Have you recovered from Tamra Barney's pageant hair and meltdown after Eddie Judge's nipple gate strip-club antics? Me either, but unfortunately for me, Tamra's OC Wedding keeps chugging along. On the bright-side, after last night's episode, we're way more than halfway through!
After the bachelor party hijinks, Tamra figures the best way to continue emasculating her future husband with dance lessons. Tamra shouldn't be dancing. To be honest, I went to get a yogurt during this scene and didn't feel like reliving it so I plowed forward.
Later, Tamra is going to shop for bridesmaids dresses, and Vicki Gunvalson is a no show. Heather Dubrow and Ricky (and some other Bravo extra) are joining her, and Heather realizes she shouldn't be surprised that Tamra doesn't know the difference between blush, cream, ivory, and buff. Who cares? Tamra has plenty of time to find her perfect bridesmaids' dresses. The wedding is two weeks away, which is like an eternity in Bravo-land. The limo pulls up to the elite boutique, and Tamra has flashbacks of her many tequila-soaked vacays to Tijuana. Refusing to get out of the car, Tamra calls Diann screaming about the hideous thrift store. Thankfully, Diann is a bitch-whisperer and she's able to calm Tamra with coos of pricier frocks from the poor woman in the extended stay who designed for Alexis Couture. Thank goodness!
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The following day, Diann has scheduled a tasting at the St. Regis. Tamra introduces Eddie to Diann with no hint of subliminal messages. "Diann we're totally under budget, this is remember don't say anything about how much I'm spending my soon to be broke fiance Eddie." Diann reveals that she's seen some of the most awful fights happen when the couple tries to figure out the menu. Eddie is a foodie, and Tamra is hoping for some classy pop-tarts and booze. Tamra spends her time giving the stink-eye to the chef because she can't understand his accent and avoiding questions about the budget. I feel so, so, so sorry for the poor events manager that has to sit through Tamra's play on words with the black cod.
That night, Tamra and Eddie are going through their response cards. Vicki and her plus one will be in attendance, but she's yet to hear from Rudey-McRuderson Gretchen Rossi. Eddie totally loses it when he learns that Alexis Bellino and Jim have been invited. Eddie finally sticks up for himself against Tamra in a very dramatic "Un-invite the Chin" campaign before storming out of the room. Tamra calls Diann for advice, but Diann can only laugh at Tamra's misfortune.
Eddie and Tamra are bringing their families together for the first time. Wait, they're just now meeting? Tamra is concerned given that her mother and father have a hard time being in the same room, and one of her brothers is either a violent or a sappy drunk. They should be a great fit with Eddie's conservative family. Eddie hopes his grandmother will love Tamra as much as she does. Wait, where is
the lawyer who adopted an adult Eddie dear old dad?
Tamra's brother dives right into the festivities by passing around a mason jar of moonshine. How dare he? What is this–the country bear jamboree? Things only get better from there. Ask a loaded question, and you'll get a loaded answer…so Tamra shouldn't be surprised when she asks her brother what word he'd tattoo on Eddie and he answers "Sucker." Her brother goes off on a rant about how she's damaged goods, but he insists that mean jokes are a part of their sibling love language. Hey, at least Eddie thinks he's funny!
Unfortunately, Tamra tries to commandeer the attention, and her toast goes sour when her brother reminds the crowd that she's a shrew who is twice-divorced with anger issues. Her parents refuse to referee, and Eddie's family looks like they want to melt into the ground…and I can't blame them. Tamra and her family are airing their dirty laundry with cussing and tears. It's incredibly awkward and cringe-worthy. Perhaps they shouldn't have brought out the moonshine so early. We are then treated to the mini-clip where Tamra butchers the Spanish language in an effort to have one line of the ceremony that Eddie's grandmother can understand.
It wouldn't be a Bravo show without a passive aggressive doggy play date. Tamra and Gretchen are going on a very scripted hike, and it's obvious that Gretchen is trying not to smile when Tamra questions whether she'll attend the wedding. The two tip-toe around their issues. Gretchen rescues Tamra's dog from a skunk. Is all great (on the surface) in the land of Botoxed blondes.
Diann has corralled all the blush dresses in Orange County. Heather can't make the fitting, so she gets the leftover dress. Vicki puts on her favorite of the dresses and starts dishing about her love of marriage and the importance of pre-nups. As Diann leaves, Eddie stops the planner to discuss their recourse if their guests bring drama. He's finally agreed to allow the Bellinos, but he doesn't want any drink throwing at his reception. Maybe he should reconsider his bride…
With less than a week until the wedding, Tamra's mother stops by to rehash the drama from the family dinner. Everyone plays alcohol, and her mom reminds Tamra that things always came easily for her…and not so much for her brother. They both hope that airing their issues may have been a positive step.
Next week, Tamra gets her Britney Brazilianed and a #wedding by Bravo occurs.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE? WERE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE DURING THAT FAMILY DINNER?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]