s children – all rests in Vicki’s handbag! Thankfully she’s not crazy or anything…
So the taglines: let’s start there. What makes Tamra Judge “highly prized”? Or was she just proud of herself for coming up with a rhyme. Hook’d on Phonics worked for her! Vicki’s tagline informs us that she’s not going home, but what she means is that this show is her home, and you are not going to drop any interloping houses on her head! She clicked her ruby slippers together three times and dragged Briana from the land of tornadoes to get here.
WOO HOO! Real Housewives Of Orange County returns next week and I am peeing my pants Vicki Gunvalson-style with excitement. And as a little sneak peak of what’s to come, Bravo revealed the season 12 taglines for the enormous cast of ladies!
Tamra Judge, who as you know has snatched Alexis Bellino‘s
fake halo crown to re-brand herself as Jesus Barbie, of course makes reference to how blessed she is, and Shannon Beador continues to spew some some lemon-filled karma tidbits. You can read the taglines below.
A new week means a new gallery of the reality TV stars showing off, throwing shade, and/or sharing selfies on Twitter and Instagram. Obviously, NeNe Leakes falls under the showing off category, “So many of you wanted to know about my fabulous classy nite wear (I even got text messages about it). This piece is by none other than my @HSN sister @rhondashear. #myhome #mylife #lifeoftheleakes” Look below for Bethenny Frankel giving zero f-cks, an unofficial Real Housewives of Miami reunion, David and Shannon Beador at the USC game, Kenya Moore trying to look sexy, new Bachelor Nick Viall on the set of Bachelor in Paradise, and more.
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