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Bachelor

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If I never hear Chris Harrison say special two day Bachelor event again… it will be too soon… seriously. Oh, by the way, have you heard about the special two day Bachelor event? It's an exciting and momentous event that serves as a kick off to the bachelorettes "worldwide journey to find love" with Sean Lowe.

This rip-roaring journey begins in Montana… where it's too cold for Sean to be half naked… how am I supposed to take this special two day Bachelor event seriously when Sean is wearing a shirt? I don't think I can. You've been warned.

So, Sean and his bachelorettes are off to Montana, where everyone wears flannel plaid and there will be a one-on-one date, a group date, and a two-on-one date. Sean says, "I'm an outdoorsy type of guy, and I love to get out and camp or canoe, so Montana is definitely going to test some of the women."

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the-bachelor-season-17-sean-lowe-tierra-licausi

Am I the only one who doesn't think Sean Lowe is going to find true love on this season of the Bachelor?  Trick question!  Who actually does find love on this show…unless it's with fame?  I'm looking at you, Maynard!  Of course, we don't watch for the romance or the extremely realistic dating scenarios (who hasn't had a first date that involves a hot air balloon, open mic night at a famous comedy club, followed by swimming with penguins?  Amateurs.), we watch for the drama.

This season, drama is named Tierra LiCausi.  She's quite the competitor, isn't she?  Maybe if these dudes were thinking with their brains instead of, well you know, they wouldn't fall for these crazies, but it happens every single time.  Do the names Courtney Robertson and Vienna Girardi ring a bell (although, let's look at who they were each vying for…)?

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the-bachelor-sean-lowe-selma-alameri

Chris Harrison congratulates the 13 remaining bachelorettes – Tierra, Desiree, Amanda, AshLee, Jackie, Lesley, Catherine, Daniella, Selma, Lindsay, RobynSarah, and Leslie - for surviving an entire three weeks on the Bachelor. Good for them… but, seriously, where's the shirtless wonder

Ah, there he is! Bachelor Sean Lowe goes into this week's dates with "trust" in mind, which totally comes in handy during his first one-on-one date. The date card goes to Selma and reads "let's turn up the heat." Sean's plan is to take the "glamorous girl" out of her element to see how she reacts. Good times. 

Less than impressed by their final destination, Selma says, "I got the limo. I got the jet. And then he took the Iraqi to a desert. I do not do well in the heat. At all. I'm so disappointed." The desert location is Joshua Tree National Park and the activity is rock climbing. The glamor girl complains about this not-so-fabulous date. Despite her fear of heights and heat-induced puffiness, Selma climbs the rock like a champ! She's proud of herself and Sean's impressed. 

Now what? How do they get down? 

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the-bachelor-sean-lowe-lesley-murphy

Oh, Sean Lowe works out? I almost forgot. While glistening with sweat and annoying homely husbands across America, the Bachelor shares, "One week into it, I find myself really digging a lot of women." Only Sean knows which ones but the possibilities include Sarah, Kacie, Desiree, AshLee, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley, Selma, Catherine, Kristy, Leslie, Tierra, Taryn, Daniella, and Amanda. One of these women could (but probably won't) be Sean's future wife. 

Chris Harrison arrives on the scene of the crazy to deliver the first date card. It's addressed to Lesley and reads, "How long will this love last?" Lesley is excited and goes on and on about dreams coming true and taking her relationship with Sean to the next level. 

Sean brings Lesley to the Guinness World Records Museum. Lesley isn't too impressed, saying, "I'm thinking, um, this could be fun, but if I could have picked any place… I really didn't think we'd be coming to the Guinness World Records." Poor Lesley… a waste of a good (albeit way too short) dress is always tragic. 

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sean-lowe-bachelor-cast

First up, here's some news that I am sure will send you into a tailspin of surprise. Bachelor Pad's most unlikely lovebirds Lindzi Cox and Kalon McMahon have split! Le sads. 

Lindzi shares with WetPaint that the couple was definitely in love but distance and trust issues drove them apart. Oh – and she pretty much blames Kalon for everything. No surprise there! Once a douche, always a douche!

"After the show we both put effort in making it work, but as most people know having a long distance relationship can be tough," Lindzi reveals. "I was willing to go the extra mile but unfortunately Kalon wasn't in a position to meet me halfway." 

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the-bachelor-sean-lowe-harlequin-photo-shoot

The Bachelor folk are not about to let us forget that Sean Lowe's riveting personality half-naked body looks ah-mazing. While working out and taking a shower, Sean talks about his second chance at love… on this amazing journey… to meet his future wife. The Bachelor needs a new script. 

Sean and his bachelorettes go on dates this week! Chris Harrison explains the dating process to the 19 remaining ladies – First Rose Tierra, Wishing Well Desiree, OCD AshLee, Sexy Selma, Back Flips Robyn, Tries Too Hard Brooke, Lipstick Jackie, Kurly Katie, Sweet Sarah, Single Mom Diana, Mean Mugging Catherine, Poker Dealer Leslie, Awkward Pause Amanda, Desperate in D.C. Lesley, Ben Reject Kacie, Model Kristy, Handshake Daniella, Tears Taryn, and Drunk Bride Lindsay - and adds that Sean is the most sincere Bachelor ever.  

Chris places the first date card on the coffee table, raises his hands in the air, and slowly backs out of the room… BRING ON THE CRAZY! 

Kristy grabs the card, hoping to see her name on it, but it goes to Sarah. The date card reads, "Are you ready to fall in love today?" Everyone goes awwww and then wishes they, too, had only one arm. Oh, come on… you know the thought seeped into their catty heads. In all seriousness, I loved Sarah last week, so I'm excited about Sean's choice.

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jake kristin

Sometimes my reality gets skewed.  It's been skewed as of late.  I'm bewildered.  The light of musicals, Southern belle charm, and quick wit wrapped in a tiny little package has disappointed me.  Yet, I still can't blame her.  I feel as if she's been brainwashed.  I can't think of another logical explanation.

I'll just come right out and say it.  I've heard the rumors, and I've read the gossip, but I so didn't want to believe it was true.  But we now have confirmation.  Sigh.  It seems that everyone's favorite multi-talented spitfire little cupcake Kristin Chenoweth is, in fact, dating former Bachelor alum and d-bag pilot Jake Pavelka.  When did the world go so awry?  I'd hoped that she was his beard, but it doesn't seem like that is the case.  I don't know what to believe anymore.  Gracious.

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the-bachelor-season-17-sean-lowe-lindsay-yenter

This was a good week for our favorite reality shows!  It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man. 

Lots of networks premiered new seasons of their hit shows, while Bravo maintains steady viewership for its shows that bridged the holiday season.  Whether you were tuning in to Here Comes Honey Boo, NeNe Leakes (WIG!), or Sean this season is going to bLowe try to find love, you were certainly watching!

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