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Last night, we bid farewell to the girls of the second Teen Mom…with the help of Dr. Drew of course!

After putting Jenelle Evans and Kailyn Lowry in the hot seat last week, Drew has Chelsea Houska on the sofa. She reveals that her relationship with Adam is civil, but does include hooking up with him, Dr. Drew pronounces it not healthy. Wow. I think I could do his job. After recapping Chelsea’s season, I wish Dr. Drew would ream her for riding on Adam’s motorcycle without a helmet. Instead he applauds her for her accomplishments…which I guess she deserves. He mentions her former friend, Megan, who recently had her baby, and Chelsea is quick to say that she hates that her friend is missing out on her youth like she did.

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Discussing Adam, Chelsea admits to having trust issues. She says that she and Adam don’t really talk about the past cheating and resentment-from both parties. Chelsea is very appreciative of the strides Adam is making. He sees Aubree almost every day. Dr. Drew calls her out again for hooking up with Adam, and she smugly replies, “You said that, not me.” Boom-Adam said it to Dr. Drew. You can’t screw with the Drew, Chelsea.

Adam joins Chelsea on the sofa. He touts their physical attraction, but they don’t seem to be mature enough to find different things about the other, which would make them a couple. Adam admits to cheating on Chelsea “a handful”, while, she believes her insecurities are her downfall. According to Adam, Chelsea never cheated when they were in a relationship, but when the pair is broken up, she always goes after his friends to twist the knife-on purpose. Adam is very vulnerable with Dr. Drew, which is the exact opposite of how he appears on the show. Neither of them are willing to forgive the other for their past indiscretions. Adam is upset that Chelsea has hooked up with a number of his friends, while Chelsea is defensive and passive aggressive. It’s almost like they have switched roles.

Chelsea admits to hooking up with guys in retaliation to Adam’s actions. But, she thinks he’s hot, and he is in love with her. WHAT? They hold hands and share a smooch. Hat’s off Dr. Drew. Presently, they both are confident that the other isn’t cheating. She has an IUD, but Adam hates condoms. Thank you, MTV. This is definitely a lesson…in what not to keep doing over and over and over and over. Dr. Drew gets on Chelsea for her immaturity, but he praises Adam for making a positive change. I am so confused as to how he is helping these girls…

Leah Messer is up next…and can I just say, once again for the record, how happy I am that MTV made this into two episodes instead of one super-sized show? I think my brain may have exploded otherwise. Dr. Drew provides us with yet another fun fact about the perils of teen marriage before delving into Leah’s story. He says her troubles are the hardest to watch. She feels angry and hurt about her circumstances…people always leave her. Leah admits to cheating with Robbie, at her bachelorette party. She’s not trying to make excuses for her behavior, but Corey’s lack of affection fed into her insecurities.

She brings up Corey’s porn watching, and Leah reveals that if they had watched it together, it would be fine. She is still in love with him, and she is teary-eyed and like, talking, like really fast. Leah claims she went forward with the divorce in an effort not to lose custody. Corey, sans camo hat (WHAT? Is it afraid to fly? Did it not want to be called out by Dr. Drew?), joins Leah on stage. He sits as far from her, as humanly possible. He blames his lack of intimacy on the fact she was texting Robbie all the time before hooking up with him. Wait, next Corey says he had no clue about Robbie until three months into their wedding…but he knew to expect Robbie’s presence in Leah’s life and always did even before they walked down the aisle.

In response to him turning away from her in bed, Corey cites Leah’s need to start ridiculous fights and then not discuss the fallout until early in the morning. Cue the story about the time he bought beef hot dogs when she likes the pork variety. This draws quite a chuckle from both Leah and the good doctor. The couple disagree about how often they were having sex, before the wedding. Corey claims it was a couple of times a week, but Leah says that wasn’t the case. She equates his porn watching to cheating, while Corey says the porn got him in the mood. Either way, those are red flags.

Leah tried to get Corey to go to couple’s counseling, but Corey laments, you can only get hit in the face so many times before you throw in the towel. Dr. Drew tells the pair that cheating isn’t a “fatal blow” to a relationship. Dr. Drew brings up the twins which has both Corey and Leah in tears. Really, Pinsky? Corey is willing to man up, but he is tired of feeling so defeated and depressed. He is scared she is going to hurt him again. Corey reluctantly agrees to go to counseling with Leah’s therapist. Does that ever actually happen? I am not being sarcastic–did they try once more before Leah shacked up with Jeremy Calvert, or were they just blowing smoke to appease Dr. Drew? Regardless, their couch time is heartbreaking. I hope camo hat is stage left to comfort Corey.

Leah’s mom and Corey’s dad join the couple. Both parents say they will support their children no matter what. Corey’s dad doesn’t want the pair to get back together…he believed Leah was remorseful the first time she cheated, but she seems to be following a pattern. Leah’s mom doesn’t condone her behavior, but Leah’s now in therapy, so it’s all good. I think that Corey’s dad is almost as hurt by Leah as Corey, because he always loved Leah and treated her as his daughter. I have always, always loved Corey’s dad. He needs a spin-off.

Leah sobs while telling Corey’s dad how much she loves him. Dr. Drew tries to forge a mended relationship between Leah and Corey’s dad. I guess if Corey and Leah can’t reconcile, the second best is an amicable relationship with his dad…Really, Dr. Drew, I think you’re dropping the ball. Check that–the ball was dropped a while ago. Both parents preach birth control and communication. Drew coddled Leah before going to a commercial break, where I’ll undoubtedly be bombarded with more future teen moms.

The teen moms and dads round out the show with the requisite questions among the cast. This is so fake and forced. Chelsea tells Kailyn she wants to finish her GED in six months. Kailyn tells Jenelle (am I the only one who noticed Kailyn’s stink eye at Jenelle–perhaps those rumors about their failed friendship are true) that she leans on Jordan and Jo for support in lieu of her mom. All of the teens are hurt by the hate they see on the internet. Before bringing out the toddlers, Drew adamantly, and I mean ADAMANTLY, reminds everyone that teen pregnancy is 100% preventable, but until it’s prevented 100% MTV will continue to air shows about it.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE? COMMENTS ON THE ADAM/CHELSEA SWITCH? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT BADLY FOR HIM LAST NIGHT? I KNOW, I KNOW, HE’S BEEN A DOUCHE SUPREME ALL SEASON. WAS LEAH BEING SINCERE? WAS DR. DREW TOO EASY ON HER? WHERE WAS CAMO HAT???

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