Good news – maybe?! – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has already been renewed. Bad news – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast won’t change much for season seven. Why can’t we have nice things?
Earlier today, Bravo announced the six new and fourteen returning shows that will fill its summer and fall schedules. Obviously, RHOBH is on the list for fall. It will be a while before the cast is set in stone and revealed; however, when a fan tweeted @ Andy Cohen that Lisa Rinna, Yolanda Foster, Erika Girardi, and Eileen Davidson must go, he replied, “No way!”
Are y’all still with me? If you haven’t taken a sledgehammer to your phone/tablet/computer because of Andy‘s bad judgementTweet, look below to find out what other questionable choices goodies Bravo has in store for viewers.
Caroline recently posted a photo of herself with her latest haircut: a short, dark pixie cut. The photograph depicts her in a church wearing a black sweater, next-to-nothing makeup and black framed specs. The selfie has been fodder for throngs of wannabe style critics far and wide.
While Lauren has resolved to legally (and religiously) yoke herself to one Vicotta, of the saltiest and savoriest salamis, Albie Manzo remains adrift in the wind, spraying his pot fertilizer up at the sun and watching it disappear. Albie went from being the prodigal son, to being mommy’s biggest flop – even Lauren mocks him for failing out of law school. It was all that pot prosciutto!
Last night on Manzo’d With Children times were a’changin’ as Vito Scalia and Lauren Manzo told their parents it was time for them to claim some independence. Naturally that was just token gesture, and absolutely nothing will change.
The Manzo-Scalia bunch is still in Italy. For their final night in the paradise of Caroline Manzo‘s 1/16th dreams they are amid the splendors of a villa that is both a working farm and a restaurant. Alas it will be a nightmare for Vito Sr. and Denise when their blessed miracle Vicotta tells them the worst news they could imagine: he doesn’t want children he’s planning to open his own deli in Manhattan.
In the case of Lauren Manzo as her wedding approaches so too does the nagging about when she will be carrying on the illustrious Manz0-Scalia lineage and fulfilling her role and Caroline and Denise’s grandchild vessel. Caroline and Denise, henceforth, “Team Grandma” are on a two-pronged mission to get Lauren pregnant even if they have to tie her up in an Italian receiving blanket and inject Vito’s sperm into her with a meat tenderizer. Yes – it’s that drastic.
Caroline Manzo justifies the trip as a great experience for Lauren and Vito Scalia to learn to fly on their own as Caroline and Al remain “waiting in the wings” – or first class rather. They upgraded, but left the rest of peons back in coach. “It’s a farewell to Lauren Manzo,” describes Ma Smothers, as she hunkers down with her popcorn to watch the disaster of Lauren Scalia unfold. Don’t worry mommy is always waiting in the wings (or the hallway) with a hamper to help scoop up the mess!
Last night on Manzo’d With Children Bravo’s bootleg version of Cheech & Chong traveled to Colorado for a “Cannabis Tour.”
Businessman eccellenza Albie Manzo is marketing his grow-fast plant spray but business is “all about relationships.” Apparently spuriously calling pot growers from the phone in mommy’s craft room does not gain one customers.
Therefore Albie heads to Colorado with No. 1 sidekick Christopher. If you, in your mind, were imagining escapades, prepare to be disappointed. There were neither debaucherous hi-jinks, actual drug use, or attractive men boys.
Christopher envisioning that weed distributors are much like Tony Montana is bringing mace and a rape whistle. Albie tells Caroline not to worry: “If you ever want to see me get out of this house, this trip is my opportunity.” As Albie utters these ominous words, the beginning chords of The Beastie Boy’s ‘SABOTAGE’ starts playing in my head. Because… Newsflash! Caroline doesn’t ever want to see Albie leave her nest. Which is why he’s still eating off a monogrammed placemat and storing his sweaters in his childhood toy box.
Last night on Manzo’d With Children there were bachelorette shenanigans in Atlantic City, the less classy red-headed stepchild of Vegas. Apparently Adrienne Maloof is no longer doling out free passes to The Palms.
With Lauren Manzo‘s wedding to the human lump of smothered ricotta known as Vito Scalia approaching, her bros without hoes Albie and Christopher decide they should be in charge of the “send-off” so they whisk Lauren away to Atlantic City for a “Snatchelor Party.” There they hide her away from Vito for the sanctity of family unity.
The idea for “Snatchelor” is hatched when Chris and Albie are excluded from Lauren’s official girls-only bachelorette. Hosted by Greggy Bennett. Naturally he has corralled a party bus to escort this fine delegation in style. Apparently L.A. does not hold all the fascinations of a Manzo fambly event.