The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

It’s an enormous bummer that this season of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey has been derailed into bitter accusations of anti-Semitism, especially after we hearty souls weathered the petty nonsense of cake-gate for so damn long! Can’t we just watch these broads make pasta in Milan, get confused about cathedrals, mispronounce some sh*t, and call it a day? Unfortunately, there’s unfinished business between the ladies to belabor…for ages.

Siggy Flicker continues her anti-Margaret Josephs campaign this week, initially refusing to accept Marge’s apology. But at least she and Teresa Giuidice share a tender moment while bonding over the loss of Tre’s mom, Antonia. Dolores Catania and Danielle Staub also try to walk the line of frenemy-ship so as to avoid lockup in Italy. While the women try not to get kicked out of eating establishments abroad, Joe Gorga has a heart to heart with his nieces back in Jersey. His message to them: Stop being Satan!

Teresa is excited that a chef will be teaching them how to make homemade pasta. She can’t say ingretientses, but she likes to see people use them in her cookbooks! Alberto, the amiable chef for hire, takes Tre, Marge, and Dolores shopping, where Marge is baffled by the process of throwing raw eggs in a paper sack. She’s disturbed on a strangely deep level about it, actually. Like, It puts the eggs in the bag or it gets the hose again! disturbed.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

Meanwhile Melissa Gorga, Siggy, and Danielle go biking. Melissa is tipsy, Danielle has a sore hoo-ha, and Siggy is happy that she’s having a drama-free five minutes. “Today I’m an honorary Italian!”

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

At Alberto’s home, the ladies are taught to break eggs in flour, knead dough, and roll out handmade pasta without the help of any fancy machine! Tre is given the honor of chopping raw steak into tartare, and the sight of Teresa Giuidice whacking that raw meat with these massive cleavers is giving me Goodfellas vibes ALL DAY LONG. She goes to town so hardcore that wood chips are mixed throughout the tartare in the end. Oh well. More fiber for all!

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

At a pit stop in the park, Danielle, Melissa sip champagne and – I regret to inform you – watch Siggy cry some more. Although Danielle and Siggy are in a better place after their public meltdown, Siggy just cannot get past her issues with Margaret. Melissa defends Marge, who she doesn’t think is anti-Semitic. “To me it’s insensitive!” cries Siggy, who expects her friends to rally around her – not to defend Margaret! No one wants to dismiss Siggy’s feelings, but DAY-UM! She needs to calm down about how “deeply hurt!!!!” she is by every single perceived slight or insult.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

At dinner later, everyone tries to play it cool – especially after they’re sprayed by champagne when they walk in! Tre thinks it’s funny, so everyone else plays along. Margaret is scared to say anything, lest it be twisted into a horrific statement in Siggy’s mind. Siggy does her best to ignore Marge too, but after toasts are given and sex talk is bandied about, the tension gets too unbearable. Melissa pulls Margaret aside to give her some Housewives Playbook Guidelines: Don’t hold it all inside. Perk up and pipe up! Marge would rather fake her own death or leave the country than finish dinner with Siggy. But she’s a team player, so she heads back inside with new resolve.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

And hey – whaddya know? Perfect timing, because Siggy is inside talking about Hitler. Yup. She claims Hitler is a “trigger word” for her, which is a fair enough statement. Margaret really seems to take this information in, especially after Teresa admits she has her own trigger word: jail. After a beat, Marge apologizes, “I never knew that would hurt you to the core. If I’d known, I never would have said it. I’m sorry.”

Instead of responding – AT ALL – Siggy just looks down and, as if in a slow motion dramatic reenactment of the one-act play “A Siggy Scorned” just picks up her wine glass, takes a swig, and sets it back down again. The table assemblage is like….um? Are we just gonna act like that apology didn’t happen?!?! Danielle awkwardly says that she appreciates Margaret’s apology, which Tre agrees with. But Siggy still has no comment. Thus, the tension just hangs in the air like a bad fart on a hot day. The drama has officially gone from sour to full on rancid.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

Back in Jersey, Joe Gorga visits his nieces, who are giving their Nonno a tough time while mom’s away. When Milania back talks him, Joe has had enough. He gathers the girls up for a Come-to-Joseph meeting. “Your mother’s going through a lot and you guys are not easy. Some days, you’re like the devil!” He wants the girls to help plan a surprise party for Tre’s upcoming birthday, and they agree. After his tough love speech, he doles out the hugs, showing what a great uncle he is yet again. I can’t help it – I have a soft spot for this guy. Help!

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

It’s trench coat day back in Milan! All the women are breaking into new teams of two to gallivant around the city for the day, with Teresa and Siggy finally getting a moment to bond while Dolores and Melissa get gelato and Margaret takes Danielle to a shoe factory to check out the wares for her new line. As they get ready for their outing, Danielle, Siggy, and Dolores talk about the night before. Siggy has had time to think about Margaret’s apology, and admits that it was a nice gesture. Danielle reminds Siggy that she didn’t acknowledge the apology though! Which was mega-weird. Danielle also reminds her that calling someone an anti-Semite is KIND OF A HUGE DEAL. “I’m entitled to my opinion!” defends Siggy, clearly not ready to let the accusation go.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

As Margaret and Danielle travel to see shoes, Danielle talks about phone sex with her fiance, Marty, then recounts the conversation with Siggy. “She aligned me with a hate group,” Margaret reflects in her confessional. She wants an apology from Siggy, sure, but moreover she wants her to retract the defamatory statement. Something tells me she’ll get neither. At least she gets a killer tour of an Italian shoe warehouse to dull the pain! #Shoegasm (Sadly, the shoes are gorgeous, but too expensive for Macbeth’s price point.)

On the streets of Milan, Teresa takes Siggy to a special memorial to commemorate her mom. She knows Siggy felt hurt by not taking part in the memorial in Boca, and wants to share a moment with her here instead. Siggy appreciates the gesture and, in a moment that makes me remember what I loved about Siggy last season, reciprocates the kindness by comforting Tre. She says that despite having missed time with her mother while in prison, Tre might look at that year as a blessing because her girls got to bond with her mother so much. Teresa seems genuinely touched, and is also reminded of what a big heart Siggy can have – when she chooses to stop being a crazed maniac.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

Teresa thinks Siggy has to get over the Margaret issue though. Enough already! She says, “You were called Soggy Flicker, but I was called an ADULTERY by Kim D!” And again, I offer a standing slow clap to the RHONJ gods who consistently serve up new Tre-isms for our snarky amusement. Teresa doesn’t understand why Siggy is so triggered by Margaret, and why she can’t accept her apology. “Can you just see that a little bit?” she prods Siggy. She says she can. But we’ll see.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

Elsewhere, Dolores is telling Melissa about her new phantom boyfriend, David, who is fine with her living with Frank – and with her not contacting him for days on end! So, he’s perfect. As they sit down for gelato, they wonder how Siggy will react to Marge today? Her non-reaction from the night before was strange, although Dolores excuses it as Siggy “processing.” Melissa defends Margaret for always being the bigger person, which she is in this situation for sure. Though Dolores may not agree, it’s to her credit that she at least accepts Mel’s point of view. Wow – Good job, grown women! You agreed to disagree! (Is there a glitch in the Matrix? WTF just happened there?!?!?)

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

It’s the night of the Last Supper. We’re in the final ten minutes of the show now – i.e., the red zone – so I’m officially prepared for anything. After Melissa and Margaret bond over gifts and their easy friendship, they discuss Siggy. What will they walk into at dinner tonight? Let’s find out together, shall we! Ladies, grab your tire irons.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

In a private room in the hotel restaurant, the ladies assemble. Siggy immediately interrupts the first toast by telling Margaret she appreciates her apology, then begins crying about the Hitler reference again. “I understand,” says Margaret calmly, “But do you genuinely feel I’m anti-Semitic?” This is the heart of the issue. Siggy says she “doesn’t want to feel” she’s anti-Semitic and says “if I hurt your feelings by saying that, I apologize.”

Margaret isn’t okay with this Housewives-pology. The double-speak of “sorry if you’re hurt!” doesn’t fly with her – not in an instance of character assassination, anyway. In the quietest, most reflective state I’ve seen her in yet, Margaret sits back a moment to process what’s happening. Then she slowly explains to Siggy that being aligned with a hate group is destructive in every sense of the word, especially considering how many Jewish people are in her life – both family and business relationships. “That’s relationship-ending, career-ending, everything that I value in my life,” says Margaret.

The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: Fauxpology

Suddenly pulling back on her weeks-long anti-Semitism tirade, Siggy finally admits she spoke those words in “the heat of the moment,” but she truly doesn’t believe Margaret is anti-Semitic. She does, however, believe that Margaret is “anti-Siggy.” Um, YEAH. And why wouldn’t she be at this point!? But Margaret thinks Siggy needs to swallow some of her own bullsh*t self-help/empowerment/compassion medicine and leave the rest of them the hell alone! She also thinks Siggy’s apology was more than slightly forced, probably due to the fact that Marge is coming out on top with the group. And she’d be right about that.

Well, maybe Marge’s big birthday bash will bring the ladies together back in New Jersey? Disco parties make everything better. Just ask Shannon Beador! <cringe>

Writer’s Note: Check out my podcast, Pink Shade With Erin Martin, for more Reality TV talk (Housewives, 90 Day Fiance & more!) – plus a deep dive into cults & the supernatural. Now available on Podbean, Stitcher, and iTunes

TELL US: WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE APOLOGIES? WILL SIGGY LET THIS ANTI-SEMITISM THING GO? 

Photo Credit: Bravo

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