Last night on Vanderpump Rules there was an intervention, some couples therapy, and one doomed relationship after another. Happy vibes!
Despite the fact that Shay is still MIA (in his parents basement), Scheana Marie is rallying like the supermodel she is by smizing with her saddest ‘I’m crying through my tears’ face as she models tiara-shaped hair clips, and giant gold crown headbands for Katie Maloney‘s new website Pucker & Pout.
Oh Scheana, you do sooooo much for your friends. Taking quick breaks to hold back tears so not to muss her makeup, Scheana sniffles, “Lisa told me to breathe through my nose.” Oh Scheana, you poor unfortunate soul whose husband became a Vicodin addict JUST so you could have a storyline about how love is harder than the diamond you covet so super bad!
Kristen Doutewill, yet again, be at the center of another dramatic season of Vanderpump Rules – and once again Kristen will find herself at the center of a cheating scandal! As we know, her now ex-boyfriend James Kennedy hooked up with one of Scheana Marie‘s friends. Although James confessed to Kristen that he made out with the other girl, we know that much MUCH more went on! When Kristen finds out the truth, she and James of the Baby Beamer Selfies are no more!
Kristen is relieved that she’s no longer with her “not awesome ex-boyfriend” James, whom she is “extremely embarrassed” to have ever dated.
The cameras caught our favorite reality stars out and about on both coasts this week/weekend. Ramona Singer, Sheila Rosenblum, and Dorinda Medley attended the Sheila Rosenblum Resident Magazine Cover Party at Soho Contemporary Art Gallery. Earlier in the week, Sonja Morgan celebrated her 25A Magazine cover at Beautique in NYC.
Last night on Vanderpump Rules we got a little taste ofLala Kent, the manipulative little she-houdini. We also got a glimpse of Scheana Marie‘s marriage when her keeping up appearances failed. Then Lisa Vanderpump called Ken “the big cock” and all else was forgotten!
Lisa takes Scheana and Katie Maloney shopping for new SUR uniforms because she now wants her survers to look like 1950’s diner waitresses. The true intention, however, was Lisa putting the kibosh on how Scheana and Katie have been treating pooooooor, whiiiddle sweet Lala, of the Britney Spears Academy For The Not That Innocent (she got straight A’ss).
Some may think Kristen Doute was busy needling a James Kennedy voodoo doll full of holes after the airing of Vanderpump Rules this week. And those people would be (nearly) correct! After witnessing James’ on-camera apology to Kristen over his supposed PG-13 “indiscretion” with Jenna (after Scheana Marie’s birthday party), Kristen then got a first-time glimpse of James’ televised interview. You know, the one in which he bragged about “boning” Jenna after all?!
Kristen admits she was initially forgiving of James because, “At the time, I didn’t really have a reason not to believe James and DAMN his story was convincing. There was a slight doubt in my mind, but I blamed myself for that because of the mistakes I had made (and lies I had told) in past relationships.” She argues, “James did his homework and knew exactly how to play me. Watching the episode back I felt naive and betrayed. To hear him compliment Jenna at the after party the way that he did, as I sat there, and then brag about ‘boning’ her while I stupidly took him back was beyond humiliating.”
I could watch Vanderpump Rules forever, like on a loop, one never-ending Kristen Doute messy relationship after another. Oh wait, I am! HAHA – funny how that’s working out. Kristen cheated on Tom Sandoval, blamed Tom 1 for their relationship being awful, bragged about the wondrous peen of James Kennedy, then their relationship ended up being equally awful in all the same ways, Kristen returned to her nagging, stalking, threatening, emotionally manipulative, meltdowns and… well you know what happened! James cheated! Didn’t think he had the balls. Literally.
Is that karma, or just the laws of physics. Whatever – I’m sensing a pattern here. Is that pattern Kristen?
We’re only one week into season 4 of Vanderpump Rules, and Kristen Doute is already fighting off rumors of her own making. Last week, Kristen posted a pic of her undergoing facial reconstructive surgery, captioning it: “just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen! how I spent my #pumprules premiere.”
The post made people wonder: did Kristen get into a scrap at the VPR premiere party? Did Lisa Vanderpump finally haul off and punch Kristen in the eye socket? Was Giggy involved!?!?! Alas, no. None of the above. Kristen was simply getting her face fixed from falling out of an Uber a few weeks prior. You know, like we all drunkenly do from time to time!