So here we are at Eileen Davidson‘s house where Kyle and Brandi are sobbing, shrieking, and shoving each other in the driveway. I’m pretty sure we learned in kindergarten to use conversation to solve problems, not name-calling, cuss words, gift bags, hands, side-boobs, bracelets, wine, or pizza?! Or Eileen’s driveway!
And while Kyle and Brandi are arguing over who gets custody of Kim Richards, Kim is standing their like “Duuuuuuude… I’m high. Where’s my pizza?” Literally she asked Brandi what happened to the pizza slice – well Brandi threw at your sister, Kim. I would say go grab another one but you’re probably banned from Eileen’s home!
In case you had blocked out the disaster that was poker night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, allow me to refresh your memory: two drunki-drunkifers, one Boozdi, one Rambles, behaved absolutely appallingly while guests in Eileen Davidson‘s home, then Brandi and Kyle Richards got into a scrapping fit over who got to play over-zealous nursemaid to Kim Richards. Luckily for Lisa Vanderpump she was off vacationing in Mexico. Bitch!
Despite missing the party of the century, Lisa is weighing in on what she observed and is shocked by both Kim and Brandi Glanville‘s behavior, and she also defends her new re-friend Kyle!
“So once again another week passes, and this episode is the start of a tumultuous ride, where alliances take a different path,” reflects Lisa. “We witness the car journey with the incongruous relationship of Brandi and Kyle in the car discussing the success of Kim’s sobriety and the path her life has taken.”
“Then things take a sharp turn as the evening unfolds. That relationship shatters and much is revealed,” begins Lisa.
If ever there was a reason for Sig Hansen to finally speak on Celebrity Apprentice, it was while captaining a booze cruise around New York City. Unfortunately someone had to walk the plank! I say I’m fabulous, but The Donald says you’re fired! Now Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Dizzy yet?
CA is moving full-speed ahead through a series of rapid eliminations as they prepare for their LIVE two-hour finale (when editing and producers cannot control the full-scale unleashed crazy of Kenya “Krayonce” Moore and Brandi “Boozdi” Glanville!).
So let’s talk Krayonce, shall we. Oooooh boy! Everybody knows I do not particularly care for the wheels off the underground railroad train that is Kenya’s runaway antics. As someone said on twitter (bless you) “TooFar” is Kenya’s middle name. While I have to appreciate her, shall we say, passionate nature, Kenya always goes OVERBOARD. Last night was the ultimate converging of “Real Housewives Of Atlanta Kenya” and “attempting to revamp my image sophisticated CA Kenya.” Somewhere, Donald Trump and Andy Cohen are in a PTSD clinic, known as WWHL, guzzling a much-needed drink. We’ll cover all the Kenyanigans later.
Tom was loitering, casually constructed behind the bar at SUR, when a trainwreck of botched lip implants and an immobile face appeared before him! He jumped; he recoiled in horror. No, not because he saw who it was – Annemarie from Miami – but because she ordered a Cosmo (is this Sex And the City circa 2002?!) – then he bolted. From her vantage point across the restaurant, perfectly positioned so she could witness the showdown while guzzling wine, Kristen leapt from her seat and went running after him. This wasn’t supposed to happen – Tom was supposed to run TOWARDS Kristen, not away from SUR.
So now that we’ve set the scene, let’s rewind – Lord knows I did a lot of that last night to catch every wimple of drama.
Tonight’s episode of Vanderpump Rules is when all the crazy breaks free from its tenuous grip on sane-ish behavior and explodes. Kristen Doute has schemed and conspired to out Tom Sandoval as a cheater and the woman he supposedly cheated with in Miami will confront him on camera.
Way back when – in March of last year – Tom went to Miami with Jax Taylor and Tom Schwartz where he allegedly hooked-up with AnnemarieKunkel, a self-described receptionist from NYC, (photo above) who claims she had no idea the boys were on reality TV. Poor Annemarie was so innocent and sweet, she then sold her hook-up story to a tabloid. Then, of course, she found Kristen on instagram to try and get some attention. Well, her hard work paid off!
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta no one wanted to grow up as they took good old fashioned road trips, flirted with the football players, and relived their glory days at Ridgemont High on the last day of senior year. Also, Cynthia Bailey wore a stupid hat in every scene. Are her edges thinning too?!
NeNe Leakes gets picked up at the airport by Greggum, her basement troll clamoring into the sunshine for the first time in weeks, sadly it’s an overcast day and he’s forced to linger in the parking garage until he catches sight of the shiny ring. Still – it is human contact! NeNe reflects on Puerto Rico and acknowledges that maaaaaaybe her comments to Claudia Jordan were crass and terrible, so she apologized. An apology Claudia did not want to take.
Then NeNe tells us her life used to be a Lifetime Movie and she worked her way through college stripping – basically living Kyle Richards’ dream as played by Tori Spelling circa 1992. Let’s just say, NeNe skipped English 101 in favor of studying Human Sexuality, which is how she knows about the amazing transitive powers of Clawdia’s clit.
NeNe Leakes is about to take her “Girl, bye.” phrase to court (no, it’s not cause Cynthia is filing for divorce)! According to “Black-owned family business” Tees in the Trap, a company that creates tees referencing pop culture and the “urban girl experience,” NeNe lifted their slogan and their t-shirt design, but then issued them a Cease & Desist letter for infringing on her territory! Oh dear.
NeNe became known for using the phrase “Girl, bye” on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, but this season she decided to expand on her vernacular by creating a line of tees that features all of NeNe’s “infamous” sayings – “Girl, bye.” included.
Unfortunately Tees in the Trap was already producing a tee that looks remarkably similar to what NeNe has brought to the market. They claim NeNe spotted one of THEIR tees in an Atlanta retailer – she was even photographed wearing it (see below) – and decided to co-opt the idea for herself! Then NeNe trademarked the phrase and is now demanding Tees in the Trap stop using it. Oh dear.