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After a season of arguments, backstabbing, cheating, and manipulation, Kevin Frazier is here to keep all of the gals of Little Women: LA in check as they assemble for a Season Six Reunion. And he’s definitely the man for the job! This is not his first time holding Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer]’s nasty feet to the fire, and he’s no stranger to muzzling Terra Jole with a few stern comments. Essentially, he’s the BOMB. Similar to LWLA Reunions past, Matt’s cheating takes center stage, as does Terra’s psychotic antics. Thus, the more things change, the more time Matt has to create new d*ck pic galleries they stay the same.

First, let’s examine the seating order: Terra, Tonya Banks, and (shockingly) Christy McGinity Gibel sit on one couch facing Elena Gant, Jasmine Sorge, and Briana Renee (plus one scumbag, intermittently) on the other. This is a notable change from last year, when Christy was Briana’s only remaining ally and Elena was Terra’s staunchest defender. My, my – how times have changed!

After watching a reel of their drama this season, the ladies seem taken aback, Elena even admitting she scared herself with how hardcore she went on Terra. But let’s break down specific drama points one by one. First up: Christy’s video. Christy admits she regrets making the video, but she did it, and it’s in the past. Elena agrees that they all do what they do for a buck, and Terra’s actions regarding that video are suspect.

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When asked why she outed Christy’s video, Terra claims the moral high ground. She also says she’s never done anything professionally that involves the word midget (except her original book title, eh?) Elena calls bullsh*t. Terra has been a ruthless hustler since way back when, and she has no room to call Christy out on her choices – not then, not ever. Jasmine adds that Terra just used the video as another means to throw Christy under the bus. And no one – especially Elena – is buying her victim act about being “so offended” by the m-word that she simply had to put Christy on blast.

After Terra’s long-winded explanation about little people empowerment, she is again shut down by Elena. “You did it because it was your f–king revenge!” shouts Elena, who has Terra’s number and doesn’t plan on shutting up about it. Instead (shockingly) Terra is forced to shut up. Which is kind of an epic moment!

When Kevin asks Terra if the video was about revenge, Terra all but admits it was. But she’s certainly not sorry about it and would likely do it again if given the chance. So, wonders Kevin, why was Terra all smiles at the premiere of her Midgets Versus Mascots movie, even though she claims she was offended when the film took on that title? Terra says she told everyone who interviewed her that she hated the title but loved the money! Kevin’s not buying it, nor is anyone else. Hypocrite: Thy name is Terra.

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From backstage, Joe Gnoffo’s disembodied voice obnoxiously adds, “But she went there to protest it!” Kevin is not having this interruption on his stage – no, no no. He’s like, Come out here if you want to defend her, jacka$$. So Joe does, armed with a bobble head doll that sings Christy’s song (is that what it’s doing? omg – what a TOOL!). Kevin tells Joe straight up that he’s not going to “come out here and be a clown” and make Kevin take part in it, so he can kindly exit stage left if he continues to hold that ridiculous thing.

Joe stupidly snarks that he can just go home! To which Kevin retorts, “Fine – go home. Nobody’s stopping you,” waving him out the back door like the trash he is. Wow. So Joe attempts (badly) to act like a rational person, explaining again why Terra endorsing her movie was totally different than Christy’s video because – because – because she didn’t agree with it! But she did accept a check at the end of the day…right? Right. So get off Kevin’s stage, Gnoffo!

Alas, Joe stays a beat or two longer, trying to call Christy a hypocrite – without recognizing he’s also married to one. Kevin just wants both women to see each other’s point of view (which ain’t NEVAH gonna happen). And all I want is to smack that doll out of Joe’s hands. Finally – mercifully – Joe walks off stage, having accomplished nothing with his childishness.

The topic turns to the myriad of health concerns everyone has experienced this year, which include Christy’s neck surgery (not to mention Todd’s gastric bypass), Tonya’s Bell’s Palsy, Terra’s hernias and cancer scare, and Briana’s son’s breathing issues. Elena calls Terra out on letting her hernia issues go on far too long in the name of becoming famous on Dancing With The Stars. Christy says she’s just happy to be alive after her botched surgery, and she’s proud of her husband for taking steps in bettering his health.

Todd and Christy’s daughter, Autumn, are called out to the stage next to discuss the roller coaster their family’s been on this year. And first of all I have to say, Todd is looking great! He’s down 70 pounds, determined now to work with a trainer to lose more. Autumn confesses that it’s been a hard year, and the drama with her mom and the ladies hasn’t helped. Terra refuses to argue with Autumn, who wonders why Terra is so vile toward her mother. But Elena wonders why Terra just can’t give it a rest – then she wouldn’t have to answer to anyone’s daughter.

Terra says she wants to “move on,” which for her means that she will continue to hate Christy…but silently? Umm. Not sure that computes. She’ll never be able to get over the police report, period.

Little Women: LA Reunion, Part One Recap

Next, it’s time to traverse the dreary path down Briana’s pathetic life and delusions of modeling/being happily married/being fierce. Terra is also still raw about Briana going behind her back to talk to her manager. When Jasmine defends Briana’s actions, Elena wonders why she’s back to “being Briana’s attorney?” Jasmine doesn’t even seem sure why she’s an eternal flip-flopper. She’s kinda lost up here.

Back to Briana’s non-existent career: She still blames prejudices and bad breaks for her lack of modeling contracts. But Terra just thinks Briana needs to fix her personal life before she can get anywhere in business. Elena agrees (as does Tonya) that Briana can’t play victim and claim to be a fierce business woman all in one. Plus, letting her husband sh*t all over her doesn’t bode well for her assertiveness.

Speaking of the word fierce – WHO OWNS IT? Answer: No one. But the ladies shall fight to the death about it in round 1,002 anyway! Terra explains how she came up with her book title, claiming that Briana never came to mind during the process. Briana pipes up that when her book comes out (never), she’s gonna use fierce too! So, harrrrummph! What. Ever.

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Next, LisaBriana’s kicked-to-the -curb friend – comes out to put Matt on blast over the texts he sent her. Briana does not look especially pleased about this segment. When Lisa told Briana about these texts (and that she’d already talked to Elena and Jasmine about them), Briana immediately ended their friendship and accused her of “hitting on” her husband (blech) rather than question Matt.

Now, Briana goes crazy on Lisa, accusing her of trying to get a “moment” on TV, when the truth is that nothing sordid happened – although she does admit that Matt “probably said some stupid sh*t” to her. Kevin’s like, Um why aren’t you mad at MATT? Briana backtracks, saying that yeah, she’s upset with him – but LISA is the problem. Of course. Just like every woman Matt’s ever “reached out to” in his special way.

But Lisa came with receipts, yo! She reads a text Matt sent her which says, “I want a woman!!! A REAL WOMAN!!! I dream about you a ton!! You want a guy to be a man and real well there you go!!!! Sorry just thought I’d be honest unlike the rest of the world. Wow do you hate me now jk (lol emoji) Sorry.”

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Okay – abuse of exclamation points aside, let’s break this down: This is an offer to cheat, plain and simple. Kevin asks Briana if she believes it now? Ever blind to her grotesque husband’s lies, she just counters that she doesn’t know Lisa’s side of the texts, so she can’t make a judgement. (Are we all doing face palms in unison at this point? Ready: 1, 2, 3: GO.) The ladies can’t even contain their disbelief and exhaustion with Briana’s stupidity. None of us can.

But does Briana believe this pattern of behavior will ever end? She says, “Yes, if he wants it to end.” Wow. Talk about giving up 100% of your power in a relationship.

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It’s that time of the show when the couches must be sullied once again with Matt’s dirty a$$. He comes out, smirking, to face the music. Immediately, Matt’s face goes fuchsia, admitting that his text does “sound like” he was asking for sex. He’s in the “I’m sorry” phase right now, but who freaking cares? He and Briana need to ride-or-die off into their sad-sack sunset for good at this point.

Even with Jasmine screaming in his face that he’s ruining Briana’s life, Matt knows his doormat of a wife will never leave him. Tonya fully comprehends this, saying that Briana signed up for this mess, and she – in some sick, twisted way – is even getting off on it now. Jasmine can’t quite grasp this concept, though. And Briana even tries to dumbly defend that she doesn’t love being cheated on! Arms crossed, Tonya just preaches, “Girl, you love everything about that man. You love his dirty drawers.” Okay – not many times do I actually laugh out loud at this show, but that was one. Little Boss For the WIN! Plus – she’s absolutely right.

After Lisa is dismissed, Kevin moves on to Matt’s dirty deeds in Alaska, which Briana of course blames herself for as much as him. Also – she’s still under the illusion that Matt “only kissed” a woman there, and walked around in sub zero temps for three hours afterward. Even so, Matt tries to explain his actions. Wait – he has none! He just does what he does, golly – who knows why?

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The women wonder if or when Briana will ever wake up? Also, Terra wonders why Briana still believes Matt’s ridiculous story of ONLY kissing another woman. Everyone on this stage – including the camera crew – knows they had sex. But to clear things up, Kevin invites the woman Matt cheated with – Stephanie? Stefanya? – out to the stage next!

We’ll have to wait until next week to see how this lovely confrontation goes, although I think we can predict it: Briana will blame herself, the woman, the hotel, the alcohol, and the entire state of Alaska before she lays even one ounce of culpability at Matt’s lying, cheating, disgusting feet.

TELL US: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF JOE’S ANTICS? IS JASMINE FLIP-FLOPPING? ARE TERRA AND CHRISTY BOTH HYPOCRITES? DO WE REALLY EXPECT BRIANA TO COME TO HER SENSES? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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