I mean, I don’t know if it’s healthy to have back-to-back nights of any VH1 reunion, but last night’s conclusion to Love & Hip Hop Hollywood left me feeling especially brain dead. Nana seems a bit spent after her twerking shenanigans. Mally Mal is on the stage, and he thinks Masika is a cool chick, but Berg is going to learn soon enough that she’s always after the next best thing. When I close my eyes, Mal’s voice belongs to someone who looks like he could be a character on The Big Bang Theory, not this big guy with the girlishly tweezed eyebrows. Berg warns Uncle Fester to stop talking about him, and Mally puts on his shades and takes off his jacket. It’s the equivalent of a Basketball Wife taking off her heels before going bat shiz cray. Mal and Masika argue over who was using who (whom?) to get on the show. Berg reminds Nikki that he’s the one who got her on the franchise. Masika then reveals that Mally Mal is still in contact with her.
Thankfully we move onto a more sane story line…and that says a lot given it revolves around Fizz, Moniece and Amanda. Moniece, as calm and composed as she is, is clearly certifiable…and stunningly gorgeous. I love that she’s the most well-spoken person on the show, as well as the craziest. As annoying Amanda tries to explain her behavior, Moniece spouts off a list of her amazing qualities and receives a round of applause from her co-stars. Game, set, match…Moniece. Mona revisits Amanda’s infidelities, and Amanda admits that she fell in love with someone else (the other man) after she broke up with Fizz. Fizz reminds her that they didn’t “break up,” he left her sarong-wearing azz. Dear VH1, please don’t make me watch Nikki trying to eat Fizz’ face again. They’re just friends, y’all. #fakerelationshipbymona
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Apryl and Omarion’s journey is highlighted, from Apryl’s issues with Omarion’s mom Leslie to the birth of the couple’s son Mega. Finally, the most normal people on the show! Omarion is absolutely adorable, and Leslie shares that all is good in her relationship with Apryl. Mona questions Omarion as to whether he took care of the turtleneck situation happening in his pants. He reveals that he did get circumcised, and he asks Mona if she’d like to see for herself when she brings up a recently snipped naked selfie of Omarion making the rounds of the Internet. Omarion, Apryl, and Leslie swear it isn’t him…and I guess they’d know best!
Because there is no cohesion with this reunion, we’re back with Ray-J, Morgan, and Princess. We watch the demise of Morgan and Ray’s friendship/working relationship play out over the season. Mona wonders why Ray expects Morgan to cut ties with all of his exes just because he breaks up with them. The trio argue over whether Morgan was stirring the pot regarding jealousy brewing with Princess and Ray or if she was simply trying to keep the peace by proactively telling Princess what she could expect from Ray’s scenes. I honestly think it was probably a combination of both, with good intentions on Morgan’s part. Ray’s anger management isn’t working, and he’s clearly trying to talk over Morgan so she won’t say whatever she’s trying to say. Nikki then gets involved with a lot of clown make-up head bobbing and chin thrusting. Nikkii is a joke…well, then again, they all are. Next, Princess tries to explain her side of the story before Ray sics her on Morgan as if she’s a dog and not his girlfriend. I’m impressed…it’s the first time any contact has been made on the reunion. Apparently the longer the reunion lasts, the slower security becomes.
Clearly this reunion has been spliced and edited up the wazoo, because when it returns from a commercial break, a very composed Mona (who was just in the center of that brawl) is droning on about Berg’s myriad of jump-offs. I had totally forgotten about his pentagon of ladies. Berg jokes that he’s not necessarily sexing up every woman in the pentagon. For example, he and Teairra have a great chemistry that allows them to joke and pal around. She could be Tuesday. Ray interrupts to ask just how friendly they are, to which Teairra snaps, “Why do you care?” Could this be the catalyst to his alleged assault against Masika later that night? Berg admits that he and Teairra had a physical relationship. She calls him a liar, claiming they just kissed. Berg retorts that Teairra performed oral sex on him, and he has text messages and video of her masturbating that she sent him. Masika pipes in that she has no issues with Teairra, but she did see all the messages between the two. Berg tells Mona that Teairra is great at both music and head, and I think Teairra almost took flight she hopped of the sofa so quickly. Fortunately (unfortunately?), she’s twarted by security. The irony isn’t lost on Hazel that all the girls who warned her against Berg are now fighting over him.
Okay, Mona needs to find some better editors. She’s chatting up Soulja Boy and Nia while a very calm Morgan looks on passively from the audience. I just saw footage of her beating the shiz out of her dressing room door, so I’m doubting she recovered that quickly from her rage. Soulja and Nia discuss the immaturity in their relationship and how Soulja shows his anger by blocking her on social media. Soulja also admits to being hurt that Nia never told him that Teddy Riley isn’t her biological father. He had to find out on the Internet of all places! Regardless of their snafus, the couple asserts that things are good between them…for now at least! With four minute left in the show, we’re treated to the same domestic violence PSA as Monday evening.
Mona polls the ladies to see who has had what plastic surgery. Moniece has had fat injected into her butt and some face fillers, and Teairra has had her nose done. Masika claims to have only had her boobs done and lip injections, and Nikki tries to fool us all by saying she just had her nose and breasts enhanced. Um, sure. Hazel has had an entire slew of injections, and Mona treats us to some before and after pictures. Fizz admits that he doesn’t care about surgery as long as a woman has confidence. Masika quips that she has heels higher than Nikki’s self-esteem. And that’s it. Wait, what? What happened to the teaser of Hazel sobbing backstage because Teairra hooked up with Berg? Where is the footage of Morgan giving her dressing room a beat down? Mona, Mona, Mona…I expected more from you.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE SECOND HALF OF THE REUNION? WAS IT AS DISJOINTED FOR YOU AS IT SEEMED TO ME?
[Photo Credit: VH1]