It's Dr. Drewtime… I hope you stretched your eyeballs because they're about to be doing a lot of rolling. And if you're wearing false eyelashes because you want to look just like your favorite Teen Mom 2 star, I suggest you take them off for fear of injury during this reunion.
The set this year is really something – don't you love the giant TM2 letters with glittering lights. Things begin with all four girls on stage. Jenelle Evans has been taking hair tips from Chelsea Houska (but Megan is her terrible hairsome clone!) – same color red, same teased style, other than that she looks very pretty and natural. Dr. Drew asks Jenelle how Jace is. She answers, "Ummmm… who? Oh yeah… ummm… oh he hasn't been paying rent so yeah!"
Chelsea's eyelashes are a travesty. Mind you, this is her profession… Lord help South Dakota.
Last night was the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Aaaahhh… Jenelle Evans oh my, my, my. Man every single season this girl does something to make me think less of her. I mean just when I think she can't top getting arrested for heroin after marrying someone she barely knows, she goes and makes a baby with another lunatic she barely knows not 3 months after having an abortion.
For all of that, I felt a little bad for Jenelle last night – if only because it became more than abundantly clear that she is not right. Nathan Griffithis a sociopath. Something is seriously wrong with him. We will be seeing him as the subject of a Dateline NBC mystery where he has done something truly heinous.
And also, this recap is sponsored (kidding, not really) by the maternity lingerie photo of Kailyn Lowry and topless Javi Marroquin that is framed above their bed. At least Snuffy was smiling and that may be the only smiling photo of her I've ever seen!
My apologies for a Farrah Abraham story on a Monday but we just can't resist the ish that comes out of her mouth. Today's rambles include more about her Celebrity Sex Tape trilogy and a diss aimed at her Teen Mom co-stars.
Farrah says she turned to writing after the mess that was her leaked sex tape. And by "sex tape" I mean professionally produced porn by Vivid Entertainment and by "leaked" I mean professionally distributed porn by Vivid Entertainment.
Farrahexplains, "I think because of the experiences I went through and I think some of them were unfair and I guess judged incorrectly from the public when I was going through some things with my sex tape – I think it was the catalyst for me to start writing therapeutically and then I was thinking of fictional characters so I could kind of get out of my head and this came about." If you tilt your head to the right and close one eye, that very long sentence kind of makes sense.
So Mr. Perfect got his orange a$$ handed to him! Somewhere Barbara Evans is doing a victory dance.
Nathan Griffith landed himself a THIRD DUI last September and luckily for us Teen Mom 2 cameras recorded the entire thing. The grainy footage featured Nathan resisting arrest, getting tackled to the ground, and being tasered. Nathan was arrested and released on bond paid for by devoted girlfriend Jenelle Evans.
Yesterday morning Nathan was sentenced to 30 – 60 days incarceration by the Horry County Sheriff's Department for charges related to his DUI arrest.
The Sheriff's department lists Nathan's sentencing charges as: Resisting Arrest; Interference with Official in the Performance of Duty; Threatening an Official in Performance of Duty; Giving False Name and Address. DRIVING UNDER SUSPENSION, LICENSE SUSPENDED FOR DUI – 2ND OFFENSE DRIVING ON WRONG SIDE OF ROAD.
When it comes to Farrah, two things are certain: she has no shame and she knows what to say to get a headline. So of course a publisher of smut books would want to hitch a ride on the Farrah Express. They will have to sit up front though. The caboose is closed for repairs.
Farrah's first stop: Radar. To talk about Sophia, her five-year-old daughter, reading the erotica. When she's older, of course, but now is a perfect time to talk about it. #EyeRoll
Last night on Teen Mom 2 MTV let us down massively with only grainy footage of Nathan Griffith's DUI. Nathan (and Jenelle Evans) claim that since he refused a breathalyzer Nathan wasn't actually drunk, or something.
Before we get into all of that, Chelsea Houska is trying to be more mature with Adam Lind. Chelsea has come a long way, and the only strides Adam has made is ditching that recedehawk, because he's still a COMPLETE jerk! At Aubree's pre-school pageant he drags new baby Paislee along and is snappish to Chelsea while they do crafts with Aubree.
Later in the car with Taylor (new baby mama with double-ee named spawn of Adam) he complains that Chelsea isn't going to get be in control of his relationship with Aubree much longer. Um… really, Dumee? Is this before or after you get in a felony car crash or ditch your daughter at your parents because you don't get your way.
I apologize in advance. There is so much for me to be sorry for in this post. I am sorry to each of you, because what you are about to read is truly ridiculous, but I urge you to keep reading. Why? Because I can't unread it, and I want people to suffer with me. I'm sorry to Jessica Alba (you'll want to apologize to her too, trust me). I'm sorry to the English language. I butcher you enough, but I am no where near the offender that Farrah Abraham is, and she's a flipping New York Times bestselling author.
I'm really sorry to the blogger at Celeb Buzz who had to interview the Teen Mom star turned porn queen and try to make sense of some of the things that come out of this chick's mouth (double entendre not intended…wait, yes it was). Lastly, I feel sorry FOR young Sophia because she is going to have a lot to overcome. I even pity Farrah. Sure, she's making more money than I'll ever see in my life, but wow. She is just a sad, lost soul.