Last night on Ladies of London, the Fourth of July was celebrated and the fireworks were not in the sky!
Marissa Hermer is becoming a British citizen after five years of living in London. To celebrate her last summer as an official American, she's throwing a Fourth of July party – which is an annual tradition. Marissa gives us a long spiel about her party-planning/PR expertise and expects us to believe she's an integral part of her husband's success instead of some sort of glorified trophy wife struggling to make the perfect cuppa. Juliet Angus will be co-hosting with Marissa as part of the American invasion posse. Unfortunately Juliet is as much a flake as she is an attention-seeker so she's all about the fame, and not about planning.
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Marissa and hubby Matt sit down to test 'American' foods for the party. It includes the classics like strawberry shortcake, whipped cream, sliders – fancy renditions on boring crap. It did not include my American classics of fried chicken, whiskey or a Budweiser beer bong. And they definitely left out the most American food of all: hot dogs! c'mon girl – don't try to posh it up for your idol Caroline Stanbury.
Juliet and Marissa invite the entire crew. Caprice Bourret finds time in her busy schedule of reading about herself in the tabloids, talking about how important she is with her publicist, and marveling at her own greatness to accept the invitation. Apparently her cockroach dress from the Serpentine event was the top photo on The Daily Mail and now Caprice is winning at life. She brags about beating out super models – and Caroline – and says this will sell more bras.
Apparently Caprice was worried that being pregnant would hurt her brand since her brand is being attractive. Couple things 1) then stop getting such crappy plastic surgery 2) don't wear hideous dresses with sequined roaches on them. Furthermore, I'm pretty sure Caprice was the top photo because she had the ugliest dress and everyone was trying to figure out why the hell she wore that.
Caprice annoys me - she's insufferable and self-obsessed. She's like the British Kim Kardashian!
Caroline also loves her life, but not because people want to put photos of her roaches in their magazines. It's cause she's rich enough to hire someone to procure out-of-production candy and sort it by flavor into different bowls on her desk. All while someone else does a pedicure for her and another person brings her vintage Cartier bracelets to peruse. All in a days work! Strangely Caroline doesn't annoy me. I think it's the fabulous wardrobe and the fact that she's oddly humble-seeming.
In preparation for Marissa's party Caroline instructs her makeup artist to make her look American (push-up bra and big hair?), while pointing out the irony of celebrating a war the British loss.
Annabelle Neilson has tea with her grandma and goes through her complicated legacy of British aristocracy. She, like Caroline, has posh roots, but unlike Caroline, is more interested in her bohemian side. After that she wears all black because she is not celebrating the Brit's loss to the Americans, she's mourning it as if it's a funeral. But just think Annabelle, if the Brits had won – you'd have custody of Juliet and nobody wants that!
On the day of the party Noelle Reno shows up wearing various sofa cushions refashioned into a dress (Scot has millions to hide and girl's on a budget), but her attention-seeking outfit cannot beat Juliet's! Juliet wears "expensive" Chris Benz cutoffs (why didn't she buy them from Abercrombie like a real American – traitor!) and a shirt that looks like it's held together with masking tape and could double as a straight jacket. "You paid money for those?" Caroline scoffs. For someone who works in fashion PR, Juliet desperately needs a stylist. Marissa dressed like it was her Jr. League coronation. And in one scene she had a bun that was literally bigger than her head – or Caprice's ego!
Marissa is serving daiquiris and wine spritzers, but no PBR in a can. Caroline wears jeans and a blue shirt because that's her 'American get-up' and Caprice pries herself away from looking at her own image in on the tabloids to arrive late. Everyone is surprised to see Annabelle, who was probably reminded of her contractual obligations by producers.
Annabelle is surly from the get-go, something that is not helped by Juliet attempting to make conversation with her while she's talking to an old family friend about horse riding. Juliet keeps yammering at full American speed about doing power yoga to rap music and it'll change your life. After telling her like six times to calm down, Annabelle finally just tells her to shut-up. Juliet is shocked by what a rude, uptight biatch Annabelle is being.
Look Juliet is beyond annoying and tacky. She's everything people do not like about Americans in theory. Caroline appreciates her for just that – she's willing to be a laughingstock and she's good entertainment at an otherwise dull party. But Annabelle isn't able to see the humor in the situation and takes it too seriously. And she is being rude. What happened to those British manners? Naturally Juliet bursts into song by singing the Star Spangled Banner off-key to the entire crowd. Girl is really working hard for this reality TV notoriety.
Things come to head when Juliet's friend, a lingerie designer, plots to get her 15 minutes by bringing Juliet underwear as a gift. Juliet whips them out in front of everyone and ask who has a big ass and wants to try them on? Annabelle storms out because she's disgusted by the gauche behavior. Maybe I'm too American but I fail to understand what's so appalling about showing off gifted underwear (not even scandalous underwear) at a private party.
Outside, Annabelle complains to Caroline about Juliet's tackiness while chain smoking. Juliet, now drunk on wine spritzers, comes out and they argue about who is more rude and more worthless. It was nonsense; back and forth tit-for-tat. Juliet can't believe Annabelle stormed out without saying goodbye, which perfectly illustrates how worthless Annabelle finds Juliet. Personally, I think she majorly regrets doing the show and is taking it out on Juliet. Juliet goes back inside where she whines about the situation to the group. Meanwhile Annabelle grabs a cab to leave.
When Caprice learns Annabelle is leaving she literally chases her down the street begging her to stay. Back inside Caprice lectures Juliet about how she's over-bearing and dominant: personality traits that do not bode well with the Brits.
Caroline is still bemused by the entire situation and everyone behaving obnoxiously. She continues to manipulate Juliet into acting ridiculous and even claims she wants a pair of Juliet's gifted knickers. Juliet is overjoyed and Marissa is levitating with glee at being accepted by Caroline. However Caprice is disgusted that Caroline stayed at the party after Annabelle's departure and didn't come to Annabelle's defense to Juliet. Caroline finds Caprice's behavior, from her tabloid courting, to her selling herself out for money, to her overly dogged displays of affection pathetic and classless.
Next week, Caprice and Caroline's friendship dismantles.
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
TELL US – WHO WAS OUT OF LINE: JULIET OR ANNABELLE? SHOULD CAROLINE HAVE DEFENDED ANNABELLE TO JULIET?