90 Day Fiance recap

On this season of 90 Day Fiance, it’s come down to this: Who can save themselves, and who cannot. Whereas in seasons past, we’ve seen a pretty balanced mix of true love stories (remember Amy and Danny?) and totally deranged psychopaths trapping young wives into servitude (hello, Mark and Nikki!), this season seems to be offering up one big ole’ sloppy mess of singles who travel the globe with the express purpose of making bad decisions.

Case in point: Nicole and Azan, who are still in Morocco “getting to know” one another. This week, this task involves camels. And physical exertion. Two things Nicole is decidedly not a fan of!

Before we get to recapping last night’s episode, it’s worth mentioning that 90 DF spoilers have been popping up all over the place this week about who makes it down the aisle and who calls it quits. Like all spoilers, they aren’t 100% accurate, as they’re mostly based on social media posts and viewer conjecture. However, if they are even partially true, some of these people actually come to their senses and get out of their doomed engagements. Maybe all hope is not lost for these confused souls!

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After arguing with Azan about his cultural boundaries, Nicole is having a nice pout. But she’s supposed to spend quality time with his family now, so she takes her pout inside his family’s home, where she plants herself on the floor like a grumpy baby with a dirty diaper. Azan comes in to join a family discussion about Nicole not respecting his culture. “I’m not asking you to kiss me in public or anything!” whines a ridiculous Nicole, but his family reminds her that public displays of affection are frowned upon. Plus, Azan is accepting of Nicole’s culture – which amounts to entitlement and french fries – so she needs to reciprocate.

Nicole claims she’s willing to be more understanding. Something tells me that her resolve will last about as long as Azan’s ability to fake his deep, abiding love for her. Or, about 10 minutes.

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In Atlanta, Chantel and Pedro are still living a lie. So, Chantel goes wedding dress shopping with her friend Gege instead of confessing the truth to her family! Solid plan. Reality sets in as Chantel imagines her wedding – with no wedding guests there. Because NO ONE KNOWS she is engaged! When is this chick going to wake up and smell the 90-day clock ticking? She resolves to tell her mom the truth. But when?

In PA, Narkyia and Lowo still haven’t spoken. She can’t get a hold of her catfishing fiance, which suddenly strikes her as a red flag. She finally does manage to get his a$$ on the phone, but when questioned, Lowo is full of super believable excuses like “I lost my phone.” Then his story morphs into “someone stole my phone.” Narkyia has no way to fact check anything this dude says. But what if he’s lying again, she wonders? What if he’s not the person he says he is? Um, deep thoughts by Narkyia.

Speaking of deep, the dead-eyed Anfisa is enjoying doing nothing all day in her new apartment that Jorge scored for them. Is she looking forward to getting married? the producer asks her in an interview. “Meh” is basically her answer. She is looking forward to receiving a monthly allowance of $10 grand from Jorge per month, and a $45k wedding dress, which she tries on later that day. “Whatever makes you happy,” saps Jorge, who knows full well he is not capable of affording this woman for hire. But she did reluctantly boil noodles for him last week. Thus, totally worth it!

“I deserve expensive things that make me look beautiful,” says Anfisa. So seeing Jorge’s reluctance to buy her the $45k dress is not pleasing to her. She wonders why she came this whole way for Jorge, who told her he’d give her “everything” she wanted, if he’s not ready to make good on that promise? Jorge admits it’s hard to keep up with her expensive tastes. She basically calls him stupid and shuts his complaining down with more threats to return to Russia if he doesn’t deliver. Bottom line: Jorge has been warned again and again. She is playing it straight with him, but Jorge seems to think somehow, some way, that she will change.

Meanwhile, Pedro is back in Georgia wondering when the hell he and Chantel are going to tell her family that they’re getting married??? Chantel has set up poor Pedro for total failure by lying to her family, and he also seems to understand this. He has no chance of winning them over now, even though that is his greatest hope.

Chantel’s father comes over to work out with Pedro and get to know him better. They banter a bit, but talk turns serious when dad asks Pedro what his intentions are. Pedro is cornered, but does admit he loves Chantel. He can’t admit the total truth to dad yet though, still sticking to the lie that he’s only here to “date” Chantel and go to school. “Do you plan on marrying Chantel?” asks dad. Pedro sidesteps by claiming he doesn’t understand the question.

Well, this conversation could not be more awkward, as Chantel’s dad seems to understand that there’s clearly something deeper going on here. He sees red flags everywhere. But he’ll just have to wait until his daughter confesses the truth before he can actually act on his instincts.

In Kentucky, Matt and Alla are going wedding gown shopping. Max is along for the ride, busying himself in the play area while Alla stops to take a peek at the rings first. She and Matt chat with the salesman, who gathers that this isn’t the couple’s first marriage. But considering it’s Matt’s fourth, he hopes it’s his last! Matt basically needs a hole-punch rewards card at this wedding shop, as he’s their best customer. Alla seems unfazed, choosing a modest ring and staying upbeat despite it all.

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Back in Morocco, Azan has planned an overnight camping trip in the desert for Nicole. He’s got camel rides organized, along with a “big surprise” of dropping her off there, then driving away. Nicole manages to stay on the camel without complaining, but is nervous about being in the desert at night. Where’s the flat sand? Where’s the AC?! She is out of her element. But she does appreciate the stars. Better to see her Arabian prince by!

After the ride, Azan leads Nicole to the tent where they’ll sleep – TOGETHER! He’s taking a chance by bunking up with her, but has apparently gotten the memo that Nicole needs to sleep with him if he’s gonna seal this jacked-up marriage deal. He’s also purchased a ring for her, which he plans to give to her tonight. Whoa! Sh*t is getting real up in this tent!

We’re left to wonder how the proposal went until next week though, as cameras cut back to Chantel, who is officially having a meltdown. She’s built her own prison, but doesn’t like the cell she’s living in now. But instead of cleaning up her lies with her family, she bickers over washing dishes with Pedro at home. Chantel decides to meet up with Gege to process her many, many issues.

At a cafe, Chantel confesses how stressed out she is, admitting she knows her parents won’t approve of this quick marriage. She’s even lied about why the TLC cameras are following them, claiming she’s just on a show about “young love.” Gege tells it to Chantel straight: She needs to tell them NOW. She’s already waited too long – she can’t wait another day. She also comments that Chantel needs a reality check about the wedding she’s planning. It needs to be simple, perhaps in a park.

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Delusionally, Chantel focuses on how this is not the kind of wedding she wants! You know – the kind where no one knew you were getting married until like a day ago, you have almost no guests in attendance, and your parents are pissed you lied. When asked if she and Pedro have rings yet, Chantel goes into an even deeper tailspin. “I don’t want to talk about it! No! We don’t have any money, OKAY?” she whines, before marching off from the cameras to think about the complete toilet bowl she’s made of this engagement.

Well, looks like we’ll have to wait another week to see if Chantel is ready to put her big girl underpants on and face the family. If not, she and Pedro might as well elope (or break up) right now. This girl is spinning out, and for good reason.

TELL US: SHOULD CHANTEL JUST FESS UP ALREADY? DOES AZAN REALLY LOVE NICOLE? IS ANFISA HEADED BACK TO RUSSIA? 

Photo Credit: TLC

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