Shahs of Sunset was a doozy tonight – as in, I feel like I did ten shots of tequila doozy. While Asa Soltan Rahmati was left out due to her non-sharing-of-IVF-planning ways, both Shervin Roohparvar and Mercedes “MJ” Javid were feeling the drive to do the opposite and put it all out there.
For Shervin’s part, he might be able to see the writing on the wall that alpha crew member Reza Farahan is willing to turn his back on his oldest and closest friend, all because she doesn’t want to tell a bunch of fake friends who call her baby a bastard how she conceived. But most likely, Shervin realizes that someone somewhere has some dirt on him and his cheating ways and it’s easier to fess up now instead of spending multiple seasons being accused, like Mike Shouhed. As for MJ, I’m pretty sure tequila (and a slow decent to complete madness) is what caused her to go off the rails and issue a pregnancy ultimatum to fiancé, Tommy Feight. Spoiler alert: when you issue a man an ultimatum of any form, especially one driven by alcohol and overdramatic, nonsensical tears, it usually doesn’t end well.
Does anyone else forget all about where we left off when there is a break in episodes on a show? I certainly do! I’m assuming it’s a survival technique so that I can sustain watching copious amounts of horrible reality TV and keep coming back for more, but regardless of the brain science behind it, that’s exactly what happened when I went to watch tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset. I forgot all about the 80s costume party/unofficial day of reckoning for Shervin Roohparvar and his playboy ways. Not that it matters because in tonight’s episode, the Shahs have already moved on to skewer someone else and the lucky winner is pregnant-and-don’t-you-forget-it Asa Soltan Rahmati.
Now that we have gotten the whole cast trip/everyone has come together in a moment of bonding out of the way, it’s time for the Shahs of Sunset to tear it all down! If I had to sum up our band of merry Shahs in one word tonight, it would be
cheaters truth warriors. OK, well that’s two words but you get the idea – this gang just cannot stop until the truth,or whatever they happen to think is the truth, comes out. The focus of the truth warriors’ quest for answers is resident fly-under-the-radar-good-guy-to-the-point-of-boredom, Shervin Roohparvar, who is being accused of sleeping around with (GASP!) another Bravolebrity. And if you thought that his friends were going to let him get away with it, your guess is colder than one of Asa Soltan Rahmati’s frozen embryos. What about confronting him with this information in a really inappropriate time and place? Warmer. Then saying you will keep his secret? Warmer. Then inviting his supposed mistress to a party he will be at and confronting him with what he told you in confidence in front of all of his friends while demanding he admit it to everyone? Burning up! Can you guys handle the truth? Read on….
Last week on Shahs of Sunset, the Israeli experience was all about getting drunk and partying. This week? It’s time for the Shahs to get spiritual. And by spiritual, I mean fight nonstop with each other about religion. How enlightening!
It’s 9 AM – do you know where your MJ is? It’s no surprise that after a night of heavy drinking and trashing her hotel room, Mercedes “MJ” Javid and her dirty feet still aren’t up for the morning. The rest of the gang is getting ready and eating breakfast but no MJ to be found. Worried that maybe she has suffocated under her own boobs, Reza Farahan FaceTimes her and immediately wishes he hadn’t. MJ likes to claim she’s always fresh as a daisy after a night of drinking but time (and alcohol) has not been kind to her. She’s looking more weed wacked than freshly bloomed.
On every Bravo reality show, there comes a crucial point in the filming of the season where it’s time to get the cast up and out of their element, all for the sake of the viewer’s entertainment. Shahs of Sunset fans, I bring you last night’s episode of the cast trip. Why they chose to do it so early in the season is still a bit of a mystery to me but let’s just go along for the ride like we do everything else.
Before vacation commences, Reza Farahan does have some important business to work on at home: humoring husband Adam Neely into thinking he will consider a surrogate to have their children. They meet the doctor, who looks like the villain from every recent James Bond movie I’ve seen, and settle into his office. But while Adam is ready to talk babies, Reza is transfixed with the doctor’s taste in furniture and calculates in his head how much the desk costs and how his surrogacy money would be paying for it.
With a tumultuous and long-standing feud between Reza Farahan and Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi finally resolved, the Shahs of Sunset can get back to more important things, like peace in the Middle East. Just how does a Shah go about tackling the task that has eluded generations of people worldwide? By throwing a politically incorrect party, of course!
Reza and Mike Shouhed nurse their hangovers at lunch, while they recover from Shervin Rpoohparvar’s Malibu party the night before. Mike never went to bed and when Mercedes “MJ” Javid shows up, it looks like she hasn’t either….for days. Talk turns from being hungover to how much Mike’s family means to him and that includes family in Israel that he hasn’t seen in over ten years. Hey, wouldn’t it be “the dope-est” if all of the Shahs went to Israel too? Apparently so, according to Reza. He is looking to connect with the Jewish side of his life via a posh vacation with his friends. When they try and get MJ on board, she initially balks, saying she doesn’t want to leave her father while he is sick. But she quickly realizes that she needs a break from her stressful life and I guess another cast trip with this bunch of hooligans is something she might find relaxing. She thrives in chaos after all!
We are only on episode two of the new season of Shahs of Sunset and I’m already tired of hearing the Persian Priestess turned Diamond Water Maker turned Kaftan Peddler Asa Soltan Rahmati go on and on about her unborn vegan baby. I wish someone could give me an epidural for the rest of the season to take the pain away.
Speaking of things we have to endure, Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi is back in full effect this episode and she is ready to make amends all over the place. I don’t even know if she understands what she is apologizing for but she plans on throwing those apologies out faster than she can go from belligerent drunk to blackout drunk. GG arrives at Asa’s house to eat some hummus and drink the weird watermelon juice Asa has set out. Note: not diamond water. But Asa is true to her new craft, the overpriced kaftans she wears nonstop, and today is no exception. GG shovels zucchini into her mouth with her talons and tells Asa how skinny she looks, despite Asa’s constant attempts to get GG to notice her baby bump.
One of the biggest and most anticipated season premieres is happening tonight, folks. If you can stand the gratuitous violence and confusing story line, then I would be talking about Game of Thrones. If you can stand the gratuitous ridiculousness and idiotic story line, I’m talking about Shahs of Sunset. SOS isn’t totally devoid of violence either, thanks to Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi and her face clawing ways, you just won’t have to endure quite as much of it since she has apparently learned to meditate this season.
But before we delve into the abyss of GG’s tragic life, we have to drop in on everyone’s favorite sloppy soulmates, Mercedes “MJ” Javid and fiancé Tommy Feight. Yes, they are still together and yes, still engaged. In fact, they have even moved in together and I’m assuming that happened yesterday, by the looks of it. There are boxes, lucite stripper heels and empty bottles of vodka strewn about as MJ’s dog is busy licking the wrapper of a cheese and crackers packet that is discarded on the couch. MJ kicks her dirty feet up and we learn that a filthy apartment isn’t the scariest part of this living situation –it’s the fact that her mother Vida lives in the same complex. As in, she can look down from her tower of misery and see MJ’s place.