Comscore

RHOBH Recap

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Lisa Rinna

Sheesh, the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills are a bunch of hypocritical shrews, but Lisa Rinna is quickly emerging as the leader of that pack.

There is something going on here where these women are attempting to gaslight Denise Richards, who won’t allow it. Somehow a conversation where Denise, almost jokingly, revealed to Erika Jayne that her daughter, Sami, overheard them talking about three-ways, has turned these women into a teeming frothing mob shrieking that Denise is mom-shaming and accusing them of being unfit parents. I’m sorry… I missed when that happened? Actually, Denise is right – they are mom-shaming her!

They are repeatedly and constantly bringing up irrelevant things that, in their minds, implicates Denise as a hypocritical slut who set a skanky bad example for her children, but is now projecting her own deep loathing shame onto them. At least that’s what Dr. Lipsa, consumer of self-help books from the 90’s, believes.

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Denise Richards

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills went to Santa Barbara and all they did was fight. Here a fight, there a fight, everywhere a fight-fight!

Back when Kyle Richards believed anyone cared about the movie she filmed, or more specifically cared about the Saga of Kyle: These are the Kaftans of Our Lives, she invited all the ladies to Santa Barbara. It was really to celebrate the end of her bangs. Literally Kyle went to Santa Barbara and immediately started sweeping back the bangs.

Of course no one cares about Kyle unless they’re making her cry or trying to get her all worked up until Mauricio has to  blow smoke – literally – up her ass. Everyone meets at Kyle’s house to make the long, arduous drive through the steep hills and rocky cliffs to a house perched on the side of a mountain in Santa Barbara where no one can hear them scream. Escape TO witch mountain. Or maybe Kyle can no longer separate horror film from horror reality?

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Kyle Richards Crying

There is a curious thing happening on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills – The gaslighting of Kyle Richards. Also what is up with Teddi Mellencamp? Did fear of Lisa Rinna get her tongue?

First though I cannot even stop laughing at the ridiculousness of Dorit Kemsley with her Buca di Beppo dining room remodel and Dorit behaving as if she was asked to re-do Buckingham Palace.

It’s the best karma ever delivered to see Dorit and PeeeeKaaaay coming across like the grifting fools they are; all wide-eye and shining, believing Dorit is going to leverage a strip-mall dining room remodel into a career as the new Nick Alain. Of course they mentioned that Lisa Vanderpump would be threatened by them infringing on her territory by entering the restaurant business. Robert Earl, the owner of this erstwhile chain of phony Italian restaurants with their inflated prices and pretend ‘old country’ memorabilia, snarks that he’s sure the Vanderpump-Todds will wish them well.

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Denise Richards

Whew, you guys so much to discuss from last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills but unequivocally my favorite thing ever in this whole world is Denise Richards “I’d like to talk to the manager…” face. Denise may be laid back and getting laid on the daily, but we saw what happens when you try to come for her.

If Kyle Richards believes bringing on Brandi Glanville to destroy Denise’s life (which is just SO GROSS on premise) will work, she’s wrong. I’m totally Team Fucking Denise Richards, and I think most viewers are too.

Also Kyle’s hair this season is just straight up karma! She looks like a matronly old bat from the 80’s attempting sex appeal. Whomever talked her into these messy topknots with teased bangs might be my hero. Reveal yourself – you deserve our praise!

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Kyle Richards

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Teddi Mellencamp hosted an All In retreat which no one wanted to go to at all, so they went all in on Kyle Richards instead.

Despite being invited, told it didn’t matter if she attended, and then ultimately being uninvited there is Sutton Stracke, riding in a car with Kyle and Erika Jayne to Teddi’s retreat.

Sutton, displaying her good southern manners, listens to Kyle prattle on about how busy she is. Being Kyle is an exhausting, nonstop, all-consuming, ever-involved endeavor of Kyle-ness. Like Kaftans Through the kloset karosel, these are the days of Kyle’s life. Sutton is actually only half-paying attention because she’s consumed with her own worries about dealing with Teddi. Even though Sutton apologized and received a reluctant OK to attend the retreat she’s still nervous about what to expect. 

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Teddi Mellencamp

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Kyle Richards decided to throw a party to celebrate the many months she’s spent away on a movie set, far from her family and friends, even though she was coming home every weekend in between. Anyway this party was a disaster. Aren’t they all!

Everyone is still trying to make a storyline out of Teddi Mellencamps weird All In retreat. Did Teddi invite them, did she not? Does she want them there? Does she not? Does anyone actually care? No of course not!

The problem remains on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills that everyone is always trying to control the storylines and the narrative. Now it’s all about whether or not Teddi actually expects them to attend a 2 day exercise class where she preaches the exalted power of self-sacrifice through starvation. Teddi really isn’t interesting enough to be a cult leader – even in Southern California to emaciated hippies calling it wellness.

The whole situation has Sutton Stracke confused and Lisa Rinna salivating.

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Erika Jayne

Everyone on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is trying waywayway too hard to make things interesting after last season. They are working hard for that money, but they need a salary reduction anyway. They’re still lying and boring!

It’s apparent that production demanded Dorit Kemsley discuss her financial woes. Dorit is still not being honest. It’s also apparent that they put the smackdown on Erika Jayne Snore-ardi and told her to show more range than one of Aaron Phyper‘s weird oxygenic bioderminator ozzzzzcilation machines. Sutton Stracke is so much more interesting! And they hate her for it.

The other problem is the constant strategic alliances. These women are coming for the weakest links: pregnant Teddi Mellencamp and ill, clueless Denise Richards. They probably figured Denise has been through it all dealing with Charlie Sheen so what’s the difference.

Kyle Richards Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

It’s a new dawn on Real Housewives Of Beverly HillsKyle Richards kaftans became legit, debuting at NY Fashion Week. Erika Jayne is trying a new way to take heat off her life – being friends with the women. Lisa Rinna is still lecturing everyone about owning it, while not owning that she is overjoyed to be No 1 Lisa. Also, we met new cast members Garcelle Beauvais and Sutton Stracke. So far I love them both!

All the ladies are in NYC for Kyle’s fashion show. One day before Kyle hasn’t even seen most of the collection she so-called designed. She calls Dorit Kemsley in a blind panic because she has no idea what do to prepare for a runway show. Like how to present the collection cohesively? How does one figure out who wears what? Dorit is appalled that Kyle has a line that she basically slapped her name on. Um, isn’t that what Dorit just finished Beverly Beach mediation over?