RHOBH Recap

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Goodbye Kyle!!!!!

by Mary McClellandon April 3rd, 2019

Lord this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is making me reach for the CBD oil faster than Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave can turn on a friend and spin on a bike!

It all ends badly, but we start out lovely by watching Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers open their wedding presents. I wished we could’ve seen them unwrap the tequila from Dorit Kemsley, but alas Dorit probably ‘conveniently forgot’ the wedding gift, just like she conveniently forgets to tell her so-called close friend that she gave her dog away to a woman she kinda knows, or doesn’t know, or is an associate of PK’s or is you know, a shelter named A Very Lovely Random Woman.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Recaps

Kyle Richards Is Thrown Out Of Villa Rosa On Tonight’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

by Mary McClellandon April 2nd, 2019

In preparation for tonight’s EPIC episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills I have been yelling “GOODBYYYYYE, KYLE!” whenever something annoying happens, and tonight we finally see Kyle Richards thrown out of Villa Rosa after accusing Lisa Vanderpump of planting stories in the tabloids about Dorit Kemsley.

Of course this being Bravo, before epic conformation some other stuff happened. Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers celebrate their newlywed status not by taking a honeymoon, but by spending some quality time at home “nesting.” Which probably means having sex like 3 times a day instead of once. Keep doing you, and Aaron, Denise!

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: To Infinity And Beyond

by Mary McClellandon March 27th, 2019

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills episode Denise Richards got married under the paparazzi while Lisa Vanderpump got divorced from the rest of the cast over the paparazzi. You know, just another day in LA!

Of course, this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is about a dog while having nothing to do with a dog. It’s about so much more than that, obviously, but the prevailing thing is that I can’t rally behind the unraveling of something which attempts to paint Dorit Kemsley (who’s one step away from taking her phony accent and tacky clothes to debtors prison) as the victim. She’s not, no matter how many times Dorit asks, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall: whose the most victimized of them all?” Obviously, the mirror always answers Lucy, but Dorit routinely pretends not to hear things she doesn’t understand or like.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Recaps

Denise Richards Ties The Knot On Tonight’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills!

by Mary McClellandon March 26th, 2019

Tonight Denise Richards marries Aaron Phypers on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, and since they planned the wedding in like 10 days (or more specifically 48 hours) there’s obviously some drama!

The biggest drama being whether or not this wedding will actually ever happen. Denise is so late half the women leave — which was probably not what the producers wanted. They probably hopped all the downtown by the open bar would lead to plenty of hysterics and a revival of Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave whipping out text messages from a toddler to accuse Lisa Vanderpump of manipulation. Yes – still talking about Lucy In The Shelter With Microchips! (#BeatlesReference)

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Mic Plop

by Mary McClellandon March 20th, 2019

I started this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills planning to keep an open mind, but the plotting is just so sloppy and transparent. And not the plotting Lisa Vanderpump is doing!

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave has, by now, told about 15 renditions of her involvement/non-involvement in DogGate. In each version, she becomes increasingly naive and played for a fool. Also each time one of her versions doesn’t coincide with the revision, the other women conveniently brush it aside and double-down on the narrative that Teddi is the victim. Or Dorit Kemsley is. Really?

For instance tonight Teddi told her therapist she never spoke directly to Lisa about Doggate (Why are we still talking about this?!), then told Dorit and the other women that she was on a three-way call with Lisa and John Sessa which proves LVP is directly involved. Isn’t the whole point of Teddi’s argument that LVP isn’t owning her part and wants to frame Teddi? Well, it sounds like Teddi is doing the same exact thing!

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Recaps

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave Accuses Lisa Vanderpump Of Betrayal On Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

by Mary McClellandon March 19th, 2019

Tonight the axis of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills officially shifts when Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, a turtle of accountability, cements her very misplaced alliance with the rest of the cast against Lisa Vanderpump. All this over Dorit Kemsley (who has a deflated bank account to go with her droopy ethics and very drooping bikini tops) mistreating a dog and a friend.

I mean, when you (Teddi) are basing your rejection of a friendship based on said friend’s (LVP) possible collaboration in exposing a really shitty, contract violating, grifting, lying animal mistreating, a-hole, you probably need to reexamine your priorities in life and your version of morality. Just my opinion! But there goes Teddi throwing accountability to the wolves of Erika Girardi, Lisa Rinna, and Dorit. Girl… have fun with that til they turn back on you.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Textsssnicalities

by Mary McClellandon March 13th, 2019

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills the dissecting of doggate and what LISA VANDERPUMP knows continued in full-force. I am just so over this storyline and this same old nonsense. Already I am Loosy Loosey Losty Attention for Lucy Lucy Apple Juice!

In other news Kyle Richards, the eight circle of hell, dropped another daughter off at college. Also Denise Richards decided to get married to Aaron Phypers approximately 10 minutes after his divorce from Nicollette Sheridan was finalized. Why is she not on this show?

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Birds Of A Feather

by Mary McClellandon March 6th, 2019

No one on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills ever learns. Most of the cast never learns that it is simply not possible to take down Lisa Vanderpump. Sorry, I know your hopes are dashed harder than a broken botox needle, but this is the truth you must accept. You are all middle-aged, even if you’ve had six facelifts, and Lisa is not going to be toppled over defending Dorit Kemsley.

Likewise, Lisa Vanderpump never learns. She never learns that she can simply admit that yeah, she was trying to manipulate, and so what? After Lisa rendered them all impotent of storyline, she could toss a baggie of Viagra on the table, and saunter away; the ruffles on Lisa’s shiny satin blouse shaking as she tried to suppress her chuckles. After 7 seasons of the ‘Take Down LVP agenda’ she remains harder to conquer than the Viet Kong, even though the one tactic LVP has never tried is a strategic fake-out.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Recaps

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