Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we were treated to a delightfully classy over-the-hill bachelorette party for one in particular mid-life crisis bride's third wedding.
If that weren't enough Lauri Peterson demonstrated her desperation for relevance by sharing so-called salacious details about Vicki Gunvalson's sex life. I barely made it through last night's episode without throwing up. Thanks for that Bravo.
Things begin with newbie Lydia McLaughlin, in all her wide-eyed optimism, showing up at Tamra Barney's house for some girl talk. Walking into the evil sorceress' cave, Lydia holds her magic fairy dust shield close to her heart and remembers to think positive.
Lydia is just like so impressed and keeps talking about how "classy" and "fancy" Tamra's hostessing is. First of all, the word "classy" and Tamra do not belong in the same sentence.
Now a report emerges that Heather Dubrow is not the sole RHOC bridesmaid and despite Vicki skipping the officially sanctioned Bravo-filmed bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas, she is indeed in the midlife crisis wedding party! Bravo wouldn't have it any other way.
Right out of the gate, Melissa Gorga's first blog has some pretty harsh comments for Teresa Giudice. In addition to citing reasons why she doesn't feel comfortable with Antonia spending time at the Giudice house (Juicy gymnastics anyone?!), Melissa continues to place blame for the family feud on Teresa's bespangled, feathered, and bronzed shoulders. Oh girl… the victim act is so last season! This season is all about renaissance. Get with the program!
And as I said before; I refuse to take sides on this ridiculous feud anymore. They are BOTH at fault and both ridiculous. The Gorgadices need to grow up and act like adults. Put the famewhoring aside and stop with the finger-pointing!
Remember that Lindsay Lohan movie "Freaky Friday" where the mom became the kid and the kid suddenly morphed into the mom role after they were both struck by lightening or something? Yeah – that was last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey!
As the adults continued to behave childishly and bicker pettily over everything imaginable, the kids were able to give them a little lesson in communication, letting bygones be bygones, and focusing on the positive!
Before we get to all that, things begin with the cast recovering from the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. While none of them lost their primary homes, Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga both had their shore homes damaged. "My house… what happened??" they both wail – as a flood of last summer's empty bronzing bottles and sequined bikinis wash over their feet. 'All my marble deck furniture like suuuunk! Waaaah… and what about my rhinestone encrusted jet ski Joeeew' Ok – so the editors cut that out, but you KNOW that's what really happened!
First of all, yes we heard the rumors that Teresa Giudice's alleged cooking-based spinoff is happening and in the casting phases, buuuuut… we're still investigating that!
Regarding a so-called Madame Juicy spinoff, Andy Cohen was questioned and played coy.
“Maybe, you never know,” Andyhinted to Wetpaint. “We don’t like to spin everybody off, we like to go slowly.”
In other words; brace yourselves because you know – and I know – it's coming. Teresa will be spun-off! Rumor has it, Teresa doesn't want a spinoff based on her personal life, but Bravo is hoping to capture the Joe Giudice's trial and how that will potentially affect Teresa's family and life.
In other news concerning the Real Housewives of New Jersey star: tonight is the season premiere! Teresa will not only be torturing or gracing us with her presence (depending on how you look at it) on tonight's epic premiere, she'll also be appearing on WWHL. Pace yourself with the Fabellinis, kids!
The Real Housewives of Orange County star has played coy about whether or not she proposed to Slave for a storyline but she recently admitted to Parade Magazine that the "intimate" moment was captured by Bravo cameras. Likely in an attempt to entice viewers and convince her boss Andy Cohen that these two can carry a wedding spinoff…
"I was so nervous to propose! You’ll see it this season on the show," Gretchen reveals. "It was filmed and it was a pretty spectacular engagement. I can’t tell you details, but I can tell you the fans will not be disappointed. There are a lot of different steps that happened in the proposal and Slade cried a lot, I can tell you that!" Cannot. Wait. To recap this #IntenseSarcasm
What would reality TV be without outrageous plastic surgery? Boring, right? It's the speculation that really excites us. Sometimes it's as obvious as a pair of boob implants or fillers gone horribly awry, but sometimes, just sometimes even sharky eyed watchers like us can't tell!
Below is a list of the ladies who leave us wondering: has she or hasn't she?