So last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was, dare I say it, fun! And positive. I was clearly watching the wrong show. Or I fell into the Twilight Zone.
While Teresa Giudice and Poison are practicing their "I Feel" statements with Dr. V in the anti-psychotic chamber, the rest of the crew (with Caroline Manzonow in attendance!) is discussing Jacqueline Laurita. Yes, Teresa blames Jacqueline for the Mayan Calendar failing to drop a house on Melissa Gorga's head. And yes, Jacqueline blames Teresa for her spontaneous combustion which left nothing but some wine corks and a pile of old tweets on Chris' pillow.
So anyway, Jacqueline is here in spirit. Evil spirit!
After Dr. V convinces Teresa and Poison they need to like spend time together not arguing and everyone hugs, Melissa comes in. I was really confused about when Tammy Faye Baker was cast on RHONJ, but there she was sitting there with Dr. V and Poison tearing up and refusing to take responsibility for anything. Huh… OH – wait – that was just Teresa with the worst, most ridiculous eye makeup ever. Seriously, she is so much prettier without the crazy eyelashes and the bad weave.
You know, I have mad respect for how hard the ladies of the housewives' franchise work. When they aren't filming drama-licious episodes, they are on a constant media tour, touting their products, and giving a whirlwind of interviews. Of course, we all know that no housewife is on her game more than Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice, and you have to give her mad respect for that!
Speaking to Out In Jersey, Tre dishes on everything from her favorite dishes (what a segue!) to her family dramz. Of her latest cookbook Fabulicious On The Grill, Teresa opines, "It's really refreshing right?! This book is all about eating clean, and exercising of course. You are what you eat, people need to get that by now," adding, "I've been exercising for the past two seasons and it's been great, they really go hand in hand. I cook the way you see in the book, simple and easy, and always with fresh ingredients. That's really what people need to understand, it doesn't have to be fancy. You can make a great meal with fresh and simple ingredients."
Teresa also reveals that she's always had a passion for cooking, and she hopes that her girls will share her love of all things culinary. She says, "I'm first generation Italian, it's definitely what I love to do. The cooking, the cleaning, all of the traditional things like that, like the old days. I really think that the new generation loses that, and it's really important. Those are the things that were instilled in me, like keeping a good house and having old school values. I want my daughters to do these things for their families, which is what really inspired me to do the books. It's a memoir for my daughters to have for the future."
Discussing how it's hard to re-watch the drama after the fact, Kathy explains, "It scratches the surface again and that hurt keeps coming up. It’s hard to watch it because you’re like, ‘Oh my God—that’s what we look like.’ Sometimes it’s about the hurt and not about the actions that make is so bad. And we’ve come so far that you don’t want that to suck you back in."
She adds, "You have to rise above it and say, ‘Okay, I’m glad I’m not there anymore.’ It’s easy to add negativity because you now see what the other party was saying and you can easily start saying things and falling into that trap. You start reliving those patterns so you’re really not in a better place if you allow yourself to do the same things. Then you really haven’t learned anything."
Things begin with a sauced up and (spray on hair'd up) Joe Gorga charging the brother-in-law who destroyed his life, Joe Giudice. These people are the living embodiment of a soap opera, only not as devious and calculating. Except for Melissa… So anyway, Poison charges at Juicy and unfortunately Juicy immediately drops him and begins punching him.
Poor Melissa Gorga leaps on top of Juicy to try and pry him away from her precious little husbanito. "Teresa, help your brother!" she screams.
Teresa Giudice is gonna help alright – girlfriend is grabbing her purse, hightailing it out of there, and telling the producers to call the cops. Fire up that party bus cause mama is fleeing the coop! Just kidding, a panicked Teresa bellows to someone to call the cops. Doesn't Juicy have enough felonies?! Do not call the cops, but do get the mace! Or at least some Fabellini to subdue these people.
Back inside fight club, it takes all of the remaining Gorgadice (and Wallpaper) family members to pry Juicy off of Poison. Or Poison off Juicy – I really couldn't tell who was up and who was down at that point, except Melissa, who was shrieking and scratching.
She must have taken her sane pills though because the former Real Housewives of New York star, who is definitely one can short of a six-pack of Diet Coke, is now claiming Bethenny's divorce will work out for the best!
"I don't know if it's really that nasty," Jillusional told E! News. "I don't always believe that kind of press."
And she's positive despite allll the reported acrimony and custody disputes everything will be fine in the end! "They'll work it out," Jill declares. "They'll find a way and they'll work it out because they both love their daughter."
Does Jill have her spies over at Bethenny's house again is that how she's got an inside scoop? Hopefully she's right though and the two can put differences aside for Bryn!
In other Jill news, she held a ladies lunch this weekend and invited all of her reality star friends – Kathy and Rich Wakile, Aviva Drescher, Luann de Lesseps and more – see the gallery below!
Good lord last night's episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was a rare and special breed of ridiculous, wasn't it? So the Gorgadice families went on some silly retreat to put their problems behind them and rebuild. Except it was more passive aggressive blaming and whining from everyone! Yay for something new and exciting.
Things begin over at Casa de Gorga, amid the crumbling faux marble and the collapsing gold-plate archways they are preparing for the big retreat. Melissa Gorga and Poison are doing their vacation dance ritual and getting into the groove by busting some J. Faux moves and encouraging their kids to dance. "Stripper in the house," Poison bellows as his three-year-old twerks, while daddy erratically humps and grinds the air. Yeah! Shake your moneymaker kids. Great parenting…
Antonia helps mommy pack and decides among the must haves are a bible and a stuffed unicorn. Makes sense, unicorns because it would be an absolutely fairy tale to imagine these families getting along. And a bible because you never know who may need an exorcism on a RHONJ trip. All signs point to Teresa!
The latest lady to release a book is Kathy Wakile! Wallpaper just announced that her dessert cookbook INDULGE: Delicious Little Desserts —75 Recipes that Keep Life Real Sweet (from St. Martin's Press) will feature a slew of “user-friendly” recipes for the whole family.