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hbb christmas

There is nothing like the Shannon Thompson crew sporting tacky Christmas sweaters for yet another Here Comes Honey Boo Boo holiday special.  It's a tad depressing to be watching all the Christmas preparations almost two months after the fact, but I am sure I will soon be thanking my lucky stars that I didn't spend my Christmas being sneezed on by any member of this family!

The episode begins with the June, Sugar Bear, Uncle Poodle and the girls decorating for Christmas and preparing for the crew's annual canned food and toy drive.  I must commend them for their charity work.  Last year, they were able to help 108 families in need, and this year June's goal is to raise $10,000 in donations.  Sugar Bear is in charge of decorating the yard with countless light up plastic candy canes and nativity scenes, and I'm sure there will be some giant inflatable snow globes in the mix…a girl can dream at least.  In the days leading up until Christmas, the family will spend their evenings standing in the overly decorated yard with Sugar Bear dressed up as Santa.  Folks will come from miles around to see the debacle and donate items to the charity.  They locate the plastic baby Jesus in the shed, but alas, his toes have been chewed off by some animal.  I can barely get the phrase "forklift foot" out of my mouth before Chubbs steals my thunder.

Some of the decorations have seen better days, but June refuses to throw anything away.  She attempts to fix a light-up white tree to no avail, declaring it the "Leaning Tree of Pisa."  Alana shares that her mother is a hoarder and is also "bat poop crazy" when it comes to Christmas decorations.  Hey, at least she said "poop," right?  June is quite the handy woman with a roll of duct tape.  Alana stays out of the way…singing a lullaby to the plastic baby Jesus before sneezing on him.  I knew it was coming!  I have to give it to June, she goes all out with the decorations, and she takes a lot of pride in their yard as it shows their Christmas spirit.

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hbb jesus

Inside, June and Sugar Bear are putting together the white artificial Christmas tree.  How very retro!  Chubbs is going to be scarred for life from the sexually explicit conversation she has to hear between Sugar Bear and June.  Hell, I'm going to be scarred for life for hearing it as well!  The girls are decorating the tree, and they are disappointed when they can't find the tree topper.  No worries!  Alana decides her pet chicken Nugget will totally get the job done.  The chicken topples the tree, and the girls scramble to clean up the mess before Sugar Bear sees the devastation.  In a rare moment of seriousness, June explains that the toy drive is very special to her.  She once needed help around the holidays because she couldn't afford to buy gifts for her kids, and she said that not being able to make Christmas happen for her girls was the worst feeling ever.  Someone helped June out when she fell upon hard times, and now she wants to return the favor so other parents never have to feel helpless.

According to June, their yard is one of the biggest Christmas displays in their entire county.  Alana dresses up like Elvis and declares herself Santa's helper.  Oh. My. Gracious.  I feel so flipping dumb.  I just made the connection of Elvis and elves.  The saddest part is that this isn't the first time in the series that Alana has said that Elvis makes the toys for Santa.  Could it be that this show is making me more stupid than I already was?  Nah… A lot of people come to see the family's Christmas lights and drop off donations.  They raise almost $1,200 the first night. 

Sugar Bear is duct taping mistletoe all over the house…even in the fridge.  He's hoping to get a lot of smoochie smoochies from June.  When June comes in, she can tell that her family is up to something.  When Sugar Bear attempts to lay one on her, she runs through the house screaming with him chasing her down for a kiss.  June is not a fan of PDA, but she has no choice when her girls barricade her in the bathroom with Sugar Bear.  The sisters sing "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes another baby in the baby carriage."  Let's hope that isn't the case!

The family heads to a local flea market to shop for Christmas gifts.  She gives her daughters ten bucks each to buy presents for their family members.  June loves a bargain, and her family does spot on impressions of her in a "June-off."  I think Pumpkin wins the round.  Alana is asking her mother for advice on what to get for Sugar Bear.  Pumpkin buys some used underwear which she promptly rubs in her mother's face.  June is hoping that this trip to the flea market will help her girls learn how to be "feugel" with their money.  Alana gets two mannequin heads so that Sugar Bear can run his fingers through their hair just like he does to June.  It may be the creepiest gift ever.  I guess Alana was right with her wise words.  "One man's junk is another man's…junk."  Back at home, Alana wraps her present.  I don't anticipate her getting a holiday job in the gift wrapping department at any local department store in the near future.  For being so frugal, June certainly doesn't seem to mind if her family members waste a ton of tape!

hbb skate

Alana is sporting approximately eight pairs of sweat pants for the crew's ice skating outing.  June is no dummy, she's just going to watch from the side of the rink.  She predicts that Pumpkin will fall the most, and she later claims that Alana loved the experience despite being "apprehensum and skeptical" at first.  Is that Latin?  Chubbs wonders what her mother is trying to say, so she askes the meaning of "apstamentical."  Perhaps the Thompsons should market their own line of dictionaries.  Alana declares it a Christmas miracle that June is able to walk out onto the ice without cracking it. 

June is going through her closet to find something she can re-gift to Uncle Poodle.  She thinks the ultimate re-gifting situation would be to give back the gift to the original gift giver after waiting a few years.  June sure is a sneaky one…of course, Chubbs just thinks she's cheap.  It is priceless to watch her define what a bookend is to Alana.  "Well, uh, it's, you know, like a bookend." 

TRAIN!  It's the final night of the family's Christmas display.  Sugar Bear loves that his brood is able to help others in need in the community.  The family has exceeded their goals, collecting thousands of canned goods as well as over $15,000 in toys and cash donations.  That is pretty amazing.  The following day, the girls are loading the trailer with toys and food so they can take yet another load over to the charity Wilco Luvs Kids.  We learn that the president of the charity was the person who helped June in 2007.  It is astounding the amount of toys they were able to collect.  And, TRAIN AGAIN!

hbb santa

The family's tradition is to open gifts from one another on Christmas Eve and then Santa presents on Christmas morning.  Alana receives some hair bows (you have no clue how happy I am that she was able to read that one of the bows said "drama queen") while Pumpkin gets cans of corn and pork chops.  Sugar Bear loves his hairy heads, and he gifts June with yet another deer statue.  She isn't a fan, and her daughters call her ungreatful ungrateful.  The icing on the cake is the set of matching red "butt-flap" footie pjs for the entire family, complete with hats.  Once everyone is decked out in their finest holiday sleepwear, Alana leaves a cake out for Santa as well as some cheese balls for the reindeer.  When she asks how Santa is able to go to all the houses in the world in just one night, June rambles on about different time zones.  The family, their pets, the deer statues and the train then share a tender Waltons moment.

The next morning, Alana is thrilled that Santa has come so she wakes up the household.  She reads a thank you note from Santa finds it hilarious that a reindeer may have pooped on the kitchen floor.  I will spare you June and Chubbs' conversation about sharting.  You are very welcome.  All of the girls love their gifts from Santa, although Uncle Poodle isn't too keen on his one bookend.  He promises to re-gift it to June next year.  The sisters work together to open their big present from Santa after a very dramatic drum roll.  It's a flat screen television and a DVD player.  The festivities conclude with Uncle Poodle taking a family picture…until Nugget threatens to do his business.  Ahh, the joys of the season!

TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL?  WHAT WAS THE GROSSEST PART OF THE EPISODE?

[Photo Credit: TLC]

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