That's right, last weekAdrienne Maloof announced she would not return to the show that made her tacky a nation-wide horror and for that we mourn. Or snark. And you know what that means: it's time for a Housewives Retrospective!
And without further ado, we say good-bye to out first lady of terrible facelifts, Adrienne!
Oh dear! We're on Real Housewives War, Vol 2 million. Last week comedian Chelsea Handler had a rather lackluster and brutal appearance on Watch What Happens Live. She openly told Andy Cohen that his brainchild, The Real Housewives franchise, was awful.
"I think that franchise is kind of a terrible thing," Chelsea remarked to Andy. "Women shouldn't be making money off of the fact that they have fake books, fake vaginas, fake whatever. I actually don't support that."
When Andy reminded her that she'd had some Housewives as guests, Chelsea quickly clarified she had "one," Bethenny Frankel. "Not even Brandi Glanville," Chelsea pointed out.
"I love the Housewives," Chelsea quipped sarcastically. Ironically for someone complaining about how fake the Housewives are, Chelsea dear has had a whole lotta botox. Dang girl – surprised you can move that mouth slapped into the middle of a too-tight shiny face.
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies left Paris. They returned to the BH where the antics picked up where they left off and we learned Faye Resnick hadn't fallen off the face of the earth in their stead but instead was just waiting frozen faced and clammy in the cryogenic chamber for their return.
Splits Richards opened her very own boutique cause she's bored all day and if Kathy Hilton did it why can't she? And oh yeah – Taylor Armstrong got a rude awakening! Sweet justice.
Things begin with Splits waltzing onto the Ledo Deck in a full-on circus tent refashioned into a skirt. Apparently said skirt, a cacophony of patterns and colors, is available for $900 at her store. Oh, Kyle… at least you never lose hope! There's that right? I was a wee bit disappointed she didn't hop onto the mast for a full-flying Titanic rendition.
Adrienne was reportedly using the relationship as leverage to return for season 4, but producers were disinterested in the idea. That must of been the nail in the coffin for this publicity stunt relationship!
"They've decided to distance themselves and become friends. Nothing bad happened," an Adriennesource tells Us Weekly. "They're still going to hang out as friends, they enjoy each other's company."
I want y'all to think back to a simpler time…a time when neighbors were friends, and they washed Cornish game hens in dish washing soap and had dinner parties together. A time before the skies grew dark, and one friend with blue hair feathers got mad at another satin cloaked friend for not having her satin cloaked daughter's bachelorette party at feather-mane's casino. I miss those days. NOT! While I generally don't enjoy conflict (it makes me super uncomfortable), there is something about the Lisa Vanderpump/Adrienne Maloof feud that is oh, so entertaining.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars used to be pals, but now there's an unfair fight brewing in the tabloids. A now fired Adrienne is taking every opportunity to badmouth her former friend, and she should have learned long ago that talking smack about Lisa never ends well for the smack talker. Lisa is smart enough not to start any drama, but when it comes her way, she silences it with some biting and witty remarks that make said smack talker look like an idiot. And let's be honest, shall we? Adrienne is already struggling with her image, and her new plan of spewing hate on Lisa's restaurant Villa Blanca is quickly backfiring.
Apparently Adrienne has continued her vengeance proximity to Lisa Vanderpump by deciding to open a new restaurant on mere streets away from Lisa's Villa Blanca. Is she hiring Bernie to fry up some scandalous accusations?
Adrienne has also been butchering Lisa's business; declaring her new venture a "10" while dismissing Lisa's well-established restaurant as "a disaster" and rating it a "2." Adrienne is even turning it into a competition with Lisa according to TMZ, telling associates she is going to "kick her ass!"
On last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills I was a little tad bit disappointed in Lisa Vanderpump. I want her to be unimpeachable. I want her to be pristine. I must accept – as we must all – that Lisa is only human. Lisa made a passive aggressive Splits Richards-esque comment toKim Richards (whom I will henceforth refer to as Rambles) because she was late to a cooking party.
Lisa joked this would be a repeat of Hawaii when everyone spent the whole trip waiting on Rambles. Then she asked if Kim took a sleeping pill. It was no bueno. Lisa said it, of course, in a teasing tone but Rambles got defensive and petulent. I know Lisa meant no harm and she is direct, but Kim is vulnerable (and a walking emotional volcano).
Lisa spent the entire evening discussing the Kim situation with Kyle and Mauricio instead of coming up to Kim and saying 'Look, I'm sorry. It was an inappropriate joke.' No instead she told everyone she had hurt Kim's feelings and didn't really know why or what to do. And Rambles complained that Lisa was "fake" and was trying to make her look bad.