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Real Housewives of New Jersey

We are on episode 14 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. The bad news? It was a pretty non eventful episode that only featured the highly entertaining nuttyness known as Danielle Staub for a few minutes. The good news? there’s only two more episodes left. Just two more episodes and the second season will be finally over. That is until the reunion comes around of course.

A while back, our genius reader gigi1234 had a highlarious view on what the reunion should would be like -

Dirty D [Danielle] – “Kim who, Teresa who, Manzo who?”
Dina – “I’m in such a spiritual place now I simply choose to not comment” sitting w/cat oil stains on her Dolce dress.
Jacqueline – “Yea I know Ashley has no life, no interest & is disrespectful BUT”
Chewbaca [Teresa] – “I can’t comment on the foreclures since it really only has to do w/my husbands business. You know Joe is an entremanure & aint he hot”
Caroline - will be on couch not saying a word nursing Albie”

Let’s all hope the NJ ladies can give us a great reunion show a la the Real Housewives of NYC, but please Bravo let’s not make it 3 hours. I simply don’t think I want to sit through 3 hours of everyone against Danielle.

Guess it’s time to get into last night’s episode. It starts off the Jacqueline and her hubby Chris deciding to pay the Giudices a visit at their luxurious mansion. Jacqueline mentions Joe received a DUI and is puzzled because “Joe was not drinking and was not drunk,” during their night out. Really Jacqueline? Not even one drink by Joe? Not sure I’m buying this.

Danielle and her feathered head ex-con buddy Danny are shown eating out and of course, the topic of Joe’s DUI is brought up. Before Danielle can fully dissect the issue, we are forced to listen to Joe’s lies explanation of his version of events. “I was tired, it wasn’t from drinking at all,” claims Joe.

It’s now back to Danielle and the former prostitution whore actually makes good sense when she wonders out-loud why Joe simply couldn’t call a cab, being that he could afford to. Wondering if he could actually afford to, you know following the bankruptcy and over-spending wife. Joe then tries to explain away his .11 alcohol level, saying he started downing shots once at his friend’s house, following the accident. According to the DailyRecord.com, this is a defense is known as a ”glove box defense,” or claim of drinking after an accident so a blood test reading would be invalid.

Unfortunately for Joe, the cops didn’t buy his glove box defense, with the cops stating that the witness Joe called to support his claim of drinking only after the crash ”completely lacked credibility” and ”was out and out lying.” Ouch.

It’s now back to Danielle, who believes Joe’s DUI is a result of karma. “I’m just going to continue living in the love and light that they make fun of, while their darkness rains upon them, says Danielle, who’s sex tape would be ultimately released just months after uttering these words.

And for the fans of the show who say Bravo shouldn’t have Danielle and her supporting cast on the show, well you know what they say – be careful what you wish for, as the next 55 minutes of the show will be Danielle free.

Teresa, Caroline and Jacqueline meet up and Teresa makes an interesting comment. “Since the accident, it has been a stressful time for us, cause it’s a small town, everybody talks,” states Teresa, who’s bankruptcy filing would be unveiled just months after uttering these words. If their small town was abuzz about Joe’s DUI, one can only imagine all the yapping that took place regarding their $11 mil debt.

And then randomly out of the blue, the three ladies decide that Joe’s arrest is too stressful for them to handle or something, as the talk of taking a trip to Italy is randomly brought up. This whole scene seems very staged, as Bravo PAYS for these trips taken by the housewives, including the infamous St. John trip for the NYC Housewives, and the Florida trip taken by the OC Housewives. The Atlanta housewives also took a trip for their upcoming third season. So basically, this scene is phony and the trip idea was Bravo’s.

Caroline heads over to the Brownstone to inform her bobby about the trip, and maybe it’s just me, but Al seems more and more disinterested in Caroline as the days go by. And in what seems like perfect foreshadowing, Al states he doesn’t want a trip with Teresa’s kids 18 kids running around. Jacqueline wants to bring her parents to be babysitters, while Teresa feels it would be a good idea to bring her parents “you know since that’s where they were born.” All the husbands are on board, and Italy is about to get some NJ trash coming their way! And by NJ trash, I mean the Jersey Shore cast Teresa Giudice.

CLICK HERE FOR THE REST OF THE RECAP! -

It’s time to pack for the trip and the Giudice household seems more like a circus with all the little girls getting ready. We pan to the Manzo household and Al once again looks very disinterested and does not want to pack. We see Jacqueline packing, as she gives daughter Ashley some basic but telling house rules, ‘Don’t play house and don’t turn this place into a love-shack,’ are the two main rules. Jacqueline then informs us Ashley has to stay behind so that she can work and pay off her attorney bills, and a huge part of me wants to laugh out loud because I’m simply not buying this. How much are these attorney fees? And now much is Ashley really going to pay off with her part time job? Nope, not buying this one bit. I’ll take a guess here and estimate Ashley paid about a hundred bucks of the thousands and thousands of dollars in attorney fees.

The families gather at the Giudice‘s luxurious mansion to get ready and Caroline describes the scene as crazy with all the little kids running around. Jacqueline’s mother breaks a tacky vase, but luckily for future bidders, there are still many unbroken fabulous items belonging to Teresa, all up for auction on August 22 of course.

The Bravo housewives arrive in Italy with enough luggage for the entire state of New Jersey. “Venice is a town that’s made on water?” asks the common sense challenged Teresa. The boat trip ends and Teresa can’t wait to go to shopping, and no just any old store won’t do yall. Mama wants some Chanel! “Save a lot of money if we leave mommy here,” jokes Joe, with yet another financial joke this season. Are they even still “jokes” at this point? You know considering he says it with a stern voice, straight face and zero laughter.

And at this point and time, I notice we hardly ever hear Jacqueline bragging about the things she owns, her finances, or her great lifestyle. Anyone else notice this? Even Caroline brags every now and then, but not Jacqueline.

Joe and Chris are having drinks and Chris makes a quick but telling comment when he tells Joe that Teresa could have been hurt had she been in the car with him the night of the accident. Interesting scene here as it seems Chris is scolding Joe, rightfully so. The topic then turns to Danielle, and Chris, who is bearing a slight resemblance to the Ablie McHottie Manzo in this scene, makes a good point when he says the problem is likely Danielle as most of her friends and family are no longer in her life.

It’s a new day in Italy and the ever so thoughtful Teresa decides to give the grandparents some free time away from babysitting, and by relieving them of their babysitting duties, she means handing over the job to Caroline and Al, so that she and Joe can have some free time in the bedroom of course! Guess the Manzos don’t need the extra bedroom time.

It’s Milania’s birthday and after the cute bed scene with Joe wishing his little girl a happy bday, we hear Teresa utter the P word, that is Party, as in even while bankrupt on a ship in a different continent, Teresa is still throwing parties. Jacqueline is hungover from having one too many mojitas the night before, and is unable to make the party. The over the top cake arrives but Milania is fast alseep and would rather remain sleeping. Jacqueline is brought up during dinner, and everyone pretty much agrees that the drunk and hungover Jacqueline is the “real Jacqueline.” Ummmm ummm okay.

The episode ends, but fret not, there’s more Italian vacanza coming up next week. Yaaaay us! And I just realized this season, which was taped for a period of about 5 months, is almost over and yet we have seen a disagreement/argument between any of the other housewives excluding Danielle. You mean to tell me for a period of 5 months, Caroline and Jacqueline never got into it? I mean even family members have fights and arguments, however thanks to the ladies focusing solely on Danielle, we never get to see any of that and we never will, unless Bravo makes some big changes next season.

Sighs, I miss Watch What Happens.

TELL US: WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE RECAP AND LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE OF THE NJ HOUSEWIVES?

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