I have tried to be understanding. I have tried to keep my sarcasm in check. And I have tried, so hard, not to be shady. But now Gina Kirschenheiter has left me with little choice. One of the newer stars of Real Housewives of Orange County has been keeping the drama flowing in the show’s 14th season. And what a season it’s been. Gina has dealt with a DUI, a cheating ex-husband, and a blossoming friendship with
the devil Tamra Judge.
Last year we saw Gina and Emily Simpson hanging out a lot, one might have called them BFFs. But their relationship began to show cracks as they attempted to navigate through the trials and tribulations of life. Gina felt personally attacked that Emily wanted to celebrate her anniversary in Sin City. Obviously a direct assault into Gina’s new responsible way of living. But once Gina addressed her drunk driving arrest and came to terms with being single, she decided to start dating. Emily tried to do Gina a solid and set her up with her husband’s cousin, you know because Shane Simpson has such a good rep. Unfortunately, the date wasn’t meant to be, and Gina again considers herself betrayed by Emily.
There’s been many a times I’ve suffered second-hand embarrassment while watching a Real Housewives show, but last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was officially THE WORST. I was literally blowing a metaphorical whistle at the TV as I witnessed Braunwyn Windham-Burke and Tamra Judge‘s dry-humping. Too much tongue is often a problem on Bravo, but usually in a very different way.
Tamra has the brilliant idea to take a train down to Del Mar, fill plastic penises with vodka, and pass out train conductor whistles to celebrate Shannon Beador‘s 55th birthday party. Cause nothing says middle-age like a drunken orgy!
This trip has historical significance for several reasons: 1) Del Mar is Shannon’s old haunt, from back when she was “fun Shannon,” chugging Andre champagne and stalking surfer dudes; 2) It references the train rumor that so plagued Kelly Dodd‘s indefatigable reputation; 3) Meghan King Edmonds is attending for some unknown reason.
Remember when people used to have private disputes? Those days are long gone, we have a new way of feuding now! Thanks, Twitter! Real Housewives of Orange County star Tamra Judge could teach a master class in the art of being disrespectful. This could be the reason why she gets along with newly-demoted Vicki Gunvalson. These two can barely remain complimentary with each other, much less anyone else.
Now, what if you’re a business owner with a disparaging personality? People investing their time and money in operating a business want success. The same holds true for Tamra and husband, Eddie Judge with their gym. Many folks not satisfied with their weight will flock to the nearest fitness center to work on shedding pounds, and raising self-confidence. When one embarks on a journey to improvement, sensitivity is often required. It can be embarrassing to admit a problem, even if you want to correct it. This might be a lesson Tamra could use going forward, when people seek her “expert” advice for help. Just ask Emily Simpson.
Shannon STORMS Beador is used to things not going her way. When she began her run on Real Housewives of Orange County, her now ex-husband, David Beador, was dipping his chips in someone else’s salsa. Much to the viewers’ weekly dread, The Affair became an entity on its own. We had counseling because of The Affair. We had awkward interactions with David and Shannon’s children, because of The Affair. And we learned nine lemons in a bowl with a side of crystals didn’t do a damn thing to end The Affair.
Ultimately Shannon, The Affair, and David ended their 17-year marriage. Shannon replaced David with the beloved Archie, and David immediately shacked up with another woman. Since then, Shannon has experienced weight gain, self-doubt, and breakdowns as a result of her relationship ending. Thankfully Shannon turned a corner. She started working out. She created her own business. And she started dating! Now as Shannon navigates her new love life, she has to circumvent the old one. But what happens when the two worlds collide? According to Shannon, about what you would expect.
Last night most of the Real Housewives Of Orange County finally escaped Arizona. All that so-called healing got left in Arizona though. In fact the only person who seemed to internalize anything was Kelly Dodd, who also got left behind in Arizona.
Kelly visited her hometown of Scottsdale to hopefully reconnect with her family. Fun fact: I went to ASU, and I have been to The Vig countless times! So that was exciting, and this where Kelly and Mary’s similarities end. Because when Kelly lived in Arizona she was getting arrested as a juvenile delinquent for setting the her catholic high school’s field on fire and brawling with old ladies at the Phoenix Open.
Kelly meets up with her BFFs to reminisce about all the times she drunkenly slapped people. Kelly is the very definition of stunted adolescence. She and Jolie live in an unintentionally Freaky Friday world where Jolie is the miniature adult attending board meetings and organizing the meal schedules for the week. If she just took over the finances…
First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Secondly, the Word of the Day is: hypocrisy. Former full-time Real Housewives of Orange County star, Vicki Gunvalson, is going to give us a lesson in our Word of the Day. Oh, this will be fun! Being Vicki’s friend is no easy task. It begs the question, is anyone friends with Vicki not on the Bravo payroll? Just ask Kelly Dodd. Since joining RHOC, Kelly has had disputes with most of her co-stars. From alums Heather Dubrow (I miss her, don’t judge me) and Meghan King Edmonds, to current conflicts with Tamra Judge and Shannon STORMS Beador, Kelly has added drama to the show.
Speaking of drama, Vicki is quite familiar with the word. We won’t mention her
cancer-scamming sordid past with men. Or her endless fights with Tamra. It’s safe to say while Vicki once reigned supreme, the OG of the OC has morphed into the OG of the Oh Please Make It Stop. That said, Vicki is still out for blood and her target is Kelly. Vicki feels Kelly needs to start taking accountability for her actions and try being nice for a change. I will now invite you to remember our Word of the Day: Hypocrisy.
Watching last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County was like getting hit by the Kelly Dodd train. Her emotions were all over the place. I’m not sure if I blame the drinks or the desert, but all’s well that … Well, I don’t want to say “end,” so, “pauses(?) well,” because Kelly and Vicki Gunvalson have forged peace! Tequila for all!
The episode opens with amazing flashbacks. Like I’m watching a Dateline 48 Hours mystery, which is hilarious, because the backwards clock makes me realize it has only been TWENTY-FOUR hours.
What’s even more amusing is that this is a day in the life cycle of Vicki Gunvalson: lie, deny, blame, repeat… Vicki is angry at Kelly for lashing out at her, but Vicki continuously pokes the beehive with her witchy acrylic nail, then cries cancer when she gets stung.
The least relaxing spa trip in recorded history continues on Real Housewives Of Orange County! The ladies are still in Miraval, ostensibly finding the zen, when Kelly Dodd learns more about what gossip Vicki Gunvalson has been spreading. Kelly ultimately decides to distance herself from all the Tres Amigas.
The trouble begins when the ladies go beekeeping and Kelly decides to stay behind. While Shannon Beador is flirting with the sexy beekeeper (free honey for all of her holistic healing!), Vicki repeats another scandalous rumor about Kelly.