Kristen Doute

James

It’s a topsy-turvy world out there in SUR and last night’s Vanderpump Rules dove into its favorite subjects – cheating and Lisa Vanderpump‘s fabulosity!

Is there anything more confusing than a woman who is not only willing to have sex with James Kennedy, but do the sex in essentially a cot in the corner of his dorm room? Oh yes, there IS something more confusing – that this woman is willing to admit this sex on national television! The bright lights of LVP‘s sparkles reflected by Bravo cameras can cause a girl to lose her mind!

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Scheana Marie Shay

I used to root for Katie Maloney to come out of Stassi Schroeder‘s shadow on Vanderpump Rules, but now that she has, she’s getting the mean girl edit as the new leader of the clique. Katie, Stassi, and Kristen Doute do not like LaLa Kent and they never have. So obviously they want to ostracize her to the point where it wouldn’t make sense for her to be in the cast and they can get LaLa off of (what they perceive to be) their show. And you know that squad was not going to tolerate Scheana Marie Shay being friendly with LaLa.

I can see why they wouldn’t want their friend to be friends with a woman that they have declared to be an enemy – but come on, LaLa is a SUR hostess and Scheana is a waitress, so they have to communicate every single time they’re at the restaurant. Why wouldn’t they just try to be pleasant when they interact? It doesn’t mean they have to be best friends, or even be friends at all, but having a civil rapport sounds better than being miserable every single shift. But maybe I’m just being too logical about this since Scheana seems to disagree.

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Scheana

High school… these problems matter! These people are in high school like the original cast of 90210 were. Meaning the “kids” on Vanderpump Rules are 30 going on 13, and it’s ridiculous.

Last night, Katie Maloney, Bridezilla of West Hollywood (she may actually just be straight up Godzilla at this point because she does seem to think she’s God), demanded Scheana Marie never, ever have an opinion contrary to Katie’s, like, ever again, and if Scheana does like ever, ever, ever deign to think for herself, she will be dumped like room temperature white wine.

Katie is the one who needs to be bumped – by Tom 2 and everyone else. She and Stassi Schroeder deserve each other.

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kristen-doute-wwhl

Vanderpump Rules star Kristen Doute and comedienne Vanessa Bayer were Andy’s guests tonight on WWHL. Kristen showed off her new veneers, talked about James Kennedy and continues to stand her ground on Lala Kent.

On James calling her a ‘special needs kid’ she says that it was offensive because Carter’s mom and sister are both special needs teachers.

kristen-stassi-katie

Kristen Doute is taking a stance on the important issues of our time and proposing a total ban on Lala Kent. I mean, a girls gotta take a stand for what she believes in.

Kristen feels the Vanderpump Rules cast’s decision to block Lala and James Kennedy is legit because they were never friends with them to begin with, and it’s not like worth their time to get to know them.

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Tom and Jax

Vanderpump Rules is having some sort of quarter life crisis. While Stassi Schroeder is playing the adoring sycophant, Katie Maloney is attempting to reinvent herself as season 1 and 2 Stassi. It’s a piss-poor imitation though because Katie lacks the razor-sharp edge and sheer cunning wit required to pull off Stassi-ness, not to mention Katie lacks the conviction with which Stassi conducted herself as empress of the skirtsteaks. Also Katie doesn’t own a statement necklace which is like the scrunchie of SUR.

Katie is a mere “Fetch,” trying to force herself to happen as the leader of the SUR tribe, except she’s nothing but a sheep in wolf’s clothing. And she needs to give Stassi back her fur.

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bravo-pump-rules-tom-schwartz

If you’re easily grossed out, you might want to skip tonight’s episode of Vanderpump Rules! Or at least don’t have steak for dinner before watching it (you definitely won’t want steak for a while after watching it…).  Tonight Tom Schwartz dishes up some revenge to Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval and it’s gag-inducing, but brings him a whole lot of joy. We’ll leave it at that and not spoil it for you.

Also on tonight’s episode, Katie Maloney asks Stassi, Scheana, and Kristen Doute to be her bridesmaids. Katie excludes Ariana Madix from her list of chosen ones because she’s upset that Ariana is still talking to Lala Kent.  Katie later questions her decision to include Scheana when she’s seen being friendly to Lala.

Kristen Doute

Kristen Doute swears she is a whole new girl, and because of that, this season of Vanderpump Rules is her favorite one yet. Considering how every other season has literally been in the toilet of the SUR bathroom for Kristen, I can’t imagine how things could get any worse?

According to Kristen, season five “feels like a throwback to season one with everyone being back together.”

Kristen insists she has learned from her mistakes. “It was a huge wake up call seeing this stuff on TV,” she describes. Unfortunately, many fans are “still stuck on ‘Crazy Kristen’ and ‘Why are you trying to stalk Tom Sandoval and trying to break up Ariana and Tom?’ It’s like, that was four years ago!” laments Kristen. “There’s been a change.”

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