Please accept my sincerest apology. I dropped the ball in a major way! How did I not know that my favorite new scripted show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta was on twice this week? Since the recap is already a day late, let's just dive right in to the insanity, shall we?
Joseline Hernandez goes to Stevie J.'s man cave to continue to nag him about Mimi Faust's friends being all up in their business. Does she just wander around in lingerie all the time? Seriously, the sets, the lighting, the costumes, the horrible acting–this is NOT reality television! Stevie ignores his bride while surfing the Internet, and lo and behold! He's just happens across the blog story that shares Mimi's "leaked" sex tape with Nikko. Talk about coincidence!
Next, I was literally about to give up on all things Mona Scott Young when I saw just how bad Karlie Redd's acting is until I learned that she is supposed to be acting because she's in a "movie" now called 30 Days in Atlanta. Someone call Sundance! Karlie is so thrilled to be in a relationship with Yung Joc. Not only is he younger and more successful than Benzino, he has a neck! Yung also doesn't like drama. She tap dances between making out with him and accusing him of cheating since he's wearing the same clothes she saw him in yesterday. Karlie thinks the best way to keep tabs on him is to for them to move in together. That is a GREAT idea!
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What a difference a few days makes. Mimi and Nikko have been invited to L.A. by Vivid to discuss the "stolen" sex tape. She's confused as to why Nikko doesn't seem nearly upset by this turn of events as she is. Um, really? Perhaps because this was his greasy plan all along? Mimi hems and haws about how she's not a porn star and how this news is just so shocking. Perhaps Mona should invest in some acting lessons for her cast. Mimi needs to learn the art of subtlety when doing such a emotional scene. And Nikko needs to learn a new facial expression that doesn't make him look like he's trying to divide large numbers in his head.
Lil' Scrappy is trying to make the "Blue Michelin Man" look happen. He has popped in on Momma Dee to ask her to stop telling Bambi how much he loves eggs. Now, Bambi's searching for eggs in his bed, his closet, his bathroom. Where is he hiding these side-chicks? Oh wow…eggs, chicks…the metaphor works all the way around. Scrappy loves Bambi as a person, and she's his only egg at the moment. He must have high cholesterol. Of course, Momma Dee knows what's best for her prince. He's an egg-cellent catch!
Kirk Frost is shopping for a new motorcycle since Rasheeda's mom ran over his in a fit of rage. He's shares with Benzino that his wife has cut him off from sex, and he needs to get it from somewhere. Benzino wishes that Kirk would just appreciate the what a good mother–and breadwinner!–Kirk has in a wife, and he should just be thankful for what he has. Turns out that Kirk is just as douchey as last season because he goes off on tangent about Karter doesn't even look like his son. Benzino wonders if he has plans to appear on Maury. Heck no! Kirk wants to swab the infant in secret. Benzino gets excited because he's seen these paternity tests at the drug store! What a fun shopping day for these fellas!
Upon arriving at Vivid, Mimi asks CEO Steven Hirsch about how they came up her private video. Steven's all "Golly gee, ma'am, I'd really like to tell you, but
Nikko the thief has signed a non-disclosure agreement. Let's not bother your pretty, little head with such worries anyway. Let's talk about how much we'll pay you to put your name on it." Mimi's crying about her daughter, but Steven reminds her that lots of porn stars have kids. Nikko wants to see if he's got this straight…either he and Mimi make money off the tape or Vivid releases the tape without their consent and they make zero dollars. Mimi is floored that Vivid would expect her to actually promote the movie! She starts to question if Nikko has any clue about how the tape made its way to Vivid. He doesn't have a clue. No really, he looks clueless in life. Don't get me wrong, he totally made this happen (I think they both did) on purpose, but he has not one single clue. What's 45094598 divided by 256?
Erica Dixon and Scrappy haven't really spoken since she broke off the engagement, and she doesn't want things to be awkward. She's happy and moved on, but she wonders if he's doing the same. Apparently, Scrappy has been texting her telling her he's willing to wait on her. He wonders if she's in love. When Erica says she believes she is falling in love, Scrappy reveals that a it's hard to hear that she's moved on from him, but he's truly happy she's happy. Erica admits that she wants the same for him. It's clear that these two really only get along when they aren't in a relationship, but when I see how sweet they are to one another, I so want these crazy kids to work! Erica wonders if he'd be interested in meeting her new man. HELL-IZ-NIGH-EE NO!
Yung Joc is conducting a business meeting at a strip club. He's clearly forgotten that his girlfriend is bat-shiz and should really make money off her private eye skills. Karlie surprises him at the club to find him licking another woman. She starts interrogating him about smelling like perfume and the fact that his little Joc reeks of skank. He laughs at her accusations. If he was cheating, wouldn't he at least shower? He is attracted to her special brand of crazy and finds it humorous that her answer to his suspected infidelities is to live together. Joc surprises her with the news that he's going to be closing on a house for the two of them soon. Karlie is so excited that she only gets a little mad when he blatantly stares at a stripper's ass while she kisses him.
Keeping his options open, Scrappy decides to meet his home girl Erica Pena for drinks. She's giving him advice on Bambi which is basically that Scrappy needs to worry about Scrappy first. Scrappy thinks Erica is cool as hell because they've both been through the same shiz-nigh-ee. These two are clearly doing the diz-nigh-eed and Scrappy can't even pretend they're not. Across town, Mimi is having a girls' night with Ariane and the original Erica. Erica and Ariane are filling in Mimi on Joseline's inability to remember her wedding date and storming out of her own birthday party. Erica wants to know what was up with Mimi and Nikko's nekkid video stills. Mimi shares that she and Nikko are likely the next Ray-J and Kim. Yeah, no. Ariane rolls her eyes. Nikko has turned her friend into a porn star. She tries to convince Mimi that Nikko has manipulated the entire situation. Mimi hopes they will keep this secret from Stevie because she apparently assumes that Stevie doesn't have access to the world wide web.
Keeping it as classy as always, Kirk tries to explain why he is secretly swabbing his son for a paternity test. No, he no evidence that Rasheeda cheated, but he sees the way guys looks at her because she's so hot. He thinks that she's probably succumbed to temptation before. Wait, Kirk, I think you're actually describing yourself (minus the hot part). Also, he's dark skinned, and Karter is light-skinned like Rasheeda. In fact, people always comment that the baby is the spitting image of Rasheeda. Well, now I'm convinced! The baby looks just like his mother–she must have cheated! Really Kirk? You can't even make up a dude other than yourself that the kid resembles? That at least would make your case a bit stronger! Hell, just say, "Well, Karter is really lacking in the neck department so there's a possibility he's actually Zino's kid. That's why I must swab him now!" Call me, Mona. I'll script this much better than your current writers.
Curses! Stevie asks Mimi to meet for lunch. He's clearly been somewhere with wi-fi and seen the pictures. She congratulates Stevie on his marriage to Joseline, and he returns the favor regarding her new career. Mimi continues to poke at Stevie about Joseline, but he doesn't find her antics funny. He notices that the pictures are blurry and wonders aloud if they could be from some sort of sex video. He threatens to use all his means to get full custody of the couple's daughter, and I think he even threatens to sic Joseline on Mimi, but I can't be sure. Again, I need subtitles! Stevie decides to track down Nikko in a dark alley, and Nikko brags that they've sold the tape for a lot of paper. A lot of bald, slow, white men intervene before they can rumble. Nikko jumps a fence to kick Stevie in the face…kind of. A white Benzino (seriously, he's Zino's neck twin!) manages to pull Stevie out of the way at the last second. This is the most amazing show ever.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF WEDNESDAY'S EPISODE? WHO IS THE BEST ACTOR AMONG THE CAST?
[Photo Credit: VH1]