My, oh my! I'd forgotten so much about how last season's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta ended, so I was like a kid at Christmas watching the highlights. The three-way proposal! The three-way three-way! If this season is half as dramatic as last, we are in for a train wreck. Last night's premiere didn't disappoint. Stevie J. is certainly stepping up in the world, isn't he? He's living in the White House with Joseline Hernandez. Their shared mansion is 18,000 square feet, and the pair pour champagne for breakfast. It's a long way from Benzino's sofa! Joseline reveals that the couple got married in a courthouse, and she's ready for a lavish wedding. The dress she wants is only $25,000. A steal! Stevie wants a wedding celebration too, but first he'd like to focus on a shared birthday party since they were born one day apart.
Rasheeda and Kirk Frost are "back together" for the sake of their son Carter. Of course, by "back together" I mean they are living in the same house and co-parenting their newborn, but Rasheeda has banished him to a separate bedroom and I can guarantee you he's not getting any love from her. I'm sure he's keeping himself sane courtesy of the threesome memories from No Neck's cabin. Here's hoping Kirk doesn't act like as much of a douche as he did last season!
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Mimi Faust is over Stevie J. and, as we all know courtesy of Vivid, that she's back together with Nikko. She's also clearly taking her wardrobe cues from her nemesis Joseline. Mimi and Nikko make-out and chat about how much they love making sex tapes together. No, seriously, that's their conversation. I guess that kind of goes against the claims that Mimi's home movies were super secret and private since the couple appears to be about to make another naughty video in the presence of the VH1 camera crew. #sadexcuseforastoryline
We're introduced to Tammy who is the fiance of rapper Waka Flocka Flame. They have been together for three years, and–you'll be shocked to hear this–he's had some issues with fidelity. Tammy likes to pop in on some of his shows to make sure he's keeping it in his pants. I'm going to make a bold statement, but in just the three seconds I've seen of Waka, he might be my new favorite. Sorry, Benzino. Just like Benzino has no neck, Waka is unable to open his eyes when talking…and when not talking. He looks like he's either in the throes of an awful allergy attack or he took one too many Tylenol PMs.
It's crossover time! Lil' Scrappy is out of rehab, done with Erica Dixon and kicking it with former Basketball Wives: LA star Bambi. Scrap loves that they can do it and then go shoot hoops. He wants to be exclusive, but he's not sure that he's totally in love. Bambi warns him that if he wants to keep her, he needs to sprint past the hos in his path without giving them a second glance. Scrappy takes a pull off his a asthma inhaler and wonders if jogging past the hos will do…
Speaking of Erica, she, Ariane, and Mimi are catching up over drinks. Ariane has a new lady and Erica has a new boo who is a model. Mimi has a new career as a porn star. It's new beginnings all around! The trio gossip about the rumors of Stevie and Joseline's marriage and mansion. Ariane and Erica ask Mimi if she would mind if they went to the joint birthday party to get the scoop. Mimi shocks her friends with the news that she is back with Nikko and making all kinds of sexy time videos. Her friends are appalled that she's trusting this loser.
Tammy, Rasheeda, and Waka's mom Deb (man, I LOVE when they showcase the moms! I hope she has beef with Momma Dee!) are lunching together to talk wedding plans. Deb announces that this is her wedding, and Tammy is lucky to be getting Waka out of the deal. When asked about Kirk, Rasheeda and Tammy discuss how perturbed they are with their partners past cheating as most women would complain about their husbands not putting down the toilet seat.
During dinner, Mimi is telling Nikko how safe she feels with him when he tells her he needs to talk to her. Nikko breaks the news that his camera was in his "stolen luggage" and their naked antics have made the way to the interwebs. A few fake tears later, Mimi is wondering what she's going to do about Stevie J, as he's obviously going to use this to show she's not a good mother. Um, I'd be more worried about my daughter than how my daughter's father would react, but then again, I'd never so much as let Nikko video me reading out the phonebook.
Momma Dee is hitting on a bartender while waiting to meet Scrappy and be introduced to Bambi. Will anyone every be good enough to live in the kingdom with her prince? Right off the bat, Dee accuses Bambi of being a whore who is using her son to get ahead. However, that's okay because Scrappy has more than one egg in his basket because he loves to
screw ladies eat eggs. Everyone is confused by her metaphors, but Dee doesn't mind. She just gets back to hitting on the bartender.
Father of the year is getting on Rasheeda's mom for kissing his baby on the mouth. He'd prefer that her old ass germs would stay far away from his newborn. Rasheeda's mother wonders how Kirk can go from wanting Rasheeda to have an abortion to protecting his baby from grandma's kisses. Whoa, he's not quite sure it's his baby, but he's planning to find out Maury style. The following day, Bambi pops in unexpectedly on Scrappy to see if he's eating eggs for breakfast, but instead of eggs she means "chicks" and instead of eating she means "banging." Scrappy is over insecure women, and he gets a bit squirrely when she demands to go through his phone. Oh hell no! Bambi just wants Scrappy to tell her he loves her, but he's not quite at that point. He is madly in "care" with her though. That would make for a great Facebook relationship status, don't you think?
Joseline describes her joint birthday party with Stevie as full of fun, liquor, and sex. Erica and Ariane are interrogating Joseline about her marriage to Stevie J, but she can't be bothered with Mimi's sidekicks. In the middle of the party, a stripper pole is delivered as a gift from Mimi, and Joseline quickly storms out of the party. Stevie can't believe that Joseline left him at the event, but at least he can catch a ride with Benzino to the strip club! Back at the White House, a very pissed Joseline is waiting on her husband in her finest lingerie. She hates Stevie's shenanigans. Her main complaint seems to be that Mimi's pole wasn't long enough to reach her high ceilings. They are in each other's faces, and I wish that VH1 would use subtitles at times like this.
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[Photo Credit: VH1]