Last night was the 90 minute finale of Teen Mom 2. Doesn’t MTV realize that some of us have to go to bed at a decent hour? It’s not a feature length movie (yet), it’s a weekly television program. Sheesh.

The show begins as Jenelle heads out west and she moves to Beverly, Hills that is enters a rehab program. She’s met at the airport by a counselor (?) and shares her fears and anxieties with him as she texts on the way to her Malibu center. The staff searches her bags, and she is quick to admit there may be a “blunt wrapper” or two among her belongings. A quick urine test reveals that she has marijuana in her system. No biggie. She meets with her therapist who lectures her on any drug talk. Jenelle tells her that she wants to repair the relationship with her mother, and her only problem with weed is that she’s not allowed to smoke it. Fair enough. Dr. Drew? Are you watching?


Kailyn lunches with a friend and admits that on the most recent visitation things with Jo “went a little too far.” Her friend finds this information just as shocking as when Kailyn said she was pregnant. She wants to come clean with Jordan, and she hopes he’ll understand. Sure he will.

After acing her practice GED, Chelsea tries for the real thing. She only has four more subjects to conquer. Chelsea hasn’t seen Adam in over a month, but she’s trying to put that out of her mind. She tells her mom about how much she loves Aubree as her best friend, as her toddler bursts into tears. Her mother invites her a car show in hopes of trolling for dudes. Chelsea questions her mom as to whether she thinks Adam will be in attendance. Of course he will – it’s a car show. Duh. Chelsea seems on board, but I have to ask, is this her normal Adam-avoiding mother talking or is it MTV trying to create a scenario? I’m going with the latter.

Leah’s divorce attorney has advised her not to speak with Corey. She’s been living with her twins at her mom’s house for over a week while waiting for her new trailer to be ready. Corey learns via the newspaper that his new bride has filed for divorce. He misses his girls. His sweet father reminds him to remain cordial as Leah is the mother of his children. Corey and his camo hat agree…they aren’t going to make the situation ugly. Over pedicures, Leah explains to her friend that she thought her marriage was for better or worse, and once Corey made those vows, she thought he would adhere to them. Her friend agrees, stating that obviously Corey wasn’t ready to be married. Um, last time I checked, Corey didn’t cheat on his fiancee, nor did he file for divorce. Corey texts Leah requesting the girls for the weekend. Her lawyer told her not to let Corey see the twins until his lawyer contacts her. Leah chalks up the relationship failure as Corey’s doing since he was the first to see a lawyer. Yeah, that totally makes him the bad guy. Not.

On her first day in rehab, Jenelle meets with the medical director. She admits to him that she thinks she is suffering from depression, and she discusses her family history of bi-polar disorder. After filling out a survey, the doctor states he believes she has issues with anxiety and could possibly be bi-polar. Why is she wearing an arm splint? What did I miss?

Chelsea is excited about going to the car show so she can get out of the house, although she hopes she won’t see Adam. When she spots him (surprise, surprise!) she wants to a) vomit; b) run; or c) both. As her mother tries to comfort her, I realize that she is where Chelsea gets her uber-whiney voice.

Jordan is on his way to Kailyn’s and she’s nervous to tell him what happened…and so far all we know is that things “went farther when they should have.” Across town, Jo’s brother questions Jo as to why he got home so late after his visitation. Jo’s answer is that “things went farther than they should have” he and Kailyn got tied up having sex in the shower. Jo’s brother wonders why Jo would want to get messed up in that mess again given the couple was getting along so well went they weren’t together.

Leah confides in her mom that pedicure friend/the girl who tells her what she wants to hear, will be moving in with her and the twins so she’ll have a friend to drink with some help. Leah hates that Corey hasn’t seen his daughters, but hey, lawyer’s orders, right? Besides, to hear Leah talk, he started this whole thing. Her mom agrees that Leah should listen to her lawyer before showing her daughter some recently ordered wedding photos. Who does that? Leah breaks down bawling. #scriptedmuch?

Chelsea is trying her best to forget that she spotted Adam across a crowded car show. She gets her GED score for the first section, and she knocked it out of the park. Due to this awesome news she tries to teach Aubree to fist bump and then calls Adam to share her triumph. He immediately asks if she bombed. He’s a stand-up guy.

Jenelle is struggling in rehab without her phone and internet. She’s bored. To her counselor, she describes herself as impulsive, smart, and angry. Accurate. She admits to craving weed and begins to sob. She keeps talking about missing the ganja, but no mention of missing Jace. I do love how the staff is supportive while still being matter-of-fact. There is no sugar coating and no sympathy.

Leah and her future roommate go to see the trailer her parents’ bought for her. Her friend is proud that Leah “did this all by herself.” Sure she did, on her parents’ dime. This trailer is much nicer than the one she shared with Corey as it has no foundation and is several feet off the ground. Perhaps the twins can play hide-and-seek underneath it? Leah’s attorney’s office calls her with her instructions on Corey’s immediate visitation and her time to get her belongings. She takes off her rings. Leah plans to keep her band, as it’s engraved with the twins’ names. What will become of the engagement ring? Hocking it It’s too soon to decide.

Kailyn kind of admits her indiscretions with Jo to Jordan. I hear no mention of sex in the shower, just that “Jo stayed longer than he should have.” Kailyn is automatically on the defensive and Jordan and his hood decide to hit the road. Kailyn can’t understand why he’s so mad…she never said she cheated, she just said things went too far. She is upset that Jordan can’t understand the bond between her and Jo. Why is she yelling at him? What did he do wrong…besides those horrible hoodies? Idiot (her, not him).

Adam’s parents want to see Aubree so Adam is coming to pick her up for the weekend. NO! Chelsea can’t be strong when faced with actual Adam. She was hoping that Adam’s mom, who is not attractive to Chelsea, would be making the toddler switch. Curses. She shares her worries with her mom who does a smirking nod, like “Oh, that’s my girl.” Chelsea goes to straighten her hay hair in anticipation of her beau’s return.

After two weeks in rehab, Jenelle finally has phone privileges. Kieffer is all about calling, being passive aggressive, telling Jenelle she clearly doesn’t care about him, and then hanging up when she tries to speak. Healthy. There is a group session with Jenelle, her counselor, and Barbara via phone. Barbara wants to repair the pair’s relationship, but anytime she’s asked about Jace and answers honestly, Jenelle blows a gasket. Time’s up after about two minutes. Barbara says that Jace is used to her and Jenelle hears Jace only loves Barbara. I hope the therapist knows what she’s doing because she seems to agree with Jenelle. I am hoping there was a lot edited out that leads her to draw that conclusion.

A teary Leah takes the twins to the attorney’s office for the switch. Corey is beyond thrilled to see his daughters while Leah turns on the waterworks again. Please.

Kailyn has come to the realization that hooking up with Jo wasn’t the best thing for her relationship with Jordan. She can’t believe that he stormed out and took all of his stuff with him. Wait, did she tell him they hooked up, or did she tell him that “things went too far”? Kailyn was so shocked at Jordan’s adverse reaction, she’s not sure she could ever take him back. How old is she again?

Chelsea is all dolled up and wearing her best cheetah print as she awaits Adam’s arrival. He’s wearing his fanciest 3-D movie glasses over a fancy trucker hat as he comes to pick up “the child.” He has yet to even hold his daughter when he invites Chelsea to come back to his house to baby-sit hang out with him. On the ride to his parents’ house, the duo discuss the pair’s lack of love lives – I think. The motor on his cheesy car is so loud, I can barely hear them. And when father-of-the-year guns the gas to incite giggles from his ex, my elderly ears can’t hear anything but “dumbass” in the underlying roar of the engine.

Jenelle is finishing up her time at rehab. She’s enjoying yoga as well as her anti-anxiety meds. She says she wants to repair her relationship with her mom. Jenelle skypes with Barbara who expresses pride in her daughter. While I realize Jenelle has probably heard negative things from her mother her whole life, she really doesn’t want to hear anything positive Barbara has to say. She shuts down when Barbara tells her how much she’s missed her daughter. Tragic.

Leah and Corey are going to court to divide their belongings. She is wearing a ton of make-up upset about having to deal with Corey at such an arm’s length. She keeps reiterating how she’s in a marriage so it’s harder than a break-up, yet she never seems to take any responsibility for being the reason for it ending.

Watching Chelsea talk to her mom about how torn she is over Adam is like watching Chelsea speak with herself forty years in the future. They really are the same person with the same voice. Adam calls that he’s going to come pick her up on his “bike.” Both seem excited even though her mom warns her about the repercussions of reconciling with such a douche. The pair take off on Adam’s crotch rocket sans helmets. Of course, if they crashed, and Adam landed on his forehead, he’d be fine thanks to those 3-D movie glasses.

Kailyn approaches Jo about the status of their relationship and relays that she is finished with Jordan. Shocking…Jo just wanted to hook up – he isn’t looking for any type of relationship. Kailyn is devastated because now she’s ended a good relationship and her “family” isn’t as intact as she had hoped. Ouch. Jo is cold as he sends her on her way. At least he’s cute with Isaac, right? Right? Yikes.

Jenelle is on her way home from rehab. She’s excited about seeing Jace, but she’s also worried about falling back into her addictive behavior. Barbara hugs her daughter who slumps, not even offering her mother the half arm you’d give an awkward, dorky guy friend. Her mother talks about how much she missed her daughter who is immediately tense. Up until the last few episodes, I’ve thought Barbara was as bad as Jenelle, but I have really seen her try to make amends. She even seem sincerely happy about the random hoodie that Jenelle has brought her from the west coast.

Leah and Corey are dividing up their belongings. Corey and his camo hat are trying really hard not to cry. He tells her to take whatever she wants. He can replace whatever she takes that he’ll need. She pretty much cleans him out, although he does get the dryer. She questions why he doesn’t want to fight for the washing machine, and he smartly answers that for the time they’d have to pay the lawyers to fight over the washer, he could afford to buy a new one. Leah cries again, sitting in Corey’s newly emptied trailer. He waits to break down until his girls are gone.

On next week’s reunion with Dr. Drew, Jenelle reveals she’s facing jail time after failing a drug test. Adam accuses Chelsea of cheating on him with one of his friends. Duh, of course she did – to get back at him for hooking up with her pal! Jo, Jordan, and Kailyn have a special counseling session, and Corey reveals in a tear-filled couch visit that he doesn’t think he can forgive Leah.


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