This week’s episode of Shahs of Sunset shows the start of fences being mended and bridges being burned. Reza Farahan is ready to start forgiving Mike Shouhed but his patience is wearing thin with Mercedes “MJ” Javid and her loose lips with his boyfriend, Adam Neely.
MJ is not in the forgiving mood when it comes to Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi, who is almost in the NFL (No Friends Left) zone if it weren’t for Shervin Roohparvar. MJ has more important things to worry about, like the virility of beau Tommy Feight’s sperm. Asa Soltan Rahmati, never one to miss out on an opportunity to spend pointless amounts of money and energy on priestess-y things, prepares for the secret wedding of Reza and Adam, who still has no idea he is going to be getting surprise married soon.
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In order to start putting the pieces of friendship back together, Mike and his knit beanie (despite warm LA t-shirt weather) meet Reza for cigars and some man-to-man talking. Mike reflects on how it took him a lot of soul searching to realize that they needed to just sit down and talk. OK, how much soul searching could that have possibly taken? Stick to the soles of your shoe business if that is as deep as you can go, Mike.
Reza came fresh from his haircut appointment with Kim Jong-un’s stylist. Seriously, when did the Korean dictator look become a trendy hairstyle? Reza admits the day things went downhill was when they started working together and it was one of the biggest mistakes he ever made. Instead of sliming his way out of everything like he normally does, Mike puts on his big boy beanie and admits fault, taking all of the blame. He says he’s tired of half-a**ing his way through life and doesn’t want to keep getting by through his charm. Jessica Parido, are you listening? With that, these two decide to bury the hatchet and Mike says he’s going to invite everyone over for Shabbat dinner.
GG and her one remaining friend who can tolerate her debauchery, Shervin, go to get her stitches out on her hand.
GG recently had surgery for rheumatoid arthritis but had enough mobility in that bandaged hand to hold plenty of drinks and swipe her credit card to buy that gaudy Chanel hand warmer she is wearing, presumably to cover up her bandage. GG brags that she took “anti-psycho meds” in preparation to get her stitches out. Why can’t she take those whenever she goes out in a public setting? I know why, because they don’t work – the moment GG removes her Chanel half-mitten and the doctor starts to work on her little paw, we are treated to a barrage of F bombs and poetic descriptions of her pain such as, “It feels like my vagina is being pulled through my fingers” and “my a** is sweating.” Meanwhile, she is wearing some kind of plastic pleather romper – of course she is sweating. I don’t know how many Hefty bags had to die for that outfit but it certainly isn’t the appropriate attire to get stitches ripped out of your hand with failing anti-psycho meds.
From one foul mouthed moment to the next, we join MJ and boyfriend, Tommy, the sweet prince who will hopefully be fertilizing her eggs. Tommy brags that when MJ was at the fertility doctor, her uterus was deemed a “f***ing showroom uterus.” Hold on, Andrew Dice Clay, are we talking show room like MJ’s make shift closet for her overflow of bags and shoes? Because if it’s that kind of show room, consider me not impressed. The talk gets as serious as it could for these two uncouth love birds as they discuss their future children. MJ says the baby would probably be very smart and funny. I hope they don’t inherit Tommy’s toilet vocabulary. MJ insists that Tommy get his swimmers checked out to ensure they can even have tiny, big boobied babies with toilet vocabulary, when they are ready.
In preparation for Tommy’s big day at the fertility doctor, Reza comes over to help MJ shoot material in what appears to be a very broke down version of a porno set. MJ clearly put a lot of thought into this photo shoot as demonstrated by the TV dinner tables piled high with sensual goodies like, whipped cream, a cucumber, bananas and……a bottle of Coke Zero. Reza puts whipped cream and cherries on her chest and takes pics. I had to avert my eyes at this point. MJ looks just as dazed as an overworked porn star as he takes pics of her eating a banana. Somewhere out there, Farrah Abraham is furiously taking notes and I desperately need a shower.
On to Asa and her road raging, curse word dropping Mom. They go shopping for big crystal brooches, what else? Apparently, being ordained online to marry people requires the purchase of a gold turban that has a bunch of religious symbols hot glue gunned to it for extra credibility. While Asa picks out a bunch of plastic Buddhas and crystals, all for the bargain price of $2.74 a pop, she muses about how she doesn’t want MJ to ruin Reza and Adam’s wedding with her negativity about it being a surprise. Have I mentioned that Adam still doesn’t know all of this wedding planning is going on behind his back, for HIS OWN wedding? OK, just making sure we are all aware of that.
MJ and GG meet for dinner to hopefully make amends, and thankfully, GG has left her Chanel hand sleeve at home. GG is wishing she left herself at home the second she finds out that MJ brought her to a restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol. She fumbles around for what she could possibly drink and settles on water. MJ starts by telling GG she has a busy life juggling family and a boyfriend, who she spends every day with. GG complains about MJ’s choice in men and how MJ bristles at the “backdoor”
teen mom way of saying she has a crappy boyfriend. MJ accuses GG of saying something that Vida would say and I got scared for a second that if MJ said her name two more times, Vida would appear to insult them. Even without alcohol, things escalate quickly because you know, GG. MJ walks off and GG uses the “girl, bye” line for maybe the fifth time this season.
MJ and Tommy show up at the fertility clinic, MJ sporting some serious dark roots and Tommy sporting his disgusting humor. The fertility doc is unimpressed by both of them. In fact, he looks downright annoyed. He even tries his best to kick them out because Tommy Dice Clay’s “rubbing one out” was too recent to take a sample but I think we know the real reason – Doctor Fertility doesn’t want to deal with this guy any more than we do. Begrudgingly, the doctor allows Tommy to submit his sample today and Tommy jokes about whether or not he can take his shirt off to do it. MJ uses her blue talon nails to flip through her broke down porno shoot pics and send them to Tommy. A few minutes tick by and we are made aware of Tommy’s successful finish when he yells through the door “Yahtzee!” Great, now I need another shower.
Reza and Adam are getting ready for Mike’s dinner and Reza contemplates wearing another shirt from the Hamburglar spring collection. Reza has been sensing that Adam isn’t on the same page and wants to get to the bottom of it. Adam brings up his talk with MJ, and suddenly, it turns into him thinking she was throwing shade. Reza is connecting the crooked weave and tequila dots back to MJ and he’s not happy at how she’s impacting his relationship.
Over at Mike and Jessica’s house, Jessica is slaving away cooking Shabbat dinner, wearing plastic gloves like she’s in a soup kitchen. Mike hoovers close by, saying how lucky he is that his wife cooks amazing Persian food. Oh Mike, if only that was enough to keep your golden dool in your pants.
The party is about to start and Jessica has put out quite the spread.
Asifa Mirza and Bobby Panahi show up (ugh, again??) and it doesn’t take long for the GG bashing to start. Leading the charge is Asifa, who is still whining about cake being thrown on her $3K dress. As everyone jumps in with how GG needs helps, Shervin awkwardly sips water and stays silent. As Reza urges Asifa to make things right with GG, Mike gets upset because he doesn’t feel like talking about
his one night stand this anymore. The one who ends up shutting it all down is Jessica, who finally loses her ish and tells anyone who can’t leave the past in the past can get out. Finally, Jessica stands up for herself without Mike’s intervention.
Since that drama is over, Reza decides now would be a great time to confront MJ about affecting his relationship with Adam. Even though Reza picked a spot less than two feet away from the dinner table where Adam sits, he gets mad when MJ responds to his confrontation and Adam hears something is up that involves him. Instead of being able to talk to his boyfriend about what they actually discussed (bamboozling Adam into marrying him in Palm Springs), Reza has to make up a lie and throw MJ under the bus to Adam by saying she doesn’t want them to buy a house.
MJ uses that lull in the conversation to tell Mike, Jessica, and Shervin about the secret wedding to which Shervin waits all of 3 seconds to come back and tell Reza what he just learned. Reza connects the dots again and realizes it’s MJ telling his secret. That’s some fine detective work there, Reza. It was more than a little obvious how Shervin found out.
Mike decides he’s had enough drama and he wants to break bread with everyone to get down to the spiritual part of the evening. Time to chow down and leave the drama for another day, which, knowing the Shahs, will probably be tomorrow.
TELL US – DO YOU THINK MJ AND TOMMY WILL GET MARRIED? WHO IS THE BIGGEST SH-T STIRRER ON SHAHS OF SUNSET?
Photo Credit: Bravo