Oh the twists and turns of last night’s Bachelor Pad. I have to admit, with the exception of predicting a camping date, I had it all wrong…
Blakely Jones is so thrilled that her alliance had her back. I wonder if she’ll ever realize they weren’t keeping her around because they like her, it’s because five-star crazy is fun to watch, and they know she’ll never win. Chris Bukowski crawls into his top bunk and burrows under his covers. Jamie Sarah Newlon comes to his bed and starts baby-talking to him. He’s pouting sleeping. Chris reluctantly lets girl number three crawl into his bunk.
Kalon McMahon walks into the bedroom, and Chris wants to know why his buddy lied to his face. Chris demolishes a rose and throws the petals at Kalon. “How romantic,” coos Kalon, “Must be how you won Emily.” Ouch. With that Chris hops out of bed to go confront Ed Swiderski, leaving Sarah looking a lot like Jamie last week. Ed says he’s more loyal to Jaclyn Swartz than he is to Chris. When Ed raises his voice to be heard over Chris, Chris starts screaming to talk like an adult. He’s something else, isn’t he? I hope Sarah is picking up these red flags. Ed can’t apologize anymore, so he’s out…and a wine glass gets smashed in the process. Mazel Tov!
Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Staglianois like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!
Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”
Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.
Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.
Tonight’s episode features the never-ending fighting between the super fan twins Brittany and Erica Taltos, a rhythmic gymnastics challenge, Ed‘s pickles, and a surprising rose ceremony.
Are these blonde twins for real? Their voices and fights are mind numbing.
“Stop yelling at me,” says one. ”You called me a slut,” says the other.
“Stop yelling at me!”
“You did it. I cried. You did it again. I cried again. You did it againnn. I cried againnn.”
“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry I called you a slut. I won’t do it again, okay? I wouldn’t have said it if I were sober.”
I have no clue which one is Erica and which one is Brittany. The others are saying how annoying the twins are and that they’re walking episodes of the Jerry Springer show. It’s a sad day in your life when the Bachelor Pad contestants are making fun of you.
Oh, Bachelor Pad, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… right after I grab a loofah and scrub off the germs. I swear, just watching this show puts us all at risk of venereal diseases. Bachelor Pad 3 is summer TV at its finest, isn’t it?
As Chris Harrison welcomes us, I realize this puts me at five hours of Chris Harrison for the week. What has my life come to? Perhaps I can find some old reruns of Designer’s Challenge on HGTV just for fun. Thankfully, Chris shifts his focus from true love forever to smutty and disgusting seamlessly, so no time is wasted. Let the train wreck begin!
First,Emily Maynard‘s final four castaway, Chris Bukowski. Chris sits on his leather couch, wearing a jacket and shoes, reflecting on his heartbreak. Are we supposed to believe this is the exact minute Emily kicked him away? Chris “knows” going on the Bachelor Pad will help him move on from Emily. He mentions falling in love, also. He’s funny. Chris is looking forward to meeting Lindzi Cox.
The Men Tell All, The Parade of Tools, The Reincarnation of the 3 Stooges… however you label it, it’s still the Bachelorette starring Emily Maynard<yawn> Two hours of video recaps and retells taped in front of one very reactive audience <SCREAMS!> makes me wish I drank wine.
Chris Harrison welcomes us by asking, “Who here would finally like to see Emily find the love of her life?” Raising my hand! If it means she’ll go away, then, by all means, let’s get this woman hitched. Jef Holm and Arie Luyendyk, Jr. are not there, but the men who escaped a lifetime of love few short months of happiness with Emily are. Yippee.
Sean is there! <SCREAMS!> Kalon is there! <BOO!> Seriously, the audience is so over the top.
It’s Bachelor Pad time, y’all! And ABC has finally released the cheesy bikini shots of the cast members who have given up their public quest for love and instead have decided to embark on a public quest for money. ABC is promising the most controversial season yet. That’s what they always say.
[Photo Credits: ABC.com]
Bachelor Pad 3 premiers July 23 at 8/7c on ABC.
ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT BACHELOR PAD? THOUGHTS ON ADDING THE “SUPER FANS” TO THE LINE-UP?
This week on the Bachelorette, Emily Maynard visits the hometowns of the final four suckers for a pretty blonde – Chris Bukowski, Jef Holm, Arie Luyendyk, Jr., and Sean Lowe. Matching the rest of the season, it’s one of the most uneventful hometown episodes ever. There are the standard meets and greets, uneaten dinners, one-on-one grilling sessions, and claims of love. Emily’s conversations mostly fall flat, as she’s seriously lacking personality. Yet, as always, the families are completely willing to accept Emily into their lives after spending just two hours with her.
Before she begins the visits, Emily heads home to Charlotte to see Ricki. While she’s there, she thinks about the final four men. According to Emily:
Chris is sweet and open. Jef has the edge that Emily looks for in a guy, and she feels comfortable with him. Emily felt an immediate connection with Arie. He brings fun and excitement into her life. (And he’s a really good kisser.) Sean makes Emily feel safe. Sean is “perfect.”