Lilly Ghalichi's prom princess birthday party was so last week – but the fallout from Lilly excluding Mercedes "MJ" Javid from the party is so this week on Shahs of Sunset. Sparks fly when Lilly and MJ comes face-to-face for the first time since the party. Lilly exits stage left wondering if these people were ever her real friends. Um, probably not, so thank goodness the prom queen has 296 other close friends to pet her hair and lick her wounds while she's sad.
To kick things off, Mike Shouhed visits MJ to help her express her dog's anal glands. Seriously. The only thing I'll say about this is, the free alcohol is a nice touch, but there are not enough tequila shots in the world for that. Then we learn TMI about MJ's shower habits. Pass the tequila. No shot glass necessary.
Next Lilly meets up with Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi. So, these two are exploring their friendship, and Lilly's totally on board since GG is "skinny and pretty". She might cut a bitch, but at least she does it in a size 2 jean, right? GG reveals she's been dating a new guy for the past five months. Lilly gives her the side eye because she saw her making out with not-the-new-guy at the birthday party. GG says she was on a "two day break" so it's all good.
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Asa Soltan Rahmati checks on her Diamond Water empire … in the making. She's spent $500,000 – of other people's money, mind you, since she was singing the broke blues last season – on the project to date. "I'm like Moses in the desert with this Diamond Water project, tirelessly seeking truth, love, and positivity through a desert of nonbelievers."
Today, Asa learns the top heavy bottles won't stand up on a conveyor belt, and she'll need $50,000 to correct the problem. But that's not all. It'll cost the spiritual gangster another $450,000 to cap the bottles. Asa cries, "The cap is the secret to Diamond Water!" She quickly adds, "And also the love energy that comes straight from my heart!" Yeah, OK, Moses.
Asa meets with Dan the Water Man. He blows smoke up her ass – not be confused with smoking the evil eye out of her coochie – but the bottom line is that Dan the Water Man, who has been dealing with water for, like, decades, can't figure out how to fill and cap Asa's special bottles for less than $500,000. A mortified Asa reveals she has $300,000 in Diamond Water pre-orders that need to be filled! HA! I really hope she's paying some of her investors back in water, cause really? Who pre-orders water?
Last season, Reza Farahan pushed MJ out their shared office in favor of a business partnership with Mike. Well, karma's a bitch, isn't it? Neither Reza nor Mike is happy with the arrangement. Mike wants Reza to hold his hand. "If Reza would take the time to mentor and coach me, we'd be making millions and millions of dollars together." Reza wants Mike to learn the business on his own, then he'll swoop in and take half of everything. That's how the Reza rolls!
In other Reza news, he's moving in with Adam. Reza drops a few bothersome lines: "Why do I have to micromanage you?" and "You're so annoying." and "I'll beat you like a real Iranian housewife." and "I'm exercising my grown up muscle." Blah. Poor Adam.
Also poor Leila! GG's sister reveals the details behind her seemingly sudden marital problems to MJ. Turns out Leila's husband cheated on her – with their kids in the house! Leila's confession reminds MJ of her own parents divorce. "It was like walking through my life when I was six years old." Leila wants/needs to be out of her house as soon as possible. MJ plans to help.
Lilly goes out to dinner with sister, brother, and cousin. Oy. Plastic clearly runs in the family. Annoying voices too. Lilly brings up her now 30 and still single status, which prompts her brother to share his opinion, "From a medical standpoint, you don't have all the time in the world. Your eggs are dwindling in number and quality." Then Bro tells all three ladies that he hopes they don't fail the human life chain. Now, I'm no Lilly fan, but this guy is an ass.
GG introduces MJ to her new beau, Sean Sette. Geez. Could he look more disinterested? GG and MJ move on to a more pressing matter, Lilly's birthday party. GG chastises MJ for not RSVPing. "That bitch send you an EVITE - you click YES!" GG's stance catches MJ off guard. "Since when is GG taking Lilly's side? I thought she was my friend!" Their obsession with "taking sides" and "my friend, not yours" is so juvenile.
MJ attempts to reason with GG, but it blows up in her face when GG reminds us – and MJ – that she excluded GG from her birthday party last season. GG gives MJ the middle finger, adding, "That was a friendship betrayal which will forever make me second guess everything." And so it begins.
In other GG news, she invites the entire group out to dinner to introduce Sean. They're all a bit on edge – half because they're afraid of MJ's boobs and half because they're bracing for a MJ & Lilly showdown – but they're having fun nonetheless. "When real groups of friends come together, it just flows and it's fun," gushes Mike. "It's real."
Cue Lilly bouncing down the sidewalk towards the restaurant. Well played, Bravo. Lilly announces herself – and immediately reminds everyone that she doesn't drink alcohol. Ugh. You can blow her up, but you can't take her out.
MJ and Lilly are at each other's
boobs throats within minutes. MJ wants Lilly to admit that she didn't accept her RSVP because she never wanted her at the party at all. Lilly denies it, adding, "I'm not going to bend over backwards for anybody, especially somebody who has said so many mean things to me."
MJ continues to push Lilly, who blurts out, "You are not my friend!" MJ turns it into a skinny/fat issue. Lilly turns it into a works hard/laze about issue. Lilly asks MJ how much money she made last year. MJ accuses Lilly making her living off of men. "Everything I'm wearing right now, I bought for myself. Including my tits," announces Lilly. "You're so uneducated and ignorant."
From here, the children fight over their friends. "These are my friends first," declares MJ. "You and Coconut – you can circle all the way back to Texas." Lilly looks around – desperate for someone to claim her as a friend. It's silent.
Lilly walks out of the restaurant. GG looks pissed. MJ smiles.
TELL US – TEAM MJ OR TEAM LILLY?
Photo credit: Bravo