As if the amount of peanut brittle I've eaten today isn't gag-worthy enough, Kris Jenner swoops in to ruin my sugar high with her talk of Kimye's wedding, how in love Yeezus is with daughter Kim Kardashian, and how great things are with Bruce post-separation. It makes me kind of want to poke myself in the eye.
It will come as no surprise that Kim isn't going to tone it down for wedding number three to Kanye West. Shocker! After her million dollar event for a marriage that lasted less than three months, that sounds reasonable enough.
As if her delusions of grandeur aren't troublesome enough already – Farrah Abraham has been named Google's most searched for reality TV star in 2013.
According to Google Zeitgeist, the search phrases "farrah abraham backdoor", "farrah abraham video", "farrah abraham tape", and "farrah abraham full" were wildly popular between May 5 and May 11. Gross. Considering Vivid released the Teen Mom star's porn video on May 6, I'm willing to bet the vast majority of Farrah's fans were more interested in her backdoor than her reality star status.
In the good news department, interest in Farrah (via Google anyway) has been declining since July. Also? Kim Kardashian ranked a lot lower on the list than I would have guessed. My heart sings! However, Teen Mom and Kardashian stories constantly end up at the top of Reality Tea's most viewed list, so neither Farrah nor Kim is going to fade into obscurity anytime soon. Unfortunately.
Don't stop believin' in fame mongers' creativity! FormerReal Housewives of D.C. and White House gate crasher Michaele Salahi has fulfilled every little girls' wedding fantasy by marrying an 80's rock star…on Pay-Per-View.
Michaele and Journey guitarist Neal Schon wed Sunday in front of family, friends, and whoever was dumb enough to pay $14.95 to watch the entire scene go down on television. Granted, a portion of the viewing price went to charity, but still. Is this what we're coming to as a society? Don't answer that…
Do you have a ten-year plan? I do, and it involves a bestselling novel turned blockbuster movie starring Ryan Gosling…and a relationship with Ryan Gosling. Hey girl, it could happen!
Kim Kardashian also has hopes for where her life will be in a decade. Fear not, it will likely still be playing out in front of our eyes as I can't imagine this family has any plans to leave E! anytime soon. Kim recently revealed that she'd like to have two more children with Kanye West. Of course, the family will need an East and a South as siblings for baby North.
Is there trouble in the ultimate fame whoring reality paradise? It seems that someone needs to learn how to behave. Of course, by "behave" I mean that someone needs to stop comparing his creative genius to that of Steve Jobs and the difficulty of his stage performance to that of the effort men and women put forth while defending our country. Kanye West…a true gem.
Unfortunately for Kim Kardashian, pimp momager Kris Jenner is getting very tired her daughter's fiance's negative portrayal in the media. She's ready for the tiny rapping to stop with his ridiculous rants and get on board with the gravy train known as her family's brand.