Last night on Real Housewives Of New York tears were cried, laughs were laughed, and friendships formed in the most unlikely of circumstances. It was nice.
Carole Radziwill and Dorinda Medley have arrived in London and their hotel rooms are enormous. Also, Dorinda has suddenly become “Doris,” but pleasantly she’s swapped aggressive martini-fueled meltdowns for good-natured girl talk and tea.
Carole visits the church temporarily holding Anthony’s ashes. It’s been 15-years since Carole has seen the urn bearing her late husband’s remains and she’s understandably anxious. The church: small, quaint and modern, is quite different from the place where Anthony was originally interned. Carole shares that her late husband was the ultimate practical joker and the traveling urn with Carole receiving the email that it was moved would have made him laugh. That’s a poignant and fun touch.
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Carole and the priest discuss how she has wishes for just one more day with Anthony. In all their belief that he would beat cancer, they never discussed what to do in the aftermath. It was heart-wrenching to hear Carole describe her life as she imagined it would have been had Anthony survived; to hear her talk of having children and seeing their beautiful wedding photos, in which she looks so young, it’s clear that Carole loved Anthony very deeply and still does. What remains indeed.
When the priest hands Carole the urn she is surprised – genuinely – because she didn’t remember it being so beautiful. As she leaves the church she and the priest awkwardly embrace. “I’m not a hugger,” she admits. As they jostle through the clumsy hug it’s a good thing Carole didn’t drop the urn – talk about the ultimate practical joke!
In the car and back at the hotel, Carole relives moments from her life she hadn’t thought of in years. This happens through a pair of Beats Headphones, turning the moment into a dorky white girl version of a Dr. Dre commercial. Carole hits the wine and lies down on the bed to cry, while resting her hand on the urn.
Dorinda checks in on Carole and and has ordered tea. The two widows, who barely knew each other before the trip, find they have so much in common as they rehash the last days with their husbands, both who passed after battling long illnesses. Dorinda confesses that although Richard’s health issues were never a burden, she was relieved when he passed because there was finally resolution. Both women confessed to never sleeping restfully while their husbands were sick for fear of losing them in the middle of the night. It was heartbreaking hearing their stories, but incredibly moving to watch them realize they had truly found a kindred spirit.
Dorinda shared that after Richard died she couldn’t wait to leave the hospital and found herself waiting in the taxi queue, with all the “normal” people who were just living ordinary days, unable to get a cab. Carole had a similar experience and recounts how it took her days to accept that Anthony would never be returning to their home. Carole, speaking to Dorinda about these moments, is the most relaxed, earnest, and least-contrived I’ve seen her all season – I’ve missed this Carole – the poignant, wise, and sobering force behind RHONY. Carole herself admits that she told Dorinda things about her life and Anthony’s passing she’s never even told family or close friends because of the unique bond she and Dorinda found they share.
Back in NYC, speaking of unique bonds, Ramona Singer is at Sonja Morgan‘s house of crumbling delusions to learn the ropes of being a single gal. But first they are greeted by new intern Raquel who is earning college credits in serving aging socialites wine. Albeit Raquel puts pinot in a champagne glass, so 2 points deducted from the final exam. It turns out Ramona has become one of Sonja’s interns too – we’ll nickname this one “Pinot” – and her first lesson is in the etiquette of conducting the vacation one-night stand. “They call it sex on the beach for a reason – you leave the hook up and the sex ON THE BEACH,” Sonja lectures. Surely this information is worthy of at least a Human Sexuality credit?
Ramona, however, is not one to absorb information readily. She needs flashcards and a study group. Also probably print outs of the power-points. When it comes to Turks and Caicos, Ramona is all deflection and lies, per the usual. She states emphatically that Luann de Lesseps knew her hookup was married, but didn’t care. Then Ramona insists she didn’t do any hooking up with hers – she was only the “wing woman” for Luann. Ramona never pinot-goggled – she put her guy to bed and then went to sleep herself. Sonja is like, “I hear you… and I don’t believe you for one hot turtle timing second!”
Then! there is a knock at the door – it’s the ghosts of one night stands past and Ramona nearly pees in her spanx! Just kidding – it’s actually two guys holding roses and bottles of Skinnygirl wine to invite Sonja and Ramona to some Skinnygirl Valentine’s Day party Bethenny Frankel is throwing to launch a new Skinnygirl product. Yes, more Skinnygirl – blah, blah, blah… I personally don’t know what she was even promoting except for Ramona’s Desperately Single Status.
Back in London Carole and Doris are reinvigorated and do a little shopping. Over sweaters and gorgeous leather jackets (Dorinda’s – I want!) they discuss Luann and Heather Thomson. Carole seems to think things are all right with Luann although she’s perplexed about why Luann was so distraught that they barged into her room. Carole reminds us of the irony, that at one point in time – actually during the groups S5 trip to London – Luann actually barged into CAROLE’S room while she was sleeping. And Carole was annoyed. So, the gist is – people don’t like other people (particularly those who come accessorized with camera crews) barging into their hotel rooms. Makes sense to me!
Carole also theorizes that Luann has multiple personalities: The Countess, who everyone detests and Luann, whom Carole likes. She thinks the Countess is constantly at war to overtake Luann and in some instances succeeds in kidnapping her. Personally this sounds like the most amazing Lifetime Movie ever – Cool Lu being held hostage by her other personality The Countess who forces her to scrabble through a life of fraudulent grandeur. Carole should abandon her third book and start writing this script ASAP (Or maybe I will! (DIBS!)).
Dorinda believes, whether people want to admit it or not, Luann has not led an ordinary American life and those experiences have shaped her natural elegance. Of course Dorinda has also not lived a normal American’s life – she spent 10 years in London while married to her first husband (Hannah’s father) and had a whole community of close friends there. Since Richard’s death she hasn’t returned, because it’s too odd to face those who knew her then. Carole and Dorinda host a cocktail party for their London friends and Dorinda’s pals include the British What Not To Wear Host Trinny Woodall – Dorinda needs to contract Trinny’s services for Ramona, who needs a makeover immediately. What not to wear: MACRAMÉ!
Carole’s British friends include a coterie of young men in the flush of youth and promise. Suitably Carole is wearing cocktail overalls with a giant fur chubby. Oh dearie me… and here I thought we were making progress.
Also not making progress is Bethenny who is on a mission to get Ramona hooked up at her Skinnygirl bash, but Ramona is unimpressed by the potential paramours. She pans their youth, beauty, and dubious financial standings. She dismisses one as only a bartender. Ramona would only stoop to dating sommeliers!
Kristen Taekman and Bethenny connect over Ramona’s sheer ineptitude from wardrobe to awkward flirting. These two may not get along, but they’ll always have Ramona…
Bethenny, verklempt, explodes about how she is not a madame responsible for the sexual healing of Ramona Singer. Although I fear this is the precursor to some sort of Skinnygirl Dating App that Bethenny will be launching in combination with a new line of sex toys or female condoms or Kama Sutra cards.
After Ramona roto-rooters a cocktail shaker, giving petrifying glimpses of possible Pinot bedroom behavior, the hot guys scatter for the hills – fleeing as far Yonkers, possibly Quogue. Then Ramona leaves – there are no hot guys! – but luckily Sonja and Luann arrive to get the party started. And Sonja, as it is well-known is far less discriminating. Sonja came prepared – with a smokey eye and an updo – mama ain’t too proud to mingle with the bartenders of the world!
On the dance floor, Sonja breaks a tooth ripping a guy’s cufflink off. Bethenny, hearing of the story, laughs so hard her boob pops out of her jumpsuit and she flashes nipple. Sonja isn’t worried about her tooth – Team Sonja has veterinarians who will fix it for her. And that explains why Sonja Morgan has so many dental issues…
Back in London, Carole and Doris are reflecting on a great trip. Doris, with her boobs popping out of her too-tight designer looks delightfully like Patsy from AbFab, decides she needs one more drink to close the night down. And then it’s back to the grind of NYC where the Skinnygirls are snarling and Ramona’s vagina has a bounty on it and the ladies are placing bets on who can get her laid first (didn’t Luann already win that one?).
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[Photo Credits: Bravo]