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Randall Emmett

Tom Sandoval & Tom Schwartz Predict Stassi Schroeder Is Next To Get Engaged

My guess is when you guys think about “true love”, no one from Vanderpump Rules comes to mind. Perhaps visions of Mike and Carol Brady fill your head or Princess Leia and Han Solo… But I’m definitely not picturing Tom Schwartz getting the verbal beat down from owner wife, Katie Maloney. Visions of Tom Sandoval and glorified roommate Ariana Madix certainly don’t fit. Shall we talk about marriage-bound Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright? No, we better skip them too. Oh, hang on a second, we cannot forget Lala Kent and Randall Emmett. Those two are the epitome of what a REAL relationship looks like. I think we can all agree that Lala would 1,000% be with Rand if he weren’t rich and a Hollywood producer. Because Lala typically goes for men with 19 chins and children from previous relationships. #sorrynotsorry

So who will be next to put a ring on it and start heading down the aisle of permanent togetherness? Even though, Tom 1 and Tom 2  are historically the happiest couple on the show… The Toms do have an idea, but if you ask me it’s more the result of what cast members are left over. Ain’t nobody thinking someone will marry Kristen Doute, like ever. So Stassi, you’re up girlfriend.

Vanderpump Rules

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was the prequel to the season finale, which means the bulk of the episode was spent finally FINALLY giving Scheana Marie some attention and something to do besides machine gun laughing at her own jokes. Of course Scheana wasted all this prime real estate on Marina del Rey whining about Adam Spott and going on a fake date to make him jealous which obviously backfired like a rusty pickup in a PCH traffic jam!

The other half of the episode was dedicated to Brittany Cartwright‘s family visiting from Kentucky for wedding dress shopping and giving Jax Taylor the third degree. If Jax gets out of this marriage alive he’s leaving with a rat tail, less than half of his savings, and a ripped plaid shirt wrapped around a cold beer can that he’s holding to his temple. Don’t fuck with no redneck daddies! (I’m from West Virginia so I know full well how this goes!)

Lala Kent

In the column of things I never thought I would say, Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent’s biological clock is ticking.  And she wants to be a mom sooner rather than later.

Is she sure that’s not just her internal rage ticking away?  Waiting for the moment when someone makes a statement that has her flying off the handle at work.

Vanderpump-Rules-Lala-Kent

Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent has been turned up to eleven all season long. You’d think she would be happy now that she’s an honorary member of the Witches of WeHo. But instead, she’s had one meltdown after the other. And her wrath has been targeted at her former best friend, James Kennedy.

Lala and James used to be inseparable. They genuinely supported each other in their friendship and artistic endeavors. James even kickstarted Lala’s non-existent career as a singer. But times have changed. Now Lala has a non-existent career as an actress. Just don’t say her fiancé Randall Emmett got her there. So, does Lala still support James and his career?

Stassi Schroeder - Vaderpump Rules

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was all about redemption. In a Hollywood kinda way.

Stassi Schroeder is in peril. After years of having bad boyfriends and being able to blame, project and justify her own bad behavior as their fault for having worse behavior, she is now dating the man of her dreams and needs a bad girlfriend detox. Enter Beau Clark: someone who does everything Stassi demands of him, entertains her endlessly, cedes to her tantrums, and accepts that even when Stassi is wearing a mini skirt, she wears the pants. Basically she’s a queen dating the court jester.

But winter is coming and that winter is Stassi’s demand for unwavering sycophancy and the lashing of her evil tongue when Beau doesn’t capitulate. Last time it ended in eczema and tears, but what if someday Beau decides he can no longer take being a battered boyfriend, aka the future subject of a Lifetime Movie?

Raquel Leviss

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was one of the most boring and utterly pointless (re: contrived) episodes we’ve seen in a long time. Clearly this season is running out of steam if the major happenings are Raquel Leviss trying – and failing – to invite people to a “Puppy Shower” for her dog, or Lala Kent having a low-grade panic attack after too many edibles drinks in Mexico.

Like really, how many times can we watch Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark have the same whiny crying fight with their puffy hung-over faces and snotty tears? UGH. How many times can we watch Katie Maloney make fun of Tom 2‘s dick. I mean, we get it – sometimes it’s invisible, other times hidden behind a mini bag of Lays Potato Chips. And honestly how many times can we watch James Kennedy grovel for acceptance and forgiveness? James let your self-esteem be like Tom 2’s peen – a grower, not a show-er.

Lala Kent

The Vanderpump Rules cast made it clear that their end goal was to become washed up reality TV stars famous actors. So far, the closest anyone got was when Laura Leigh scored a bit part in We’re The Millers with Jennifer Aniston. And that was six years ago.

Now, Lala Kent is the next Pump Rules castmate to break through to the big screen. She recently landed a role in a movie with Al Pacino. Guess Al really needed that check. And Lala wants everyone to know that she earned it all on her own. It had nothing to do with the fact that her sugar daddy fiancé Randall Emmett is a producer on the film. Nothing at all.

Vanderpump-Rules-Lala-Kent

Lala Kent is back in the news. The Vanderpump Rules star is a wannabe actress, current SUR hostess, an adult woman who drinks out of baby bottles. What an enigma! She has risen to the top of the friend food chain by publicly taking her cast mates on jets and privately losing what’s left of her dignity. BJs for PJs, y’all! Sigh, such a beacon of light for women’s rights, that one. While desperately trying to make her hashtag #givethemlalaorwhatever happen, she has been having some real-life struggles.

After the death of her father, Lala began to spiral. Arguments became excessive and drinking became problematic. It really began to seem that the only person Lala liked was Lala. Now we find that there might have been an underlying problem. No, not the one where she calls her fiance Daddy and wears a shirt emblazoned with his face. Courageously, Lala announced she is an alcoholic.