Batten down the hatches because after a few weeks of in hiding Krazy Kristen Doute has returned in full splendor on Vanderpump Rules. Solvang? Or So Insane? Kristen wasn’t the only one Solvagning problems though – Jax Taylor and James Kennedy both went to therapy, but not together. Although they probably should.
It’s the day after the inaugural TomTom party and Lisa Vanderpump hasn’t had a hangover since 1985, aka before Tom 1 and Tom 2 were born… Oh, wait: everyone on this show is pushing 40, which makes them older than me. And they’ve definitely given LVP enough headaches to quantify as a hangover.
The Toms are overjoyed with their first event. They were ready to spread the doors wide to the public at large. Tom 2 wants a gold star on his chore chart.
Lisa reminds them that there’s no gas (or ice). James was spinning records in the utility closet sitting on 2 Costco mega-packs of Charmin Double Ply.
Tonight on Vanderpump RulesLala Kent rewards the girls for no longer calling her a whore by taking them on a private jet to Solvang Wine Country.
Of course, since this is Vanderpump Rules, aka NeverNeverLand for drunken delusionoids, Kristen Doute acts up and embarrasses everyone. Of course hinging your life’s worth on a private jet is embarrassing enough so I can’t imagine how bad Kristen must be!
Do you remember the first couple seasons of Vanderpump Rules? During simpler times, the show’s premise centered around wait staff and bartenders working at SUR while they auditioned for acting, modeling, and music jobs. The reality show became a hit and now they’re pretty much just professional reality TV stars. In other words, they get paid to hang out with the people they’ve been friends with for years. Oh, and they all endorse the same sunglasses, hair vitamins, and teeth whiteners on Instagram.
At this point, they’ve pretty much all abandoned their attempts at artistic endeavors. Well, James Kennedy is still working as a DJ at random bar events. And then there’s Scheana Marieand Lala Kent who took that acting class where they faked orgasms. Now, Lala is putting her acting chops to work again. This time, without Scheana.
On last night’s Vanderpump Rules TomTom finally opened its doors in the frantic, frenzied, disastrous way you’d expect from Tom 1 and Tom 2.
Welcome to Mr. Tom’s Wild Ride – first stop the deluxe modern apartment of one DJ James Kennedy, who will have his reintroduction into SURciety by being the inaugural DJ at TomTom. Trust me – it sounds like a much bigger honor than it actually is. With havoc on the homefront and no ice at the bar, Lisa Vanderpump quickly realizes she needs the Toms temporarily distracted. So, she dispatches 5% personal assistants to wrangle menial tasks. Tom 2, as always, drew the short straw and is forced to go discuss the music with James.
As he waits for Tom’s arrival James works on his apology letter to Mandall, the entree nous he needs to get back into Lala Kent‘s homie status. Raquel LeViss is not impressed with James’ labors of Lala-dom.
On tonight’s Vanderpump Rules the teartini is replacing the pumpini, because oh-oooooh: Everybody’s crying!
Jax Taylor is celebrating the last birthday of his 30’s but he’s still fighting with his mom about the way his dad’s cancer was handled. She doesn’t even call him on his special day. As Jax struggles through his first birthday without his parents a flood of emotions come pouring out.
The drama has heated up for Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent. In this week’s episode, the Girls Night In feud continued with Lala and Billie Lee facing off about Billie’s comments on social media. The argument was left unresolved. So, we’ll have to see if they can come to terms later in the season.
Then Lala was confronted by Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright with the rumor that she hooked up with Ariana Madix in the backseat of Tom Sandoval’s car. Initially, Lala denied the encounter, but shortly after it was revealed to be true. Is it a requirement for the Pump Rules cast to sleep with everyone who stars on the show? Off camera, the drama continued and went straight to Lala’s home with producer Randall Emmett.
Lala calmly played it off like he was spewing nonsense, waiting to see how Ariana wanted to handle the situation. Ariana was not happy that he shared her private business with the boys… and the Vanderpump Rules viewers. Everyone was in a state of shock from the girl on girl hookup news that they completely glossed over the fact that Ariana had sexual contact with someone outside of her relationship. However, some fans called out Ariana for “cheating” on Tom.
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was inspired by 70’s icon Olivia Newton John who implored everyone to “get physical” – although may be not in illegal situations (i.e. a moving vehicle) with inconvenient partners.
So first we must discuss Tom 2‘s new hair color. It is rather reddish, like a Burnt Sienna crayon from the Crayola big box of 64 colors. It is best described as Raggedy Andy. Which is basically Tom’s whole life: loafing around WeHo, skulking behind Katie Maloney‘s rage, just awwww… shucks-ing while drinking his blues into oblivion near every open bar.
This morning’s ‘le sad emoji’ is because Lisa Vanderpump is still refusing to reveal the interior of TomTom because it’s not ready. Tom 1 is even more devastated. He had his outfit all freshly pressed and ready to go when they got the call letting them know takeoff had been delayed. Again.