I don't know what to think. Is this a 4-way gang up on Lisa Vanderpump? Or is this Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Fosterwere once on a Dream Team with Lisa and for some odd reason decided to split and take Lisa down by pulling others into the middle?
Meaning, that yes – Lisa was part of "tabloids-in-the-suitcase-gate" which is the new necklace-gate, which is the new-skipped-my-party-gate, which is the new stop-being-my-mama-gate which is the new ewww-get-my-husband's-mistress-out-my-plastic-face-gate, which is the new hair-flip-your-friends-talk-ish-about-you-gate, which is the new don't-talk-about-my-husband's-ALLEGED-cheating-gate. Basically we've come full circle and we're back to talking about Kyle Richardsand Mauricio's cheating, which NO ONE – I repeat NO ONE – cared about in the first place except Kyle who probably planted the stories to begin with!
Of course, Joyce is also giving us her take on Monday's episode. She begins her Bravo blog, "I want to thank you all for the cyber friendship and the support you've given me through this journey called Housewives. I also want to take advantage of this platform to answer something lots of you have been asking. For those who've asked me on social media how I feel about the fact that Brandi uses every chance she can to try to disrespect me, all I can say is that she is a classless person who thinks everything she says is OK and funny. Apparently she has no friends to tell her that making racial remarks, backstabbing all her fellow Housewives, making horrible remarks about other women (Joanna Krupa and Kenya Moore), and talking crap in all the interviews that are meant to be about her book are not OK…Sorry Brandi! Your card is overplayed and you have zero comedic timing! You are not funny and since I learned to take things from the source…Knock yourself out and keep proving me right."
Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal! If Brandi Glanville was back pedaling any faster, she'd be going in reverse! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has been in some hot water with her "friends" lately after "repeating" gossip regarding Lisa Vanderpump's finances and trying to pin it on Kyle Richards. She's now weighing in on what happened between Kyle and Carlton Gebbia and that blue-skull-peace-offering-washed-to-get-rid-of-bad-ju-ju-is-it-a-ring-or-a-crown-do-we-care situation. Ridiculous. Of course, Brandi is calling it like she sees it, but this time around, she's quick to insert compliments and let us know just how much she loves this group of women. Even Lisa.
Taking to her Bravo blog, Brandi begins with a little self-deprecating humor. I guess she figures if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. She begins, "Let me just start by saying after seeing my spray tan, I am definitely getting back into the gym to work on my mommy pooch. At this point Kim [Richards] and I were getting very close, and I really am happy to have come such a long way with her from when we first met." And they certainly have done a complete one-eighty from the crutch stealing and meth accusations, haven't they? Such cute biffles!
Back in my last life when I taught first grade, I used to read "Which Witch Is Which" to my students around Halloween. For some reason, when I watch this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the same question resonates in my head! Is it the actual Wiccan Carlton Gebbia? Kyle Richards for her comments? Brandi Glanville? I just don't know anymore. Of course, Carlton thinks there is no bigger bwitch (my new hybrid word) in 90210 than Splits and Joyce Giraud. I think someone needs to Escape from Witch Mountain! Who's with me? Kim? (Sorry, couldn't resist!).
In her Bravo blog, Carlton has had enough of the judgment and hypocrisy, so she goes and does the proper amount of judgment towards Kaftan Kyle herself. Perhaps these ladies should be friends as they seem to act in the same general manner!
Everything Housewives gets "gated". And here on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we have graduated from cheating-gate, and hair-gate, and lastminutecancellation-gate, to necklace-gate; and most excitingly: you'recursed-gate. It's been a while since we've had a good curse on Housewives #Season1CamilleGrammer #Pernicious.
So that's what we're dealing with here and like sand through the hourglass these here are the days of our caftans. Cause you know, Kyle Richards was on Days of Our Lives for a splits richards second.
Anyway, Brandi Glanville has a problem with her tongue and her mouth and her speech and her general planet trashiness was affected by wonky aspirin. Which is a good thing because she also has a problem with *gasp* Lisa Vanderpump. Appprrrrrntly, Lisa holds within her bejeweled hands the power to deport people, destroy their lives, poison their aspirin, and dig up their ex-husband's long-dead mistress from the grave to release her from her coffin on the very moment when you walk into a Bravo-sponsored season finale party at her restaurant. Or something like that that. Cause if anyone knows how to work a good curse it's not plastic tits on a tan witch Snarlton Gebbia, but Giggy-loving Lisa!
If Kyle Richards wrote a memoir, I'd like to think she she title it "Kaftans and Hypocrisy: The Splits Richards Story." It's got bestseller written all over it, doesn't it? The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star can't get over how hypocritical co-star Carlton Gebbia has been, yet she can't see how bad her own behavior is towards former bestie Lisa Vanderpump. I was hoping that when Kyle watched last week's episode and saw Lisa defend her to Carlton, she'd feel badly for not returning the favor when Brandi Glanville was bad mouthing Lisa. Not so much! Why am I not surprised?
In her Bravo blog, Kyle begins, "This week is the kick off to some real craziness coming up. Buckle up! Mauricio and I received an invitation to Carlton and David's event and then after the dinner party received a 'disinvite.' I think it was a given I wouldn't go, but if Carlton felt the need to make sure I wasn't going to attend, I think the disinviting should have been directed to both Mauricio and myself. I'm not sure if she actually thought my husband would show up without me or she just wanted to add salt to the wound."
"Speaking with Lisa about the whole Kyle ordeal was painful again, but after explaining I knew she saw my point of view. I definitely think Lisa was absolutely right about Kyle after watching the flashbacks from last year," Carlton writes in her Bravo Blog. "And now Kyle keeps speaking negatively about Lisa behind her back at every opportunity she has, then smiles to her face. But Lisa consistently defends Kyle to me."
"As if I didn't have enough reasons to dislike her. I personally know Lisa to be a wonderful soul, certainly not mean or manipulating, and she always seems to be the voice of reason. I don't like watching some of the women starting to talk negatively about her. That has not been my experience with her at all."
Many, many seasons ago Splits Richardswas the queen's lady-in-waiting, but she aspired to be the queen. She teamed up with an evil stepsister named Adrienne and was exposed for talking ish about the queen and conspiring to tear her down. She even compared the queen's ruling to a mad, mad game of chess!
The queen was hurt so she built a beautiful fortress high in the hills surrounded by roses, which are very beautiful and fragrant but guard their beauty with thorns. Meanwhile the lady-in-waiting wilted and wilted until all the was left was a sad mass of yesteryear's hair. She desperately wanted a place in the sun again and begged the queen for forgiveness. The queen reminded her that she had looked into her crystal ball - Swarvoski crystal, hand-cut and cast, mind you - and realized that the friendship had never been true because once people show themselves to you, the giggy is up.