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Teen Mom

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Teen Mom 2 has come to an end, and while we don't know if it's forever or just for now, it's time for the cast to talk about their troubles with Dr. Drew Pinsky.

This is Teen Mom, where "promising futures gave way to daily struggles, such as poverty, addiction, family breakdowns, absentee fathers, and revolving door boyfriends," says Dr. Drew. "The pressures and responsibilities of motherhood can be catastrophic." Then, to prove his point, the TV doctor welcomes Leah Messer Simms Calvert, Chelsea Houska, Kailyn Lowry, and Jenelle Evans to the stage and reminds us what happened this season.

Leah flip flopped between Corey Simms and Jeremy Calvert, but her Magic 8 ball ultimately told her to marry Jeremy. Also, Corey and Leah searched for answers for little Ali. Chelsea and Adam Lind hooked up sans birth control but avoided a second pregnancy. Then, hell froze over, and Chelsea realized that Adam is no good for her. #hallelujah

Kail fought with Jo Rivera. Kail fought with Javi Marroquin. Kail fought with anyone with a pulse. Kail and Javi got married… military benefits, yo!… Jenelle left her military man, Gary Head, after he beat her up and reunited with her pot head, Kieffer Delp, after he wooed her with the green hoodie. Sadly, Kieffer introduced Jenelle to heroin. 

Phew. Let the healing begin. 

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Ugh… well errrr… I hope Farrah Abraham was in church to atone for her sins! The former Teen Mom turned sex tape superstar tweeted that she was spending her Cinco de Mayo Sunday with Jesus.

Where she presumably begged the Lord for forgiveness for her naked wrestling antics and chemically influenced driving and incredible delusional rants, right? Probably not. Farrah likely believes the Lord wants her to be happy and she's happiest tangling with James Deen, lying about it, and then spending that money, honey! 

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Sex tapes… drug busts… what would MTV's resident therapist say? 

Well, when that "therapist" is Dr. Drew Pinsky, not a whole lot. Dr. Drew's reaction to the deplorable choices made by Farrah Abraham and Jenelle Evans as of late comes across as less "Woah! Let's get these girls some help!" and more "Woe is me! Nobody listens to me!" 

“If she would have called me for advice, I would have told her not to do this," Dr. Drew said about Farrah's sex tape. “But she is not my patient, she is not my kid."

News Flash, Dr. Drew: Advice is for imperfect people, Farrah is faultless

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Hey y'all…want to know a quick and easy way to pay for culinary school and get your Master's degree?  If you answered "apply for scholarships and student loans" you'd be sorely mistaken.  Take a lesson from Farrah Abraham and achieve these goals by shopping around a manufactured home movie of the adult variety.  Ah, youth.

That's right!  The former Teen Mom wants to make all of her educational dreams come true, and she's now going to be able to make those dreams a reality thanks to a little film called Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.  Take that, Sallie Mae!  Farrah doesn't need your federal funds to reach her collegiate aspirations.

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Oh Teen Mom 2, whatever are we going to do without you?  Last night we bid a ninety minute farewell to Leah Messer Sims Calvert, Jenelle Evans, Kailyn Lowry, and Chelsea Houska, and MTV has yet to confirm whether they'll be back for more (please, no).  While we'll be able to keep up with Jenelle thanks to her constant arrests and rehab stints, how will keep tabs on our other favorite whiny and entitled reality stars?  What will become of Corey's camo hat?  Will Kieffer Delp be successful in his pipe selling endeavors?  So many unanswered questions–I can't bear the thought of it…

Of course, I jest.  Last night, I cried when Corey cried, and I felt such pain for Barbara as she struggled with losing her daughter to heroin.  I'm excited that Chelsea seems to be maturing–here's hoping she keeps up the good work.  These girls need to stay out of the limelight, and I really need for Jenelle to get her life in order before she ends up dead.  I can't imagine the only memories that Jace has of his mom being the same we've seen on the series.

The episode begins as Leah and Jeremy discuss Ali's big doctor's appointment over date night.  Jeremy has taken time off from work so he can be with his wife as she deals with the stress of facing Ali's potential diagnosis.

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It's a great week for Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham, and it's only Tuesday!  She lives such a charmed life, doesn't she?  In light of her recent DUI woes and adult film aspirations, you'd think life would be hard for the former reality star.  However, Farrah always seems to come out on top…I mean, I haven't seen the video (and I can assure you I never will), but I'm guessing that she does.  Too much?

Not only did the twenty-one-year-old ink a deal to start selling that bad boy of a sex tape, she's also ready to go with her DUI case.  Guess what, y'all?  She's NOT GUILTY!

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Well it was only a matter of time until Farrah Abraham's "private sex tape" (made purely for posterity of her posterior, of course) got sold to the highest bidder!

Farrah's XXX famous co-star James Deen leaked that the Teen Mom star had made the tape on purpose and asked him to be her co-star with the hopes of pretending it just got "out". Farrah denied all this, insisted we're all idiots on Dr. Phil, and then conceded she would release it for $2 million dollars.

Last week Farrah was spotted hauling her father and her 3-year-old daughter Sophia to the Vivid Entertainment offices (I hope she waxed her eyebrows first!) and today TMZ reveals that Farrah has indeed sold her tape!

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Hey Jenelle Evans, if you scream it loud enough, someone may believe you!  The Teen Mom 2 star is trying to convince anyone who will listen that she is clueless (at least she's not lying about that part!) about how heroin got into her house.

You may recall that the reality star was arrested on Tuesday for possession of heroin and Percocet…oh, and assault.  I've come to the conclusion that the authorities in North Carolina have a box labeled "and assault" that they are trained to check whenever a Jenelle arrest occurs.  I swear, this chick could be collared for jay walking and an assault would be involved…as she'd probably threaten to push other pedestrians into oncoming traffic.  Geez.

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