In today’s installment of ’50 Ways To Go Insane’, listening to Farrah Abraham‘s voice for an hour is at the tippity-top of my list. Luckily for all of you lovely people, I took one for the team and listened to Farrah’s interview with the ‘Allegedly‘ podcast and I wrote down all the juicy bits. So while I’m icing my brain in a vat of vodka, all of you, please – read-on. Really – you owe it to me…
Farrah discussed everything from love, motherhood, God, politics, her success, and what’s next in her oh-so busy life.
“I’m not a thirsty bitch! I have plenty of H20,” declares Farrah. “I know how to give passion more unto the universe and I think it lacks it so much that I wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t improve where I was. That’s the kinda soul that I got.”
It’s hard for me to take Dr. Drew seriously after watching him placate the many delusional wonders of the Teen Mom franchise. Despite that he ever-so-rarely calls Original Crazy Farrah Abraham out on her nonsense, or questions her behavior, Dr. Drew is finally admitting that Farrah irritates the hell out of him. Finally something we have in common!
Over the many years, Dr. Drew has been barely dealing with the many issues of Farrah, all under the pretense of being a psychiatrist, he explains that she’s “not awful,” but the many-layered reality star is awfully “frustrating.” He also pretty much calls her crazy.
Farrah Abraham has come forward as the ninth woman to accuse James Deen of sexual assault. As you’ll recall, the Teen Mom star made a “sex tape” with porn star James Deen in 2013. Farrah insisted that she and James were dating at the time (he said nope) and that the sex tape, now known as Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom, was meant to be for her eyes only (he said nope). Farrah sold the video to Vivid.
A year later, Farrah claimed she had been drugged and raped. It was assumed at the time that she meant while promoting her sex tape at porn conventions, however, Farrah came forward yesterday to say that it was actually James who drugged and raped her.
“James Deen raped me for his benefit of fame,” Farrah told Daily Mail. “He conspired against me with others that I thought were my friends at the time and that was very hurtful. I let it all go and I wanted to move on; due to the public and others in the media believing an abusive womanizer, sex addict, disgusting, unprofessional, adult entertainer’s lies.”
If you’ve been waiting for the perfect time to buy your very own piece of Farrah Abraham‘s DNA – aren’t we all? – today is it. Reason #1 – It’s on sale. You can own a piece of Farrah for only $49.99. Believe it or not the regular price is $99. Reason #2 – Farrah has been fired by the company that sells the DNA, so she won’t get any money.
“I would like to use this platform and DNA-based jewelry item to raise money for Operation Underground Railroad,” said Farrah. “Giving hope and knowledge can create change through DNA. When my daughter Sophia had to get a DNA test it changed her life and created a better future for her. I hope my legacy can change the world for the younger generation and save them from sex trafficking for a brighter future.”
In a recent interview, the Teen Mom OG star questioned whether or not Brody Jenner was qualified to host his new sex talk show on E!, Sex with Brody. Farrah, who recently launched a new line of sex toys for women, asked, “Does Brody even have any novelty items?”
Farrah added, “I think Brody should take a break and it should be called Sex with Farrah. I feel like a sex talk show with me wold pretty much be epic. I think I would send all of my call-ins my novelty toys.” Watch your back, Brody!
It’s been a long time since we’ve heard from our good friend Farrah Abraham. But there have been two rumors about her circulating recently and we felt the need to update you, her fans. HA. I’m just kidding. Farrah’s only fan is Farrah. Um, and maybe Teen Mom 2 stalker Adam Lind, which brings me to the first rumor. Brace yourselves. It’s a doozy.
Rumor #1 – Adam wants to break into the porn industry, and he thinks the easiest way to shoot to super-porn-stardom is to make a tape with Farrah, the backdoor to endless possibilities.
“Adam is eager to get into the porn world and thinks that Farrah would make the perfect partner,” claimed a totally reliable source. #sarcasm “Adam loves what Farrah has done with her Teen Mom career. He thinks they could really rake in a lot of money since they’re both celebrities.” HAHAHAHA <celebrities> HAHAHA <can’t breathe> HAHAHAHA
Of course, when I say current events, I mean how Farrah thinks she could save Hank Baskett and Kendra Wilkinson‘s marriage, how Fox News practically admitted they’re out to get her, and how Farrah “dabbles” with businessmen. Surely no one expected anything deep or relevant to the real world, right?